To the one in Texas: Yeah, you’re right. As I just told someone else, it’s hard to give a shit about life when life doesn’t seem to give a shit about you. There’s only so much effort one can put forth on their own to better their life. Our lives have been awful since coming here and in many ways, I’m sorry we did. It’s quieter here, but we have absolutely no life at all and we obviously never will either. I used to look forward to waking up, but now I just seem to function like a robot for the most part just waiting till the end comes.

To the “feathery” one: I hear you! I wish we were black sometimes, too. Then my husband would get first dibs on jobs, we could play the race card anytime someone pissed us off and count on people siding with us, and even be exempt from being charged with a hate crime should we decide to take our frustrations out on someone that’s different than us. I doubt we would ever be that vindictive and cold-hearted, though, so I’d settle for just the special treatment in the job world.

In a few hours, we’ll be at the IHOP. Hopefully, that will pull me out of this dismal mood.

As I told Marie, I’m sorry I can’t be a better friend to her. One that’s more fun, closer in distance, and able to devote more time to her.

Later…

Hey, everybody! I got 6 months for a threatening letter I did not write, but what’s this teenage-punching pig get? More training!

Still think there’s a good God up there?

Why do they bother to film their violent acts and corruption they lavish upon us citizens if they’re just going to be allowed to get away with it???

I’m kind of surprised, even bummed, that the people in the area didn’t jump and beat the pig down. Since they’re obviously immune to any form of real disciplinary action, maybe if society starts fighting back and kicking the crap out of these pigs, they’ll think twice before they fuck with us. Talk about it being no way to treat a lady! No one this angry and macho should be allowed to serve on the police force. No one. Someone could be chasing me with a gun and the pigs are the last ones I’d count on for help.

Geez, I shouldn’t have watched this. It not only made my foul mood even worse, but it’s only going to deepen my hatred for whatever’s up there.

Well, this is just going to be one of many things to remind me that while there will be some good things in life I’ll miss after I’m gone, there’s still an awful lot of shit I ain’t gonna miss as well! I will miss my family, friends and hobbies, but I won’t miss living in such a cruel and unfair world one bit!

It’s 5am, so the dogs will be going off anytime now. Gotta put the sound machines on. I can’t believe how much more realistic the sounds have gotten. It really, really sounds like it’s raining in here. The old ones just sound like static. Anyway, they don’t go off as much at this time of year, and when they do it’s not usually for long, but I like to have them on anyway so I’m not distracted from whatever I’m doing. The only time I can count on them not distracting me is when it’s really hot or Jesse’s home.

Tom believes that most people wouldn’t be bothered by the dogs at this distance, but I’m not so sure I agree. Yeah, they’re about 150-200 feet away, but these are fairly good-sized dogs with loud barks, and we do live in a trailer, not a normal house. The walls and ceilings are only a couple of inches thick. That’s why it gets so hot and so cold in here as easily as it does. Maybe someday whatever’s up there will feel we deserve a real home. I doubt it, though. I doubt it. So should I tell myself it’s better than being on the streets? I suppose I should, but it doesn’t necessarily make me feel any better depending on what mood I’m in. If something’s bad enough, does it matter if there’s anything worse?

Anyway, I had to work in 4 different languages yesterday. If there is one thing I can thank God for it’s the ability to pick up languages as well as I do, even though I’m sure I’ll never be native-like in any of them since I don’t plan to ever live where any of these languages are the official language.