Getting more views from Florida and wondering if it’s anyone I know. Mary? A friend or family member? And who asked “Are you jealous of Tammy because she’s doing better than you?” on Ask? Molly? Kim? Someone else? My guess is Molly, so I deleted that question and “apologized” from her to me for stalking me out of jealousy. I suppose I really should just delete and ignore shit like this, though.

People have said that I should forgive my mother because if I do, then she’ll no longer have control over me. First of all, forgiveness is not a matter of choice any more than what foods, colors or music we like and dislike. Secondly, she doesn’t have control over me or my life and she hasn’t since the day I moved out on my own right before I turned 19. Sometimes I wonder if most people really encourage forgiveness in hopes that people will be quicker to forgive them when people get mad at them for whatever. Not saying this is the case. I’m just saying it’s not something I can consciously pick and choose to do at will. If you can, then wow. Just wow. You’re amazing.

When I was around 7 or 8 my mom was playing music in our living room one day. It was a song called Mama by Connie Francis. In a very melancholy voice, she sang of missing her dead mother and it made me very sad. The thought of losing my own mother, despite how abusive she could be, brought me to tears. I couldn’t imagine life without mom for all mothers abused their kids, right? That was perfectly normal, right?

Well, I haven’t heard back from my sister yet and I don’t know if my mom’s gone yet or not, but the me of today who knows what’s “normal” and what’s not, is not in tears at all.

Anyway, I’ll just be glad when all is said and done, but not as much as Tammy no doubt will be. She’s not doing well at all. She’s in poor health and the trips to and from Florida have been costing her a fortune.

Still no moving dreams and still not sure what I want. It’s easy for me to say I want a 1990 or newer place that’s 1000-1500 square feet cuz that’s sufficient space for two people and then there’d be less renovating to do. But if we go with an older place, we could make it exactly what we want it to be and save money on the monthly lot rent.

Pam, his coworker who lives there, told us something good and bad. The bad is that it may take a few weeks for the park to process our application. The good is that she says she thinks we’ll get in. She says she’s known of people who have gotten in with horrible credit and our credit isn’t “horrible.” It’s just not that good.

Tom’s gonna replace the brakes on the car soon cuz that’s another good and bad thing right there. Whatever park we get into won’t let you work on cars there. This is good since that is totally, totally annoying to have to listen to. The Jes pest is already running, gunning, beating and bashing that old truck of his and it’s so annoying to have to listen to at this distance. So to have people do this shit just a few feet away would drive me crazy. As it is I still think I’m going to hear enough barking dogs being walked around the park, people hanging out chatting, vehicles coming and going, landscaping projects, etc. Hopefully, none of it will be overly loud, though, and I’m sure that at night as well as when it’s raining or really hot, it should be pretty peaceful.

I was listening to electromagnetic vibrations converted into sound waves of the Earth and other planets. It’s awesome! Weird but awesome. I’ve always been fascinated by outer space and the endless possibilities of the various forms of intelligent life that could exist in other solar systems.