I slowly came awake at around 9pm. As fragments of dreams began to fade away, I remembered last night. I was just relaxing and listening to music when all of a sudden a blast from the past hit me in both good and not-so-good ways. I recalled the stress and fear I went through when we first came to Cali. Then I recalled our lives in Oregon. Not on the mountain, not in the motels, not in the duplex, but in the house. That old, scummy, rundown tilted house with loud car stereos blasting by every few minutes. Yet despite the cold, the snow, the noise, the condition of the microscopic house loaded with spiders, our lives were easier in some ways back then. Tom had just a 6-minute walk to work and I was more carefree there. I had my stressful moments and there were some annoyances there, but life was – I don’t know – more fun in some ways than it has been here. The money Tom makes (which is exactly what he was making there) is just okay for this area, but it was great for K-Falls where the average house rents from just $400 to around $600. I miss the excitement I felt over having so much extra money and the fun of shopping my ass off like I did back then, building up my doll collection like crazy.

These days, however, money doesn’t excite me the way it used to, not to mention the fact that I grew tired of collecting dolls and the dust in which they themselves would collect. I guess 36 hours of homelessness and 8 months of motels can do that to you. It changes your priorities in life. Where I used to focus mostly on what I could do with our extra money, now I focus more on worrying about paying for the necessities in life. Staring death in the face like we were for a while really changes your whole outlook on life. I’m less selfish than I used to be, too. Don’t get me wrong. I’d still be thrilled to win a shopping spree, and I still pride myself on being a selfish, heartless little bitch, but it’s just not the same anymore. Where I was glad I had no friends living nearby that could possibly pester me or make trouble for me, now I wish I had at least one. I won’t say which one I wish that was. It’ll never happen, but I wish it anyway.

Yes, I admit it. I miss not Klamath Falls, but some aspects of our lives up there. Jan, Liz, Randy, Estella, Jane… what are their lives like now? Are they even still there? I wish I knew Randy’s last name. If anyone’s still there, it’s him. He was one of our mailmen which I so adored. Maybe a part of me even liked him a little more than just a friend. And I think he liked me, too. Sure seemed to anyway. For some reason, when a woman likes me I’m usually the last one to know it. Do you know how many inmates back in Arizona had to spell out for me that Officers Palma and Johnson liked me before they let me know in their own ways? Yet whenever a guy has liked me, I’m always quick to pick up on it. Perhaps it’s because they’re less subtle about it that allows me to catch on right away, though Randy said and did absolutely nothing to directly imply that he liked me. But I just know he did. Yup, he sure did.

Despite being in Cali longer than we were in Oregon, no one here stands out in any special way in my mind as of yet except for a few folks back in the extended-stay motel in Sacramento – Michelle, Kissum, Josephina, Prasaad, Satish… though I came to not care much for Prasaad and Satish in the end. Prasaad was rude to me and Satish got my hopes up for nothing, though this could’ve been a good thing after all. Guess we’ll never know for sure.

Tom’s now lost over 50 pounds! His goal for this year is to get under the 200-pound marker.

And every time I think I’ve got my own damn weight figured out, it hangs on like the dedicated, faithful stalker Molly the troll is. Yeah, she’s the electronic equivalent of a female peeping tom, LOL. Always, always in my journal dozens of times a day. Sometimes hundreds.

So many story ideas but no way to get them in print as fast as I can think them up! And I’m a fast typist, too. But the voice recognition program sucks and my fingertips just can’t always keep up with my brain regardless of how fast I type. So I’m just doing what I can. I’m finishing up chapter 6 in the book I’m working on now.