I stripped the plum crackle and white and glazed my nails in Boathouse, which my mom sent me a couple of years ago or so. I used to think that particular shade of red was dazzling but now it just seems so there. It’s almost all used up anyway.

Andy asked for a close-up of my face. Of this fat, old ugly face? Not sure he’d like to see that. Really, I’m not getting any thinner, younger or prettier! On the other hand, why hide forever, right? We all get old and most of us get fat with age, too. Nothing anyone thinks is going to change things anyway, so one of these days I’ll take some face shots. Just not right now.

Now I’m just wishing to hell I knew what was going on so we could get on with our lives. All I do know is that we can’t afford first best. That means settling for second best (if the parks will let us) or giving the Jes pest’s place a serious makeover so we can live here more comfortably until he retires in a decade or so. The thought of staying here another decade both saddens and frustrates me, but as I’ve said many times before, there are worse places to be. Staying here wouldn’t be the end of the world. Someday we will get out of here, though. We really won’t be here forever. But if we weren’t meant to be here we wouldn’t have been here for so long, and I have a feeling we’re not getting out anytime soon so we might as well just make the best of it. One way to do that is to focus on what I would’ve missed had we moved. I would’ve missed people not parking alongside us. I would’ve missed not having people be able to drive by the place, even if they were all park residents. I would’ve missed being surrounded by so much nature. To open the back windows and see nothing but trees is really nice.

Our credit is so bad that I’m almost positive that all we’d be able to rent from were individuals like Jesse. Well, why move from one individually owned dump to another since anything nicer would be well over a grand a month? It also may include a much peskier landlord and a lot more barking. Almost all the rural rentals are on shared lots. If you don’t live with the landlord you live with other renters. Still, I’m willing to try for the best of what we can afford in a 55+ place even though I’m 80% - 90% sure they’ll turn us down despite the fact that we can prove we pay more right here each month.

Andy’s mom has her place up for sale. She’s going to live in a senior place herself. Two prospective buyers failed to show up, he said. I still don’t get the failing to keep appointments or dates. What do people get out of it? Is it just funny to them or something? Well, we’re not going to do business with anyone who’s unreliable, bad credit or not.

I’ve been in places I didn’t want to be in for most of my life. It’s nothing new to me and I’m plenty used to it. Those are just the places I was meant to be in, even if it doesn’t seem fair and I don’t get why. As I pointed out to Tom yesterday, we lost two places of our own yet even when the situation seemed totally hopeless as it did last fall, we sure couldn’t lose someone else’s dumpy heap of shit, could we?

Later…

When Obama was first elected I had mixed emotions about it. I was glad to see a Democrat back in power, and sure it was nice to see the first black president. But I was also bothered by it because I don’t believe we’ll ever see our first woman or gay president and because I believe he was chosen mostly for his color. Sorry, but I’m just not ok with favoring any group in particular any more than I’m okay with shitting on a particular group. But that’s just the way the world is in 2012 – gays are shit on the most, whites are sort of in the middle, and non-whites are the favorites. They rule the courts, workplaces, and residential areas in most of the country now, and that’s not going to change anytime soon whether I like it or not.

But the reason I hope Obama’s reelected has nothing to do with his color. Unlike most people, I see beyond color and into what really matters. What matters is that I not only think he turned out to be the best president ever since he got the healthcare thing to pass as well as the abolishment of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell in the military, but he’s a Democrat. I hate Republicans because they don’t believe women and gays should ever have any rights. All politicians may be high on power and greed, but I know I sure as hell don’t want a president who works for the so-called straight male only.

Again I deactivated on Twitter cuz again I just couldn’t get into that site. There’s just no point in it for me, and they won’t stop forcing promoted tweets on people’s timelines, which to me is like spam.