I checked out of curiosity, and Rosa won’t be released next year after all. Pretty sure that before it said 2024 but didn’t give a month or a day. Now it says her release date is set for 12/2/2025. She has a lot of infractions against her so maybe that’s why even if most of it seems to be the usual petty shit (disobeying orders, found with contraband). Then she’ll be “ICE’d” to Mexico. Then again, 25 years is pretty typical for second-degree murder.

The question is, did she really do it? Did she really intentionally kill her daughter? Was it an accident? Or could she be totally innocent? The impression I got back then was that she didn’t have it in her to be so cold and calloused. At the same time, I thought it odd that one could be so bubbly after losing their kid, although I know that everyone deals with things differently. She told me that if she spent all her time sad and crying, it would just make her sick.

The last couple of days, I had some blah moments. Hopefully, it was just because I’ve been on nights. Along with worrying that I’m going to struggle with my thyroid medication and now my TSH for the rest of my life, I’m still not sure I ever had a yeast infection. I’m having more burning down there today than I’ve had in a while. So hopefully it’s just a matter of getting the right stuff for dryness down there. That will be arriving today. They said if I still had symptoms to use the second Diflucan they gave me, but I don’t know that the symptoms I feel are because of yeast. They also said that if that didn’t help, go to a GYN, but first I’ll try the new suppositories with the same ingredients as the ones the GYN recommended.

That’s another thing right there… I don’t have a GYN anymore because they’re now out of network. Damn, am I sick of this in-and-out-of-network crap, along with the referral game! I won’t get into how sick I am of appointments. I’ve got two of them tomorrow, and I was going to wait and do my writing then, thinking there would be some waiting time, but needed to get things off my chest now. The mammogram is gonna be at 8:45 and the echocardiogram will be right after that they said, so hopefully there won’t be much waiting time. I’m not looking forward to the appointments, of course, but I am looking forward to getting out.

I just hate not knowing for sure what’s causing what! Not knowing what’s going on for sure or what to do about it is worse than having answers. Like I said, I’m just gonna hope that the new suppositories will help. It’s actually a gel that you shove up there with an applicator.

I read that it’s normal to have some WBC in your urine. It’s how much you have that matters. That can be indicative of a UTI or kidney infection, along with bladder inflammation and even a blockage. But because bacteria wasn’t found, it doesn’t scream UTI like the doctors said. Plus, I don’t have stomach pain nor does it burn when I pee.

I feel like I’m never going to be healthy or have energy ever again.

Reading back in some of my older journals as I continue to proofread and edit out as many errors as I can got me thinking. A part of me misses being more sociable, but all the shit I went through with various people serves as a reminder once again that social isolation is the right thing to do. It may be a little more lonely and boring this way, but it’s definitely safer. Then there’s the fact that even if everyone was perfect, I just don’t feel I need to socialize that much. I do a fine job of entertaining myself and it’s not like I don’t have my husband.

I don’t know why, but so many diarists/journalists are either rude as hell or crazy. So even there, I have to be careful. I haven’t communicated with as many people on MD but there are a lot of rude people on PB and I have absolutely zero tolerance for rudeness. Once you’ve been rude to me, you can pretty much consider me driven away for good. The thing is that those with the types of personalities I’m usually drawn to wouldn’t be very active on social media, especially anything that was writing-based.

My LMN subscription doesn’t expire until next summer, but I’m definitely gonna cancel. Sure, I’ll miss some of the movies but getting 2+ months of holiday movies each year is ridiculous.

Also, this isn’t the '50s. Every parent is married, divorced, or widowed. There are hardly any gay/les characters. Abortion is never an option, and of course the culprit is never black because hey, they’re these perfect little angels, right? The so-called mean girl can only be black if she’s part of a group. Whenever there’s just one bully, they’re always white. I get that they’re pro-black like most people these days, but be a little more realistic!