“25 years ago we had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Today we have Obama, no cash and no hope.” 

LOL

Someone sent me a link on my diary and my first thought was that it was just someone trying to sell me something. But instead, it was a beautiful song and video about faith.

It got me thinking about that horrifying moment when Tom returned from the mail place and the grocery store and said, “You were right, no more Unemployment checks.” That gut-wrenching moment when my heart seemed to drop to the pit of my stomach and then me saying: You’ve filled out every goddamn application you could just to get nowhere these last 6 months! It’s the middle of the month and we haven’t a penny toward the rent. What are the odds of you getting a job in just two weeks?!”

And then by some miracle, he got a job, the doll we thought would sell for $150 sold for $435, a friend I haven’t seen since I was 11 cared to do more than just read about my situation and sent us some money even though I didn’t ask for a dime because I did not think we would survive anyway.

I still don’t know what saved us, but the timing was so amazingly miraculous that I find it hard to believe it was “coincidental.” I just wish I didn’t have to live in the fear of the shit hitting the fan for the zillionth time so I could fully enjoy the good times we’re presently experiencing. I’m not ungrateful and it’s not like I’m not enjoying them or that I could ever take times like this for granted. But the pattern is there. We’ve only had a few short bursts of smoother sailing since coming to Cali. Usually for just a few weeks with one of those bursts lasting for 6 months. So knowing we’ve been down much more than we’ve been up, it’s really hard not to fear that evil doesn’t silently lurk in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce yet again.

Will there be any miracle to save us next time?

For a while, I had no will to live. Then I thought I had no choice in the matter anyhow. But once I saw the first faint glimmer of hope I fought to live and to basically help get our lives back.

I run 3 miles most days of the week. I work my arms for 20 minutes and then my abs for an additional 10 minutes. I get pissed as easily as I don’t get scared. Despite some flab still hanging on, your average man and woman could not take me. looks toward the devil lurking in the shadows Wanna try me again MF?

Later…

I reactivated Formspring, though I admit I did it more because I’m curious to see if Andy contacts me than for any other reason. I like how you can now add pics to questions/answers. I probably shouldn’t bother, though, since he’s probably just going to piss me off again sooner or later.