I’m a bit worried about Tom right now because he’s been so damn rundown. We first attributed this to all the OT, and of course he’s still getting over a cold and all that, but he agrees he’s got to get tested at some point to see if his iron levels are off. He had other testing upon getting hired on permanently that went well, but I always worry about him anyway. I’ve seen enough unfairness in this world and countless times where evil is blessed while good is cursed. I just worry God will think he’s “too good” to remain healthy or that He’ll want to take His anger for me out on Tom. What better way to get at someone you don’t like than to take it out on their loved ones?

Once I got with Tom there was no looking back and I could never imagine life without him just as many parents say they can’t imagine life without their kids once they’ve had them. So, if he goes, I go, and I don’t care how many offers I may get from those who love me enough not to mind my sleep disorder/schedule and who would feel that my doing the cleaning and laundry would be enough of a payback for giving me food and shelter, along with my love and friendship.

But I am sure my if-he-goes-I-go decision would be over one’s head unless they have truly loved and been loved by someone unconditionally other than a parent or something like that, just like those who have been quick to tell me “Well, this happened to you because of blah, blah, blah…” or “That happened because of this or that,” as if they witnessed the experience through my eyes and lived it right along with me, actually had no idea what the hell they were even talking about. Or at least not all the facts anyway. Nonetheless, I’m Tom’s wife. I’m the one that’s lived with him for nearly 20 years now. So only I can truly understand the bond we have just like we’re the only ones who can know and understand what happened with the Phoenix freeloaders, what it’s really like to have my kind of sleep disorder/birth defect, and what it was like to be a ward of the state with parents like Art & Doe O. I can tell you about it and try to describe feelings and experiences, but just like I recently said as far as researching life in Pakistan goes for my book, research and hearsay can never truly make up for living and experiencing something firsthand.

As for me, I used to bitch I was 80% - 90% PMS and just 10% - 20% period, but now I’m 100% PMS and 0% period. My back aches, I have enough water to fill a swimming pool with, and I worry I’m going to gain an endless amount of weight no matter what I do. Tom gave me a back massage earlier but it’s aching again. I’ll pop an Aleve if it gets that annoying. At least I’ve only had one bad ear spell since my dental bridge was put in on my birthday.

Later…

Really getting sick of Tammy’s “call me!” obsession. Again I had to stress to her when she wanted me to call so she, Mark and the girls could talk to both of us, about why we needed to wait till we move. Besides, with a cell phone, we’d have to keep passing it back and forth. We’ll definitely all chat when we get out of here but even then, as I told her, don’t expect me to gab for an hour or two every few days.

She said she’s got a diary on my-diary, but again she failed to give me a link. When she’s done playing with me she’ll give it to me. Unless she’s using a different name, none of the Tammys I searched for there seem to be her. Gotta laugh at the thought of her giving up on MO. I guess it was just too over her head.

It’s too soon to say how long it will last, but the trolls really seem to think “Tia” is for real. I hate not being able to be myself and I hate having to watch what I ask Andy and how I answer him, but I want to do it a while longer till the trolls HOPEFULLY get sick of hanging around to see if I’ve returned.

I haven’t been into the role-playing thing, and pretending to be someone I’m not, no matter how ordinary and boring the truth may be, for many years now. I miss being able to really get into that sort of thing and a part of me wishes I could really get myself to actually believe I’m whoever I’m pretending to be and whoever I’m pretending to be with, wherever we may be, so long as I could snap back out of it the instant I wanted to.

Got a royalty payment from UK book sales but it doesn’t compare to the mad money Tom’s making with all the OT.

I know I’ve said this a million times already but I am sooo sick of living here and being well-to-do people living like they’re still poor. I can’t wait for the holidays to be done and over with so we can really get a move on trying to move. The plumbing problems, leaks, Internet and phone issues are driving me batshit crazy! The MagicJack phone is sitting here going to waste and I still don’t want to buy minutes for the cell, whether we could afford them or not, to tell people the same things I can tell them online. The cell is just for urgent things.

The shower’s leaking again and this time I worry it’s the hot water side. I don’t care about Jesse’s water, but I care about our propane. Like it or not we may have to get him down to fix things right after the New Year. I guess we were just meant to be the ones to have to deal with him replacing all this old shit so the next people in here can have an easier life.

Sugar is turning out to be the smallest rat we’ve ever had. Not sure why, but he seems healthy. I just went out to see if they wanted to go to the “massage parlor” but they’re sleeping. We have this new thing now where I place my hands in the cage and wiggle my fingers. They then come up and press themselves against my fingers for a massage. Of course Romeo still loves to nip and try to drag my hand across the cage by my finger, LOL.