And the family drama goes on and on and on… Argh! Tammy messaged me from Lisa’s computer saying she still can’t get online. But this is supposedly cuz her computer’s broken. But doesn’t she have the money to get it fixed or to get a new one??? Maybe there’s more to it than I know.

Anyway, all she had to say was that Larry’s causing a lot of issues, Mom was taking his advice, and once again she’s the bad one. Ah, but we have nothing to worry about, she also says, saying that the lawyer will do the right thing. Really? You mean there are cops, judges, and lawyers that “do the right thing?”

If these so-called authority figures had our best interest in mind, then how come, as Tom pointed out, the police don’t care about those who have to live with excessive barking? Really, they don’t give a shit that people like me have to listen to Jesse’s mutts every time he takes off to either get laid by some street whore or play pool all night with his drunken buddies, but they sure as hell give a shit when someone has something to say that they don’t like or agree with. You bet they care then. Words will make people care, but actions won’t matter at all – WTF???

I asked Tom why they bother to make laws (against barking) if no one’s going to enforce them and he pointed out that the people that make the laws aren’t the same ones that are supposed to enforce them. Oh, so then maybe all we need to do is stick a barking dog outside every cop’s house for a good 10 hours or so and then maybe they’ll care enough to get these dog owners to be more responsible, right? Until then I guess they’ll continue to pick and choose what laws they want to enforce based on their own personal experiences and opinions.

As far as my mother goes, I’m fast running out of sympathy. Ok, so I’m sorry she’s depressed, demented and old, but I also wish she would just move onto the Pearly Gates so I can be done with the family drama after 46 years of having to deal with it! Well, make that 36 since I took a decade off. But I took that decade off for a reason and while most may disagree with me, just because my mother gave birth to me doesn’t make her God. It doesn’t make the things she did to me ok. I lost all respect for her years ago and I’m not about to apologize for my feelings nor will I sugarcoat them in any way. Abuse me and you’ll lose me no matter who you are, period. Motherhood does not excuse one from being abusive and I don’t care who may disagree with me or say I’m wrong for my feelings. I don’t care anymore who thinks what about me or who does or doesn’t believe whatever. I feel what I feel and I’m just sick of her and the whole damn family drama as a whole. I’m not obligated to stick around just because I may be related to her, but I will tolerate her existence in my life only because the evil witch supposedly doesn’t have much longer to go. Tammy said she’ll call next week with a health update; something I kind of hope isn’t very good at all. Really, I just wish she would drop dead so I can move on with or without a single penny. That woman spent half my childhood not only making me miserable but also shipping me off to this place or to that place so she could have a quieter, easier life. Well, let’s see God ship HER off for once so I too, can get a little more peace and not have to hear about or deal with the goddamn family drama.

Only problem is most people won’t let me go. Instead, they have to resort to childish, immature stalking and harassment rather than respect my wishes and focus their energies on those who actually want them around. I used to be the same way. It would hurt and piss me off when someone would dump me and I would do everything I could to make that person miserable until it caught up to me and karma bit me in the ass. These days, however, I accept that that’s just life and I let them go and move on. The only one that was hard to let go of and that dumped me over the last several years was Nane because Nane wasn’t just a friend.

So the point is that I’m afraid I’m stuck with Tammy whether I want her in my life or not. Do I? Well, I still don’t feel comfortable with someone in my life who could burn me as bad as she has and who has continued to lie about it because I always worry it will happen again. I don’t know what to do where she’s concerned. If I remain “friends” with her she’ll eventually pressure me to come see her or to let her come see me and neither Tom nor I want that. So what would I say at that point, that we can only be cyber friends? I don’t think that’ll sit well with her. Also, when the next poor spell hits she’d probably help us out so there’s that bridge to consider burning or not burning as well. Like I said, I don’t know what to do. If I do dump her, do I do it silently? Or do I explain and then walk away? And what do I do when she becomes another Kim and Molly? Pretend I don’t know her? That one’s actually kind of funny. The thought of saying I don’t have a sister named Tammy and that she must have the wrong person, but I say otherwise all over my journal. Still, it’s a bit of an amusing thought. sighs I just don’t know what to do. Going underground under a bogus name would be too much work and make me feel dishonest. She’s not worth the effort and neither is any other troll.

Well, I don’t know what I’m going to do just yet. My mother’s not dead yet. But I do know this much and that’s that there’s no law that says I have to associate with my sister or anyone else for that matter. Nor do I need to read and respond to any nasty emails, messages, comments and whatnot they may want to throw at me. So unless they physically come to my door and force me to deal with them, I don’t have to be “stuck” with anyone or succumb to their shit online and be their cyber victim.

Meanwhile, so long as God doesn’t throw yet another curveball at us, we’ll be out scouting parks this morning. Not because we haven’t already seen enough of them, but because we need to start writing down info on for-sale signs. Tom still thinks we’re not going to find a place in an ad but from a sign we see in person.

I was under the impression that all parks are the same and very black and white as far as whose credit is acceptable and whose isn’t. However, he says it would vary from park to park and that by the end of the week, we’ll know more. Yeah, right. I’ll believe it when I see it.

Later…

The nail on my ring finger got a crack in it down by the base so I brushed on some glue to see if that’ll hold it up a while longer. If not I’ll probably cut them all off.

For some reason, I had one dream after another about Molly’s mom last night. Nothing bad, just weird, LOL. Some were long and detailed. I’ll write about them later if I remember to.

I wonder where Alison’s been lately? She peeked in on my blog yesterday but never answered my email. Have I been dumped?

Still don’t know what to make of the random bouts of water retention that hit me out of the blue at odd times of the month. I also don’t like the fact that I not only can’t lose weight on 1500 calories a day plus exercise, but I can even gain weight on that. Finally, I said to myself, if you want to know if something’s wrong with you and if you should see a doctor, starve yourself! If you don’t lose weight then, then yes, something’s wrong.

But it sure is easier said than done. I got up at midnight and had a yogurt a couple of hours later before I went to work out. I can’t work out on an empty stomach. But around 5am the hunger pangs started biting really hard, so I had a protein bar about an hour later. It took a while for my stomach to get that there was now a little food in it, so the pangs backed off somewhat. How could I stand to be anorexic in my late teens???

I miss allowing anonymous comments on my blogs, but I know that if I do I’ll just get hit with spam, scammers, trolls and other shit like that. I don’t need people telling me no one cares about what I have to say (even though they cared enough to take the time to read my blog) or to be told to contact them so they can show me their picture, or phishers telling me to contact the FBI and other law enforcement agencies or else! It’s always the same old shit, though some comments were interesting.