Sometimes the dreams we have when we’re awake become nightmares and sometimes the nightmares we have when we’re asleep become a reality. This realization hit me yesterday and it’s so true, too. I even decided it made for a good blog subtitle.

I went back to working out but haven’t been able to focus on my stories. I may not be as stressed out as I was a few days ago but this doesn’t mean I’m in a state of bliss either. I’m still a bit wound up and having trouble concentrating. Just because we appear to be out of the woods doesn’t mean we officially are just yet. The ball has started rolling in good directions, but it hasn’t gotten far enough yet to feel much more relief than what I’ve felt so far. If he were starting a full-time job in a week I’d feel better. But unless the interview he has this morning goes well, he’s starting part-time in what may be two weeks from now.

What scares me the most is knowing that we could easily fall back into the same crisis. In fact, I fear we will keep going round and round in circles till we can get the hell out of here and that this cycle of crises won’t end until we do. Whatever’s been hell-bent on beating us down financially simply won’t let us get ahead. As soon as we start to it yanks the carpet out from under our feet. This is why I fear we’ll never get out of here. If we can’t get ahead for more than 5 minutes, then how can we ever get out of here? I know that if one is destined to be financially cursed, they will be cursed no matter what state they live in, but no state has treated us as badly in that department as Cali has. And if this is meant to go on no matter what, I’d like it to be in a state with a better climate. The weather’s still gorgeous in the 90s, but by the end of the month, that’s it. The cold and the rain will be here. It would have to be really, really worth it in the end for me to suffer a few years in Nebraska. Thank God at least Tom is indifferent to various climates. As we’ve also learned, there are no guarantees that things will go as you plan them. They rarely do. So we could head for Nebraska planning to be trapped in an apartment for just a year, then rent a house for a few more years before heading to Florida, just to end up trapped in an apartment forever there.

Since Tom will be busy working (hopefully more than we think), I will be busy running our eBay auctions and gathering up items for sale. On top of my other online work, that is, and my writing. It’s going to take a long time to get all this stuff sold, so we may as well get started. I will be around to be the one to answer questions and things like that. It’s more work than one might think. Gotta get the pictures taken, do the write-ups, answer questions, pack and address boxes, etc.

“You didn’t tell me about the bidding wars going on,” Tom said when he got up yesterday. I hadn’t thought to check in a few hours, but one of the dolls is over $150 already cuz she’s from the Harry Potter series which is very popular right now. All in all, sales are over $200 now. :) Selling things is fun and it’s neat to see all the different states – and sometimes different countries – our stuff ends up in. The problem is a lack of boxes to ship everything in. I guess we’ll have to buy some which would kind of suck. The point is to make money, not spend it. And as it is eBay helps themselves to fees from our sales.

The more I think about certain events that have happened in my life, the more I think that an outer force is at work that can think and plan and not just some negative/positive cloud of energy with no sense of awareness. Clearly, it’s toying with me, whatever it is, but seems determined enough to keep me alive so it can keep on toying with me. I have no idea if what influences good things in my life is the same being as what influences bad things in my life, but have decided to go back to praying. I couldn’t help but laugh when I thought of Andy and just how thrilled he’d probably be to know that, too. Then again the guy probably wouldn’t believe me, LOL. Either way, the reason for my decision is that while it may be just one big fat coincidence, things do seem to run a little smoother when I pray not for ridiculous things like growing money trees, but for things to be ok and for us to get by. I stopped praying for a while because I was so pissed at whatever’s up there for letting things get so shitty for us despite our efforts to get ahead. But then when things started getting desperate I prayed on and off to please, please let Tom get a job. Well, the toy store isn’t much, but it’s something, and the timing couldn’t be better. Well, it could be, but it’s good enough. He’s been trying for months just to get nowhere and so there was nothing to say he’d get anything right when we needed him to get something and any number of things could still go wrong along the way. Sure hope not, though! I mean on the one hand, I still tell myself we’d be better off dead so as to avoid many more years of shit like this, but then that stubborn survival instinct kicks in and I fight to live.

You don’t realize just how much harder your workout is on a treadmill till you add the incline! I had to slow down, but since faster’s not necessarily better so long as your heart’s pumping, your body’s sweating, and you keep at it for at least 30 minutes, I guess all it can do is just build me more muscle.

Hopefully, I will be able to focus on my writing soon enough as I realize the only way to build up enough volume to generate more sales is to do the work necessary to achieve this goal. So it’s got to be my full-time job since one can only crank out so many books so fast.

The company Tom hopes to work for is based in the Netherlands. It’s funny because he first thought Germany and then Norway and I have friends in all these countries. It seems I have friends in most countries these days except for the Middle East and Africa. That’s another thing Andy would be proud of me for – my geography knowledge has improved tenfold. In the past, I was lucky if I could figure out where my neighboring town was let alone where most other countries were as I simply didn’t care. But “meeting” people in other countries has changed that.

I like how Norway is liberal and big on freedom of speech, but the climate would surely kill me, LOL. Curious to hear what a Norwegian accent sounded like, I jumped on YouTube and listened to someone speaking English with a Norwegian accent. Then I checked out some instructional videos on Norwegian numbers, months and the days of the week, along with simple phrases and things like that. It’s not the prettiest language, but I see a lot of similarities to German. It also seems like it’s not a gender language which is all I’ve ever learned, except for English and SL, of course. Maybe I’ll be stupid enough to learn some at some point as if I don’t already have enough languages to study. :) I can say almost anything I want in Spanish, and I can almost say almost anything I want in Italian, but still need to boost my German vocabulary.

He also attached a pic of himself from the ’90s and a recent one. The ‘90s one looked ok and his hair was long then, too. The recent one isn’t that impressive. His nose is slightly crooked, he looks a little older than 37, and I don’t like the buzz cut either.