On the way to the cardiologist and very tired. Yeah, there’s nothing like being psychic and having a nightmare of being swept off a rocky cliff and into the ocean below by a giant wave and knowing it means trouble lies ahead. It’s just a matter of waiting to find out what it is. It can’t be the mamo, though, because Galileo hasn’t gotten my results yet. Had anything suspicious shown up, they’d know it by now. Despite my family history, I can’t believe anything is up with my heart.

The honker returned just after midnight on the 29th. I saw the water company turning his water on a couple of days before, so I knew I wasn’t going to make it until November without him. Funny, how it’s returning earlier and earlier each year. In 2021 it was on November 7th. Last year was on Halloween. Now it’s the 29th. I’m guessing it will stay longer as well. Last year it only stayed a day later than the year before but I don’t think it was by choice. I know he wanted to stay longer, but something came up at home.

I learned that Canadians don’t need to apply for citizenship or even have a visa, but they can only stay for 6 months at a time. Sadly, jail taught me just how long half a year really is.

For now, I just hope he doesn’t ride more now that he’s single. Keri even left the park group, so I saw, and he only has one of the dogs from what I can tell. I’m hoping he might not ride more often simply because most of the time he would take off in the truck in the past, it was by himself and he could have taken the motorcycle those times. Hopefully, he’ll give me “permission” to get out of the doghouse soon. Really, really hate having to be put out in my own home so someone else can have fun. At least he goes home for Christmas. The thing is that half of the time he turns the damn thing on, it’s to move it. Despite how common they are here, if you look at all the carports in the park, very few of them have motorcycles. So it’s just my shit luck to get near not one but two of them.

Tom power-washed the car so it looks a lot nicer. Just wish it wasn’t 85 degrees out today. The heat doesn’t help being so exhausted and with my heart a little racy. I just hope that the doctor has my echocardiogram results.

My weight mostly reset itself as it usually does. I can tell my TSH is dropping cause I’m not so cold and my HR is a little higher. Plus, I had a little more energy over the weekend. Today I’m just exhausted due to the nightmare and waking up a lot.

My lower back has been hurting like crazy but I think it’s the mattress and not the Losartan. We’re gonna flip the mattress again soon. Still won’t give me much support either way. My spine doesn’t feel like it’s aligned well on this thing. That’s part of why I want to eventually get a high-end airbed. Something that doesn’t have foam that breaks down over time.

I don’t know how I haven’t heard this story before, since it happened while we were married. Maybe I just don’t remember or didn’t care but Mary (Miss Perfect) had chronic fatigue, which I still think I have if nothing’s up with my heart, and a CPAP doesn’t help if I ever get one. I guess one symptom is regular back pain. She had quite a bit of that and they did X-rays and sent her to a chiropractor, but nothing helped. So then they gave her antidepressants, which is how they treat chronic fatigue and her back pain disappeared.

But did her energy levels ever improve? I asked Tom. He said he doesn’t remember her mentioning that either way. Just that she thought she was tired and her back hurt because of work.

Leaving the cardiologist now. I like her way better than the endo. She’s from here and therefore with an accent I can understand. She spoke loud and clear and enough to inform me of things I needed to know, but not so much that I couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

Her nurse did an EKG which looked great but that was just a 10-second thing.

She was just as disappointed as I was that the echocardiogram results hadn’t been forwarded to her. In this digital age, there’s just no excuse for that. Galileo should have that and my mammogram by now. This is ridiculous, but as usual, it’s going to fall on us to do someone else’s job for them because we’re going to have to call the MRI place and get them ourselves. This is why we made a point of scheduling the visit with her after the echocardiogram, thinking she would have the results then.

Meanwhile, she’s going to have me do a nuclear stress test to look for blockages which will be scheduled soon. Plus, I’m going to be mailed a heart monitor. These days, luckily, it’s just a wireless patch you wear on my chest that is connected to Bluetooth. She said I could sleep on my stomach, shower, and live my life as I normally do while it’s on for a week.

I’ll have a follow-up with her in mid-December, and maybe then I’ll remember to ask her about PAH. I totally forgot. We did discuss my family history, and how I’ve been having a lot of fatigue, and I mentioned the funny palpitations I have at times too. She couldn’t tell me if they mean anything but says they could be harmless extra beats from the bottom of the heart.

I knew there would be more appointments, though. I swear they’re like cockroaches.

Because this morning wouldn’t have been convenient for me to meet with Helen, I canceled and sent her a text letting her know I wanted to discontinue therapy for now but would contact her if I wanted to resume again. I told her that I believe I have enough tools to help get me through the tough times. I didn’t tell her this, but I don’t think she can do much more for me that I can’t do myself. I’m still not even sure anything we did was helpful. I also canceled the appointment online, but she never replied. I have a feeling she’s not too happy about it but oh well.

My mood is always better when I’m on days. Still need to work on finding more to do at night to distract me because that’s when my mood is likely to head south. I still don’t know why. It never used to be like this in the past. Maybe it’s because N24 progresses with age, as it has, and I wish more and more that I could always be on days. I just didn’t mind as much in the past but maybe that’s because I didn’t have as many appointments. I was outdoors more in the past as well. That’s another thing I have to do is make sure I get out when my schedule permits. I don’t miss Phoenix, but I sure miss that big, private backyard with its pool and sitting out on the bench swing. I almost wish cigarettes were free and harmless because that would be a good reason to pace back and forth in the back. There’s no place to sit back there so all I can do is stand with the ants and planes. At least the ants don’t bite as much here. Also, he sprayed them the other day and it seemed to do the trick.

We charged up a bit and now we’re off to BK. I’m so damn hungry, too!

We got treats at Walgreens the other day and Carol, the British cashier, now knows us well since we’ve been there enough times.

Love the two cute little misters I got for those hot flashes. Didn’t realize they needed to be charged, but that’s okay. I’ve got one on each desk. I almost wish I took one out in the car today.

I also love my new olive oil dispenser and pink drawer organizers I got. They really help make better use of the space and allow you to find things easier.

Still have a little burning down there at times, even using Replens, which I think I’m gonna stick with. I still doubt I have any kind of infection, even though I’m going to get cranberry juice just in case and because it’s good for you anyway. I think this is just how I am now so I may as well get used to it.

The latest challenge is out. A Halloween-themed challenge with rides around the various stomping grounds of some horror writers. So they’re mostly in New England, the UK, and Romania.

The fucking car reeks of cigarette smoke now because a couple exited their car nearby with cigarettes as I wait for Tom to pick up our food. When the fuck are they going to ban public smoking?!