“I’m never going to have another friend like Aly,” I said to Tom the other day.

“That’s what you said about having a rat like Tinkerbell.”

He’s got a point there. This rat is even better and Tinkerbell was truly awesome. I’d love to have a close friend I was in touch with daily or close enough to it that was intelligent, honest, and with it. We don’t have to have every single thing in common but it would be nice to have some basic common ground. She wouldn’t have to be 100% with it either. It’s okay to be a little crazy because hey, we’re all a little crazy at times. I think it’s how a person is crazy and the frequency of it that matters. Hell, I just walked into the bedroom door! That’s a little crazy, lol. I forgot to open it after Tinkerbella went home and then I cut the kitchen light before walking into the bedroom to relax in bed and do this entry on my phone. In the dark, I didn’t see the door so I walked right into it.

Yesterday was a great day because I had an unusual amount of energy. I was so productive, too. I knew it was a rare treat and to take advantage of it. Today I’m back to being me. Tired ole me. Who knows how long it will be before I have that degree of energy again? It was great while it lasted. I felt traces of my old self and it really boosted my mood too. I’m not in a bad mood now but the better I feel physically, the better I tend to feel emotionally. I think that’s the general rule for most people. Today I’m tired as usual but this is me as I’ve known it for nearly a decade. I admit that I slept shitty because I woke up a lot. I also wasn’t very comfortable so we added a layer of foam and I think this might work out.

The weather was gorgeous today so I took advantage of the stiff breeze and opened a few windows to air the place out since it’s been closed up for months.

Andy’s being annoying again. He didn’t accuse me of lying but his words implied that I was. I don’t know where this came from but out of the blue, after we started a discussion about the war in Israel, he said he couldn’t help but think that I would wish both the Israelis and Palestinians dead if I wasn’t Jewish, which of course is ridiculous. I don’t wish the Ukrainians dead and I’m not Ukrainian. It’s all about what I see going on and a matter of right versus wrong, not who or what I am.

He said it was just his opinion. I told him his opinion was wrong.

“Okay,” he replied. Yeah, whatever. I used to think that if you’ve known a person long enough then you would know them better but apparently, that’s not always the case. After all, my own mother didn’t know me as well as she should have and probably thought she did. While it’s the thought that counts, what mother sends her child citrus-flavored snacks and doesn’t know that child hates citrus?

So I still have mixed emotions about being connected to him and sometimes I just want to ghost. At the same time, I don’t want to hurt his feelings. This is why I try not to have too much contact with him, though. As soon as I feel like I’m being judged or basically called a liar over the most mundane of things that I have absolutely no need to kid him about, I’m gone. If a friend can’t take another friend for face value then what kind of a friendship can you really have? I thought about just going along with whatever he thinks I’m thinking, wanting, or feeling but then I would be a liar for real.

I also think he still projects too much of himself onto others. He likes it when others have things in common with him yet at the same time he boasts about how proud he is to be unique.

I read an article on what defines a toxic friend and I swear he ticked off just about every single box. If I ever do feel he’s toxic enough to consider my feelings before his and cut ties with him, I’m not even going to bother giving him an explanation as to why since I know he wouldn’t get it. I would just ghost. The question is whether or not I should block him on Facebook along with his phone number. He’ll know he’s been dumped if I do that so a part of me was wondering if I should go quiet and leave it at that. I just wouldn’t want him thinking I was dead or anything like that.

Tom’s going to give blood on Tuesday at the clubhouse. They’re going to pay him for it. I would love to donate as well, but as usual, when there’s something I want to do, I’ll have to sleep. I’m now getting up in the early afternoons and they’ll only be here from 10 AM - 1 PM.

I think I know why my weight has been inching up and it’s not necessarily connected to my thyroid. I think it’s the cholecystectomy. This does happen to some people and of course, I have to be one of them. I wonder how much more I’m going to put on. I just can’t get weight off no matter what I do. Once I get the echo and mammogram out of the way, I might have to make a case with Galileo but I think this is simply the way I am and the way I’m meant to be for the rest of my life. The only question is how high up the ladder I’m going to climb.