I wasn't going to do an entry until after my Monday appointment but I can't sleep. Tom and I were talking about going to the clubhouse on Tuesday to play bicycle bingo. This is basically to get out and do something different. 

We were having a discussion earlier about how I've been having the same damn problem for years now where I just can't get excited over anything. I just don't feel I have much to look forward to, even when things aren't necessarily bad. Once you get to be this age, even if you're healthy and happy, things just aren't new and exciting anymore. If I won another cruise to another country, not that I wouldn't appreciate it, it wouldn't hold the same excitement it held for me when I first did in 2006 because I've already experienced it.

Part of me misses my old emotions. Not being the basket case that I used to be at times, but just feeling things instead of being so numb so much of the time. I really think it's a combination of age experience, maturity, and of course, EMDR.

I miss so many aspects of my old life as much as I don't. I miss having crushes on people. I miss feeling the intense relief that comes with skirting a dangerous situation but I don't miss coming close to danger. I miss getting all excited over the prospect of something totally new and imagining how wonderful it could be even if I turned out to be completely wrong. 

Well, there is something sort of new and that's that I started studying Romanian on Duolingo. I'm not new to foreign languages but I'm new to Romanian.

I wish those who hate gays and women would stop calling it a religious thing because it’s not about religion any more than rape is about sex. It’s about hate and control. Period. Religion is simply the weapon they use to carry out their hateful deeds. Furthermore, saying that the acceptance of gays will lead to the acceptance of pedophiles is like saying decriminalizing marijuana will lead to decriminalizing murder. Some people are just so fucking ridiculous that I'm truly embarrassed for them.