I don’t want to get into much detail right now, so don’t ask, but it looks like the end may be closer than I thought and we very well might be on our last 4 or 5 hundred dollars, then it’s bye-bye for good. The government claims they’re going to send us the 5 grand they still owe us, but I know our lovely government can’t always be trusted.

It’s ok, though, if our time really is up soon. Amidst some disasters, I got to do a lot of fun and interesting things in my life, and it really doesn’t matter much if I die at 44, 64, or 84 when you really think about it because there’s always going to be things we’ll miss and things we won’t miss no matter when we die. I’ll miss some people and some things I like to do, but I won’t miss an awful lot of shit as well.

I’m not saying our number’s up for sure. I’m just saying it looks that way right now. Enough that I’ll probably quit my online job soon and even quit dieting and exercising. I don’t even know if I’ll continue my language studies. If I’m going to go soon I want to spend my last days doing things I enjoy. On the other hand, I enjoy languages and running, so maybe I’ll keep at it.

I will focus mostly on music and writing, but if we can’t make it past the next few weeks, then I probably won’t finish Digital Confessions and I definitely won’t get to Maliheh’s story.

Maliheh called again and tried to cheer me up. As I told her, I really appreciate her efforts, but nothing she can say will change whatever’s meant to happen. I said and did some mean things 19 years ago and just recently online until I realized it wasn’t her playing with me on Formspring and I’m sorry. But I’m glad that in the end we finally got to work things out and move on.

“If the end has truly come for you, what are you going to do?” she asked me.

I said, “I’m going to pick my last meal just like death row inmates do. Mine’s going to be lobster. Then we’ll probably gamble our last $100 or so in a casino and leave it to fate to save us if it wants to.”

Tom, on the other hand, thinks he’s going on an interview on Monday. The temp company he used to work for had a few jobs he’s qualified for that he applied for, and so he thinks that as soon as their computer flags him as having worked for them before, they’ll at least want to see him even if they don’t hire him.

Yeah, whatever.

Paula’s sending $10 for me to make her up some CDs. No problem. I just hope she sends it before we go if we truly do end up going. Like I said, though, I don’t know for sure that this is it for us. It just looks that way right now and I don’t want to discuss it anymore. I just want to kick back, relax and live it up till it’s over. If it’s not over, then fine, life will proceed as planned.

Later…

El Cocko’s back on his summer watering sprees, not realizing – or giving a damn – that it cuts our water pressure down. He roared out on the motorcycle at 8:30 and I doubt he’ll be back till after dark. I just hope he doesn’t do this shit while he’s at work.