I dumped the “Justin” account because I realized that by keeping that up I was being just as bad as Kim by pretending to be someone I’m not. Plus, Aly seems to follow me regularly and the last thing I wanted was to feel like I was deceiving her. She asked if I was behind it and I had to lie and say no because she’s shown she doesn’t always keep my secrets like I thought she did. I don’t think she’s been in touch with Kim for quite a while, but still. I have to be careful with her at least somewhat, and well, the thought of admitting it was me was a bit embarrassing.

Due to Mary joining MyOpera, though she hasn’t done any actual blogging yet, I was quick to warn her about Molly, who not surprisingly, linked to her profile through a comment she left on my own blog. Mary said she doesn’t communicate with many people anyway due to trust issues, so that’s good.

Molly wrote in her blog that she’s waiting to go to the airport (from Austin to southern TX?) and will be home for two weeks. Then she returns to the group home on 12/30, but classes don’t start till 1/7. sighs So I can expect several views a day from her for the next 3 weeks and maybe some comments and questions, too. I am NOT tweaking my settings again! Not for her or anyone else. All I’ll do is hide my friends on Facebook. It goes to show, though, that she hasn’t and never will change. Give it a computer and free time and all it does is play peekaboo. She spent an hour on my blog yesterday.

I couldn’t resist playing with her, though, childish or not. She wished me a great Christmas on Ask as if we were old buddies, and I would reply, then delete. Fucking Ask, though, for not allowing blocked accounts to actually be blocked! I checked and I do have her blocked yet the “question” still went through. She’d have come at me anonymously if she had to, but it’s still frustrating when sites don’t work properly, and of course if I complain to them, they’ll just ignore it. Anyway, once you reply to a non-anonymous question, they get a notice saying you replied. The question also gets sent back to your inbox. So after I would answer and delete the question several times, she would’ve gotten about 5 notices. That’ll no doubt confuse her since she only asked me 1 question.

Someone, that must know at least a little about me, has been asking questions about the rats, what color my nail polish is and questions like that. I always wonder if it’s Kim, but as long as it’s not as obvious as if she were signing her name, I will answer them. I hate to possibly make her think that answering them it makes us buddies in her sick twisted mind, though, cuz she’s the type who would feel and believe we were interacting in such a manner as if I knew it was her.

She must be able to think and figure somewhat since she refuses to contact me out of anonymity. Thank God for this too, because as soon as she throws anonymity to the wind, she could become a real nightmare.

Spent the morning working out and doing some work around here. Unfortunately, Tom has a cold now. I don’t know if it’s something he caught from someone at work or if he’s just overworked, but it is that time of year for that sort of thing.

Tom found that they have countertop dishwashers for around $250, and thought it would be nice to have one. I’d rather just get the fuck out of here and into a nicer, bigger place with one that’s already built-in or that we could install right away. But that’s just not going to happen. No matter how much OT he works and money we save, we’re obviously not meant to move and so we’re not going to do so for many years to come.

But does that mean I want to get a dishwasher and cram it into an already cramped little dive? Hmm… I’m not so sure about that. I’d rather have a full-size washer/dryer but there’s no way in hell we could ever get that in here. I don’t know what I want to do yet, but I do know I agree with him about plowing money into fixing up and expanding someone else’s place. If we did that and Jesse decided to sell out, we’d be fucked out of all our hard work and money. Still, I don’t want to waste time with what isn’t meant to be. This is where we were meant to be, this is our home, and this is where we very well may be meant to stay until Tom retires. So I will only make improvements and adjustments that wouldn’t be of any loss to us if Jesse did decide to either sell out or kick us out cuz some relative who just got a divorce or lost their house in a fire may need a place to live.

Later…

After getting a slew of questions I suspected might be from Kim, mostly asking about the rats, nails, Andy and my weather, I anonymously got: plz don’t post this but it is kim asking you most stuff on here today. don’t encourage her. she thinks you 2 can be friends again. I know Kim and she really misses you she tells me this over and over again.

How the hell can you “really miss” someone you obviously hated all along and still do? Or maybe she once did, feels sorry, and now she just loves me. I don’t know why my friendship is so important to her when she’s got other friends (till she loses them, too) and can make new ones as well. If she could just stop with the lies and impersonations and be herself and herself only, she may be able to make friends that she can actually keep. Meanwhile, and just to set the record straight even though I’ve already done so, I will NEVER be Kim’s friend ever again. There is ZERO chance or hope of our so-called friendship ever being salvaged. It was over half a year ago. Get over it already, I say. If she still can’t get over it that’s her problem because we’ll never ever, under any circumstances, be friends again. If I was dirt poor and she offered to pay me to be her friend, she still couldn’t win me back.

Wish she would turn gorgeous! Then she wouldn’t want a damn thing to do with me after all I’ve had to say about her. Anyone that knows me knows that the crazier and or uglier one is, the more they latch onto me as if I were just as fucked and ugly. It’s just how my shit luck usually goes. As for us ever being buddies again, though? That’s the Kimpossible dream! But she’s welcome to come to my home anytime. That way I could fix things enough to make her a permanently closed chapter of my life not just for me, but for her as well. She’d never have to “miss” me again.

There’s more. Aly had a dream about her she said I could share, but I’m calling her Carla. Well, “Carla” and I were visiting someone who was dark-haired and worked at a daycare where Kim happened to be. Kim was dressed like a little boy with a long Donald Duck jersey, grubby jeans and a backward hat. We entered a room and noticed her talking to a distorted-looking stuffed animal.

We glanced at each other as soon as we realized it was Kim, but it was too late. Before we could leave the room, she spotted us, threw down the stuffed animal, and ran toward us, spit dribbling down her chin.

Carla said that in the dream I had a beautiful silvery-gray and ivory rat with me that Kim saw in my pocket and grabbed before I could stop her. She started singing, “My rat, my rat, look everybody at my rat. It’s not Jodi’s rat, it’s my rat!”

One of us whispered to the other that she was obviously a fruitcake and gently told her that Snowbelle was my rat but that she could continue to pet her as long as she was nice. Kim started laughing and waddled off with the rat who then bit her on the nose and flew out of Kim’s arms and into my hands. Carla said she woke up then, laughing and saying something like “Hooray for flying rats!”