It hasn’t rained in months now. I thought I smelled rain a couple of times, but all it’s done is cloud up.

The rat has gotten into the adorably cute habit of joining me at the dinner table. It’s so cute how he begs for scraps like a dog. It’s a shame that what is the third smartest animal in the world, and so fun, smart and loving, has such a bad reputation. He comes when he’s called and if I sternly say the word “no” when he goes to get into things he shouldn’t, he immediately backs down.

I sucked some of my strawberry melon fruit juice into a straw and spilled some on the floor for him to lap up and I had to laugh when I thought of my mom. She’d totally die if I did this on her floor!

Tom has this strange lump under the skin at the side of his neck. It’s soft and doesn’t hurt but we sure wonder what the hell it is.

I decided to work out a little today after all just because I like the feeling working out gives me. I added the incline so it’s more challenging. I can definitely feel it more in my ass and the backs of my legs.

I keep hoping that even though we’ll probably never make it out of NorCal (maybe not even this trailer) and will always be poor, somehow we’ll pull through these tough times and whatever’s up there will quit picking on us and go pick on someone else. Believe me, I want things to get better. I want to pull through this. But I just don’t see how or when we ever will. Why would good things suddenly start happening to us? Why would he suddenly get a decent, permanent job with benefits? Why would I win enough money to safely move us to Florida? Why would things that could but that won’t suddenly start going our way for once? That’s just not the way it works if you’re Jodi S. If you’re Jodi S, then what can go wrong usually does.

I adore my Nane and have no regrets whatsoever about meeting her, especially with the way we’ve grown closer, but at the same time, I can’t help but think of how much easier it would be for Tom and me to end it all if I didn’t have any friends at all, especially her. Sometimes the little things are just as important as the big things we do for others, and I just can’t help but smile when I hear from her. And it really makes me smile – even turns me on – when she calls me Lady Jodi or Lady Rainbow. I don’t know what it is about that or why, but she really cheered me up yesterday. Clearly, we both like each other. She may not like me to the degree that I like her, but I don’t think I’d have to ask myself if I thought she’d get together with me if we were both single and in the same town. I’d say it’s pretty obvious at this point even if guys may always be her main cup of tea. But damn she helps leave me stuck with conflicting emotions! I don’t want to live to be miserable, but I don’t want to hurt friends and family if Tom and I head for the pearly gates. If things were to ever get that bad again, then we’d have no choice but to end it. Losing everything used to be one of my biggest fears. These days, however, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. I like getting new things and I would simply replace things over time as money permitted and enjoy having less to sort and clean until I did. But nothing’s changed as far as my inability to make it on the streets should we ever be forced to deal with homelessness that lasted longer than the 36 hours we were on the streets in 2007.

They adjusted Mary’s release date some more from just after Christmas to just before Christmas of next year. I wonder if I’ll ever hear from her again. Better yet I wonder if I should respond if I do. I guess I’ll have to decide what I think would be best for her and for me when and if this time ever comes. And I think it will.

Alison and Tom read the first chapter of my current book. I’m glad too, because they helped me discover one typo, one word that was correct but not what I wanted, and one accidental third-person observation. Yeah, getting used to writing in first-person when you’ve been doing third-person for so long is hard! Hope I didn’t miss any typos in my other story!