And back to having good energy I go. I swear my energy levels have become totally bipolar. So that means I'll be tired tomorrow. Hopefully not as anxious and hopefully with a lower HR, though. It's been 19 days since I last had to skip a dose, and I'd say it's definitely ramped up. I'm not cold anymore, I'm more hot flashy, and my HR has been between 95 and 110. I'm also starting to feel that adrenaline kick in the center of my chest. I'll give it one more day to see if something else is going on, even though I doubt it, and then I'll skip as many times as it takes to bring it down. I'll just try not to overdo it this time.

Definitely going to have to figure out how to have better timing before I go back to the lab at the end of the year. I just hope I won't have to go back until then! I don't think my absolute lymphocytes are high enough to warrant any sooner testing, which would be nice because I really don't want to have the stress of appointments during storm season. Other than an eye exam, I shouldn't have anything until September when I return to the dentist.

I misunderstood Becky. She said she uses the nasal pillows, which I thought were the ones with prongs you insert into your nose like what I have, but she's actually using the cradle, which she calls either a cushion or a pillow. She said she tried the one I'm using for 6 months and didn't like it. The only thing I don't get is if she had leaks with the pillow, why isn't she having them with the cradle? I verified with AI, and if you have problems with one, you'll likely have problems with the other.

As much as I wish the pillows would work out, they're horrible, and not just because of air leaking out of my mouth. I didn't realize they had such a short life. After just a few weeks, they lose their shape and consistency and start leaking. I have to struggle to seat them properly, otherwise I get air leaking up into my eyes like I did with a cradle. First one side started giving me shit and now the other side is a problem. So I switched to the small pillow that I have, and I'm pretty sure I can make that work until I get something better.

In a couple of weeks, we're likely going to get a full-face mask with liners. I hate to have something that intrusive, and I hate the DreamWear harness, but if it's going to give me a good seal, then so be it. At that point, I may start using the CPAP pillow, which I don't really like that much. It's a bit high and firm, but as Tom said, pillows sometimes need to be broken in like new shoes.

My sleep was a little more fragmented despite having more energy today, not just because of leaks, but I also had a really sad dream about Tinkerbella. For some reason, we were forced to rehome her, although nothing could get us to give her up in real life. She was only a year old in the dream. We gave her to some woman we didn't know, and after she was gone, I was crying and depressed and worried for Tink. I wondered if she was scared to suddenly be in the hands of a stranger and worried she wouldn't be treated well. That would definitely be a terrible thing for a rat, or any other animal of intelligence that is aware of what's going on around them.

Other breeds of rodents are so stupid and antisocial and pretty much live in their own worlds, oblivious to what's going on around them, even the ones that tolerate being handled and patted. Therefore, they wouldn't really have the mentality to realize what was going on as long as they were getting fed.

Then I had a weird dream that I was living with some woman who might have been my mother. One evening, she took me over to her friend's house, and she decided to leave me there. I wasn't happy about it, but I tried to just go with it and offered to show the woman a book of sketches I did. But a split second later, I was looking at her closed bedroom door and knew she had gone to bed. I entered the guest room, wishing I had the CPAP and hoping the bed wouldn't be too uncomfortable or that I’d have trouble sleeping.

In my last entry, I was talking about how people don't change, and while I like Kathy and I'm glad we reconnected, she's a classic reminder of that. Every day she posts tons of bitchy, self-defensive, and even somewhat aggressive-sounding memes. While some of them make sense and I agree with them, I can see that her vengeful side still lives on. Let's just say that if Ask still existed and I could still allow anonymous questions there, and she got pissed at me, I wouldn't put it past her to troll me there with the help of her friends and family just like she did 15 years ago.

I see a lot of my sister and nieces in her, with the only difference being that Kathy is actually fairly smart and can write. I don't know if there's been any more contact between her and her neighbor, but every day she's been posting Karen memes in regards to the neighbor. I'm not worried about it if I ever pissed her off because it's easier to block people these days as opposed to 15 years ago. She's a reminder, however, of why it's important not to mix socials or to at least be very careful who you do share what with.

I'm usually pretty good at getting a sense of who may go ballistic on me if they either dumped me or I dump them, but every now and then, even I get caught off guard. The only thing that may be a problem these days is the fact that people can keep creating new accounts to come at you from if you allow comments/contact. People can also involve your connections just like Molly did to both of us once upon a time. I have a small group there, though, that I’m connected to and that would gladly have my back. So yeah, things are different in a better way, but it’s still wise to be cautious.

The only other thing that annoys me a little with Kathy is that I see that same one-sided pattern I see in so many people. She sent me many long messages about the neighbor, and I replied to every single one. Then I sent her a handful of audios telling her about my own nightmare neighbor from years ago, and while she did “heart” one of them, I got absolute silence in return. This isn't the first time either. I've been back in touch with her enough to see that she only responds if I ask her a question or if it's something she can relate to. She also doesn't usually take the initiative to ask about me.

Usually, if a friend is having a hard time, I'll check in with them and see how they're getting by. If she messaged me saying she had to have a tooth pulled, I would tell her good luck, and then I would ask how it went when it was done. If I said that, I likely wouldn't get any kind of a reply, let alone a follow-up. Not everyone is like this, but it seems that the vast majority of people are. If it isn't about them or anything they can relate to or benefit from, they're not interested.