It’s weird how Mom, Dad, and Larry died almost on the same day of the months they died, the 22nd, 23rd and 24th. Just like 3 of us were born almost on the same days, 4th, 5th, 6th. Tammy and I will have to watch our backs on the 21st since the dates seem to be going backward.

Still getting backaches in my middle back, but not as much. I don’t think it has to do with the new mattress, though. This is a high-quality mattress and not the right kind of backache that normally comes with bad mattresses. The old mattress used to give me backaches in my very lower back. Besides, it’s been too long. This mattress is actually continuing to amaze me with just how comfortable it is. I just hate the hotness that the memory foam topper brings. At the same time, memory foam is so much more durable than regular foam.

Tom and I were discussing a problem we never thought we’d live to have, trying not to make too much money. He estimates that next year he’s going to make so damn much that he’ll fall into a particular tax bracket that could cause us to lose quite a bit of it. He explained to me that there’s this old, ancient setup that they never fixed where if you spill just over into the next tax bracket you could lose about a grand and it’s like you’re working for nothing at the very end of the year since it all has to go to taxes. So the way around it is to plow more money into the 401K. Our checks will be a little smaller that way, but not significantly. It’s better than losing it to schools we never had any kids attend, roads we’ll never drive on, hospitals we’ll never be in, welfare bums and other countries.

Upon reading back on the hell we went through for months trying to get into the Maricopa house with the way the well driller and so many others kept fucking things up and just all kinds of shit, CLEARLY something did NOT want us living there. I mean, it was just so, so obvious. The signs were there all along and it’s not like I’m only realizing this just now. I knew something up there didn’t want us leaving Phoenix or getting a nice house. It was like it WANTED us to stay with the welfare bums next door and all the chaos that was going on there, and it wanted us to live in old dumps. The Phoenix house wasn’t as dumpy as the house we rented in Oregon, though, and this trailer isn’t as dumpy as the Oregon house.

Just wondering if, in a whole different way, something’s going to be against us owning our own place again and determined to try to stop us and send all kinds of curveballs our way. The house won’t be nearly as nice, though, and its nearest neighbors are going to be a few feet away, not a few hundred.

Well, the God that has hated me since the day I was born can hate me all He wants along with whatever else is up there, and they all may feel this is all we deserve, but we don’t. And we WILL get out of here someday and we WILL live where we want and it will NOT be taken away from us until and if we decide to sell it.

Two friends of mine have complained of nightmares (Andy and Alison) and I’ve been experiencing the same thing. I seem to have nothing but very sad, scary and negative dreams.

Some German guy wanted to rape and kill me, but let me go unharmed when he realized I could speak some of his ugly language.

In another, I didn’t seem to know Tom and my parents were still alive. I took a clutch with me to a club. In the clutch was over a grand in cash meant for the month’s expenses. I placed it down on the counter where I ordered a drink, turned around for a second, and then discovered that the clutch was gone. I woke up in a panic, trying to decide if I should run to my parents for help or just kill myself.

In another dream, Tom and I rented a luxury apartment. We’d never rent an apartment, luxurious or not, but the apartment was so beautiful that I truly loved it. A couple of people who worked at the place were with me, offering to help unpack. I said no thanks, and that Tom could help once he got back from wherever he was. Then I said, “Hey, do you ever sell any of these units? If the neighbors can be civilized and not bang doors, cabinets, stomp, blast music and TVs and all the shit they usually do, I just may be interested in owning one of these places.”

They say we dream of our fears, and the stolen purse is actually kind of common for me. I mostly dream of poverty and being held places against my will.

It’s frustrating when trolls pick on the innocent, but it becomes funny when they pick on each other. I don’t think Molly is picking on Kim since Kim likes to hide, but she sure is picking on Molly, LOL. Kim first pretended to be others on Ask, including “Tia,” and then she was actually herself on MO – OMG! – trying to get Molly to buddy up with her. Same old whiny crap she’d give me – why are you deleting my comments? I’m trying to be nice to you.

So then Kim does go to MO after all. But does she only go to trackless pages there, or is she disabling cookies?

It’s Kim’s refusal to change and lack of concern for others that confirms in my mind that dumping her was the right thing to do. She was/is just too dishonest and too crazy. So much so that I honestly think she’s beyond change. Probably doesn’t even want to change. She is positively devoid of shame, guilt, remorse, empathy, compassion or self-respect. Obviously, she hates herself tremendously. Why else would she pretend to be someone else most of the time? And why else would she pay so much attention to those who don’t like her? Because that’s all she feels she deserves, obviously, or else she’d wipe the slate clean and start afresh by making new friends. Friends that are either just as fucked as she is or that don’t mind her lies, her bullshit, her delusions and her endless banter all about her favorite subject – herself and her dumb-ass stories that make little sense at all. No wonder so many of Kim’s own family members dumped her on Facebook like she once told me they did. They obviously were embarrassed to be associated with her once they realized they were being impersonated or some crazy shit like that.

Can people like Kim ever feel a sense of guilt? How about embarrassment for their behavior? Can they feel that? I don’t know what disgusts and sickens me more, women who get off on abuse, or those who get off on trying to befriend those who don’t want to even talk to them, let alone be friends with them.

Why are my nieces all, “RIP Uncle Larry?” I thought they hated the guy for the shit he supposedly said to their mother. And again, what’s with Sarah’s claim of never having an aunt and with Tammy saying their aunt Etta never cared about them? She seems rather concerned about them from what I can tell.

Later…

I can kind of understand why a woman may sometimes gravitate toward abusive men. But I don’t get one single bit why some people choose to follow those that dislike them. Why would anyone want to surround themselves with people who simply don’t give a shit about them? Kim said the dream I had about her that I shared (although made up) wasn’t funny – and I know it was her – so I just wonder why she tunes in every single day to a blog that isn’t “funny.”

I asked Tom if he thought the spirits of the dead, if they really do exist, could influence the living. Could my mother and brother bring harm my way? Could Anna bring good? He said he wouldn’t worry about my mother or brother doing anything bad, using serial killers as an example. If spirits could do bad things, he said, then the spirits of those they killed would lash out at them before they could get to 10, 11, or 12 killings.

He has a point there. Also, good spirits would have all their loved ones win the lottery or something like that. So I agree with him in that there could be subtle influences, but nothing major. I just hope that not too many negative “subtle influences” start occurring as things like that have a way of adding up.

Finally had some spotting earlier, so maybe I will get a period again after all. I figured I would eventually.

The new scanner and second air cleaner arrived today. I’m looking forward to scanning in tons of pics throughout the night. Gonna ultimately share them on FB and maybe I’ll throw some in my blogs or on Ask here and there as well. I doubt most people would find them very exciting. They’re mostly old family pics.