OMG, Tom got the job at Toys R Us!!! The dream WAS a premonition! It’s only part-time at minimum wage and he may not actually start till around the first of October, but that and our eBay sales should be enough to save us till he gets something better. And he does have some better possibilities in the works. :)

I also had a dream in early August that suggested he would be working evenings on New Year’s Eve. Well, this job would probably mostly be weekends and evenings, but when he works is the least of our concerns right now. He’s willing to work any and all hours.

Do I dare even think about that dream I had where we moved straight from here to Florida? I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t get it off my mind! I still don’t know why or how I have dream premonitions or even how I know certain dreams may be telling me something in the first place. I guess it’s just a feeling one has that only one who has dream premonitions can understand. The reoccurring dreams or dreams that leave you with that “feeling” are the ones to pay attention to. At least that’s the way it’s been for me. When your “logic” loses the argument with that so-called other side of you, that’s when you know something’s up. So while my logic is saying the Florida dream was just a reflection of pure wishful thinking, my other side is arguing back with a big old fat, “Bullshit it was!”

What was really freaky yet neat was that just about 2 or 3 days before I went Florida dreamin’ I said to myself, “I wish something could send me a message in my dreams and that I could “see” where we’re headed to next.”

I just wish that win dream had meant something! Yet I haven’t won much and if I don’t win something good by the time my sweeps subscription expires on the 28th, I will give up sweeping for a while. Influencer or not, the economy is still shot to hell.

Anyway, I’m not going to post those sad, scary private entries I wrote on the 17th and 18th just yet, but I will say that just like last September, I cried tears of relief for hours even though this could be just a temporary fix if something else bigger and better doesn’t come along. There’s no doubt about it – something’s toying with us. Really, California keeps trying to kill us and if we don’t figure out a way out of this cursed state it just may eventually succeed! Where this state may be the answer to some people’s life situations and dreams, it’s been nothing but a total curse for us.

It makes sense now, as to why I didn’t have nightmares like crazy the day before Tom got our little “fuck off” letter from the government; because a job was right around the corner. Talk about perfect timing! It also explains why I was in a good mood all last night. I kept asking myself, “Why are you in a good mood? Nothing’s happened yet. You have no reason to be in a good mood.”

So after beating myself up the night before for stressing my ass off, I decided to just enjoy the good mood while it lasted. It was better than stress, after all. I still wonder, though; did my psychic side know deep down that we’d be ok? And will we really be ok for sure??? Really, I’m getting sick and tired of being teased with our survival! I don’t know how many more of these scares I can take.

This latest crisis has been a total wake-up call for us. One saying, “Don’t just talk about getting rid of your shit, do it!”

Well, we can sell/dump our stuff, and we are, but the biggest question is how the hell to come up with the 10-15 grand it’d take to safely get us outa here. I just hope we get to that point where we can have to figure that out! Yes, we lost our home in Arizona and yes we lost our land in Oregon, but we have never had such intense financial problems and scares since coming to this damn state. I just want to get the hell out like yesterday and I want to never step foot in it again when we do! Bad things can and do happen to us anywhere, but Cali really takes the cake where we’re concerned.

Before yesterday all I could think about was how so many people say that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Well, the streets would have been beyond more than I could ever handle! Yet after being pushed a little further into the dark than we were in ’07, it’s almost like something’s looking out for us as much as it loves to “punish” us. Yes, in a twisted sort of way, something helped save us. This was/is literally like falling and then having someone throw out a safety net just seconds before you hit the ground. I just hope it’s enough and that we don’t keep on reentering the same damn nightmare and eventually the one we can never wake up from.

For now, it is nice to go back to being able to bitch about those little things in life – cleaning, dieting, barking, etc. These things are once again a clear reminder that things can get a lot worse in life. A lot worse. Remember that the next time you get a flat tire or you realize you’ve run out of feminine supplies when your period starts.

Tonight I’m going to run a mile or two, work my arms for about 10 minutes, then my abs which are amazingly flat for one my age thanks to all the runs and loss of appetite, for about 5 minutes. After that, I’ll bitch about how much I hate to clean the kitchen while I’m actually doing it, then maybe – just maybe – I’ll work on my stories.

Later…

That’s interesting. Andy not only read my latest entry but he attempted to leave a comment. Only I’m not allowing them right now. I can’t help but wonder why he cares. Why would he even bother reading it or leaving comments? And just what would he have said? Something nasty? Something nice? Would he have identified himself, assuming I don’t know he still checks out my blog?