Today’s been a little better than yesterday. Started off pretty tired but perked up later on. I made sure not to nap today so I can see if I have trouble falling asleep again tonight.

Had another “shower beat-a-thon.” I awoke really warm and then I showered. I was not only still warm after that but my heart raced up to about 116. I ended up getting a couple of zone minutes because of it. Still don’t get why I’m having warm spells, and again with the HR spike. I again started to think my TSH was getting too low but that’s not what the scale says. Plus, I wasn’t anxious. Luckily, whatever it was didn’t last long. I’d have to guess hormones at this point.

I’m glad I’ll be going to a cardiologist soon and getting some answers once and for all but I still can’t believe anything is wrong with my heart. I don’t know why but I just can’t see it. I don’t know if it’s because it’s hard to believe or what but I would be surprised despite my family history if they said there was a problem.

Then there’s the part of me that kind of wishes they would find a problem and tell me it’s why I’ve been experiencing so much fatigue. The other part, of course, doesn’t want any more problems. Same goes for when it comes to the mamo.

My greatest fear right now is that we will never be able to figure out what it is, or that we will figure it out but there will be no treatment for it, or that the only treatment available will be something that I am unable to handle.

Nothing from Kim and I don’t miss her one bit. I’m still not sure if something is going on with her or if I got dumped but I’m guessing I’m a latter. As I said, if I knew it would be that easy I would have said the wrong thing a long time ago. So she’s done me a favor right along with Molly and others that have pissed me off one too many times and that have stamped out any lingering question as to whether or not I should wish them a happy New Year in a couple of months, for example, comment on their stuff, or wish them a happy birthday in just over a few months.

I give people way too many chances and I’ve got to stop doing that and constantly walking on eggshells around certain people and never knowing if the most innocent of statements or questions are going to get them in a frenzy. I’ve had people go ballistic on me as if I asked them to kill themselves or their loved ones. As I’ve learned the hard way, if I see a red flag once I’m certainly going to see it again and again and again. The number of times is only a matter of how dumb I am to stick around. So…eliminating the crazies and one-sided friendships are definitely things to crack down on! I sure as hell Miss Aly, though! She could be a bit moody and dishonest at times but she wasn’t crazy.

No side effects yet from the Losartan. At least I don’t think there is. I do notice maybe a slight bit of fatigue but it’s hard to really say for sure because I have so much of that anyway. Same with trouble crashing. I also noticed muscle tightening or weakness in the hip area for a few hours after taking it almost as if I exercised my hips and butt muscles really hard. It’s not prominent enough to make a sure connection, though.

Sounds like Friday night out there since that’s the second fucking helicopter in less than an hour. And OMG, the fucking motorcycles on 19! It’s almost like the freeway at the old place.

Tom put up half a dozen of those little baskets on the inner bathroom closet wall. They hold my nail polish perfectly.

I noticed something interesting when I checked the honker’s profile to see if I could get a sense of when he was coming down. Seeing nothing new on his wall, I jumped over to the girlfriend’s profile but they’re not friends anymore.

Hmm… should I be worried? I just wonder if his coming down alone will entice him to ride that damn motorcycle more.

The fucking T-heads are wreaking havoc all around the world and no, I don’t give a shit who I offend in saying so. No one has to read my stuff. You don’t like it, then get out of here! Really, it’s like no matter how many atrocities these people commit, you’re still “racist” if you have anything negative to say about them. Well fine, I’ll be whatever label you want to put on me for it but it doesn’t change the facts. I’m sickened by the countless acts of violence committed by these fuckers and I’m almost as sickened by all the support they’re getting as well. All over the fucking world there are pro-Palestinian rallies showing support for these terrorists who started the whole thing. Hell, even fucking Harvard students are pro-terrorists. I guess you don’t have to be a genius after all to get into Harvard.

Andy vented in a voicemail to me about his frustration with this situation because he thinks it’s “safer” than Facebook and no one can punish him for leaving a voicemail.

He does realize that any account and device can be monitored, right? It’s just that the difference between him and me is that I’m not going to allow my expression to be stifled, especially when I’m not making any direct threats to anyone. If you spy or read someone’s journal, you might just hear something you can’t handle and I refuse to be responsible for that. If I’ve got something to say, I’m saying it. Yes, I am picky about what I say on what platforms for the sake of those I’m close to but what goes on in my journal, public or not, is a whole different story.

He and I recently learned that Israel supplied the power for the Gaza Strip. How fucking dumb can you be to go and send a shitload of rockets to the very people who supply your electricity and other things? Isn’t that like biting the hand that feeds you? I am completely baffled as to how people could possibly be so damn stupid. I’m almost as embarrassed for these people as I am sickened by them. How could they not have expected consequences for their actions? It’s like they wanted this to happen.

I’m glad Israel has finally realized that there’s just no reasoning with these sick twists and that the only way to save themselves in the end is to eradicate these terrorists and that’s what they’ve sworn to do. It’s about fucking time! I know they didn’t want to come off as bad as Hitler and his people but sometimes you really do need to fight back when you’re attacked. My only concern is that the thousands of survivors that flee the strip will end up over here. It would be just like Biden to use our money to bring them here so they can carry on with their acts of violence. I just don’t get how they can have so many supporters when it’s so obvious who the perpetrators are. I am completely baffled by that one. Just totally and utterly mystified. Americans and many other countries hated the T-heads responsible for 9/11 but if it’s Jews getting terrorized it’s okay? How fucked up is that?!