Back to being tired I go. I'm trying to convince myself that while I would just be alive and not living, it really is okay to live my life tired, because tired is better than dead. Right?

Anyway, the new mouth tape does provide better coverage and is perhaps a little more comfortable, but the same thing keeps happening—if air doesn't actually escape, it fills my mouth and I wake up to my cheeks expanding like I'm trying to blow up a balloon in my sleep. Initially, I had a spark of hope because the pressure setting starts off at 4, and it seemed okay. Once it gets up to 11, though, I start having issues. We talked about lowering the pressure, but I might have to make it too low to stop this from happening—and besides, if it’s going up to 11, then that’s obviously what I need to keep my airways open. I still say there’s no fixing this and that there’s some kind of curse on my sleep, and it’s going to get around anything I try.

So knowing that I’m unlikely to ever be able to get a mouthguard—since there aren’t many sleep dentists and they usually don’t accept my insurance plan—and I’m even less likely to have the Inspire implanted, I might as well cut my losses where they’re at. In other words, I can start off the first three or four hours with the mask, and then I’ll have to take it off when leaks become an issue. I think that should be enough, not to restore my energy, but to at least keep me safe. I just can’t sleep with the thing full-time, otherwise my fatigue is just as bad, if not worse. There’s no getting around it, though, so I need to finally just accept it for what it is.

I woke up with a headache today too, but I think that’s likely more on allergies than sleep apnea. My throat is a bit sore too, so I think I’m going to have to raise the humidity again. It should be okay since I can’t sleep with it more than a few hours anyway. I just remembered that a sore throat and headaches can be symptoms of chronic fatigue. God, I hope not! Days like yesterday give me hope that I don’t have CF. I’m never going to be able to rule that in or out if I can’t sleep with the CPAP full time.

Tom is going to get a basic lens even though he’d love the deluxe $900 lens. They even have a lens for over 3 grand that allows you to see even with your eyes closed! I don’t think I’d like that when I was sleeping. I’m hoping I’ll never have to have cataracts removed, since, unlike him, I grew up in the Northeast rather than the Southwest, and in my case, it would do little to nothing to improve my vision.

Kathy and her husband are still being harassed by the bitch next to them. I think she made a mistake in going against her agreement with the PD by replying to her texts. Even more so to delete them. I know the phone company could pull it up, but she should keep all the evidence she can. She said she told the bitch off and blocked her. I would completely ignore her without blocking her. I’d want to leave the opportunity for the bitch to dig her own hole by saying the wrong things in a word-sensitive country. Especially if I were a minority with children.

Since I don’t remember if we ever discussed my own nightmare with shitty neighbors back around 2010ish when we first met online, I left her some audios telling her about it.

Decided to spoil myself and do something fun for once. Every now and then we need a break from “behaving.” So even though I don’t need them, I took advantage of a great deal I found on Amazon—10 coloring books for $18. That’s less than $2 a book! I shared the link with Kathy. She may be interested. The quality of the books may not be the greatest, and they may not have as many designs to color, but I will definitely have a good variety: flowers, animals, mandalas, quotes, people, and places.