So Nane spent 1 hour and 44 minutes on my blog while the troll spent the better part of the day in it. Even Tom laughed when I told him she was in it for 10 hours and 20 minutes. I told Alison about it, and how it was no doubt because I mentioned moving to Nebraska.

Another vote on my poll. There’s no way to know who voted, but my guess is that it was either Christine or Nane.

And why didn’t I hear from Nane? Did the next 4 chapters she read make her angry or uncomfortable? Was she busy? Something else? I think this may be the week she goes to Turkey.

“Wanna hear crazy idea #4 that also won’t work?” I asked Tom when I got up.

“Sure,” he said almost jubilantly.

Eileen.

Eileen said a while back that she had an extra room if we needed it. Once again, we could sell almost everything and drive there, but it could be many months before he found a job, and would I really want the end result to be a rental in Massachusetts of all places? I like how they have universal healthcare there, but I hate the climate. I spent my first 26 years there, so I know how bad the winters are.

Exchanged a few messages with Tammy. I can’t help but think of how Tom and others believe my moods and emotions influence the outcome of things as well as affect others. There she was all mad at me for writing what I wrote in my journal about her in 2009, healthy, financially set, and threatening to fly out and take me to court over it, and now the poor girl is unable to walk, can barely move her arms, and is broke on disability. The disease she has started right after we had our spat and again it makes me wonder if I had an indirect hand in influencing it through my anger without even knowing what I was doing. Or is it just a coincidence?

She and Mark are also on anti-depressants. As I told her I was always against psych pills figuring they were no better than turning to street drugs or alcohol as a means of coping, and because of the side effects, some of which can be permanent and one of which I still have today. The doctor, of course, conveniently didn’t tell me about it until it was too late. It’s nothing major, just annoying. Nonetheless, if I were insured I just may be tempted to run to the doctor for my own dose of happy pills.

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” she said.

I have the will, but where’s the way? I’ve been looking for it for over 4 years now but still can’t find it.

Tammy also said she knows how we feel and couldn’t have described it any better when she said it was like a constant merry-go-round with no way off, but she and Mark won’t give up and neither will Tom and I. She couldn’t desert her daughters, she added.

Ah, but I’m not as strong as some may think I am and I have no kids to leave behind. I’m glad I am loved and in good health, but I still can’t stomach the idea of being trapped here forever, broke and dreaming of impossible ways out.

Speaking of who we’re trapped with, Tom was driving in when he ran into Jesse at the fork.

“What’s he do, stand there and wait for you?” I asked Tom.

He was actually working on the electrical box nearby. He gave Tom something to pour down the toilet to treat the septic. Why Jesse didn’t just pour it down his own toilet is beyond me. Don’t we all shit in the same tank?

I spoke to my parents today, too. Dad was sympathetic to our situation, and it’s not that Mom wasn’t as well, but when you get things like, “I don’t call you to tell you business is sucky,” it kind of makes you wish you hadn’t bothered. Still, they cheered me up a bit along with Tammy.

The only things that are better right now are my vision and our connection. Yeah, my new little pink kiddy glasses arrived. It’s nice to see better, but glasses are glasses and I hate ‘em all.

As for the connection, it’s still shaky when it’s at its hottest and the sun shines on the wires, but otherwise it’s been more stable lately. I don’t know how long it will last but I’ll enjoy it while it does.

The weather’s been nice too; hot and dry. It was around 100º today.

Why is my left arm stronger than my right arm when I’m right-handed? I noticed this when I worked my arms today. In the past, I’ve beaten some people at arm wrestling with my left hand that I was unable to beat with the right.