Tammy left an 8-minute message (I can’t believe it let her ramble that long) telling me stuff I pretty much already know, but nothing bad. She said the girls would like to have an aunt in their lives and reach out to me and all that shit and would like it if I reached out to them little by little like Etta, their other aunt, reached out to them. However, they were a bit hurt over my bashing Bill in my blog. She said they totally understood my ill feelings for him, were old enough to know he was/is no saint, and understood that my journal is a place for expressing myself, etc. However, I don’t have a problem with not mentioning him, and I told all 3 of them this. I’ve already said what I have to say about him anyway.

Although I’ll never forgive Bill, even if he didn’t realize the full extent of the consequences of his actions, I believe what happened was destined to be as sick, wrong, cruel, and as unfair as it was. If it weren’t for Bill, God would have used someone else to take the welfare bums by the hand and lead them to our door. Still… if he does croak of cancer I’ll be sure to keep my delight out of public for a while. I also won’t get involved in current family disputes (with them and Lisa) or take sides cuz that’s how trouble starts. Not that they asked me to or anything like that. I’m sorry they’re not getting along, but it’s got nothing to do with us just like my ill feelings (and I told the girls this) for Bill has nothing to do with them.

Lastly, not to take it personally that tech issues or not I’m just not a phone person. It’s much easier to keep in touch online.

The girls said they understood.

Tammy also mentioned having - I think she said Internet issues and not computer issues - and I was surprised at first. Then it hit me that if she’s out in the boonies too, she may have the same kind of shitty DSL we have. The net was down here for 2½ hours and we didn’t think it was going to come back, so Tom fine-tuned the antennae by throwing it on the roof and switched us to the hotspot. We’d drop AT&T and do the hotspot full-time if it weren’t so expensive. We could afford it, but it would eat into our savings and we don’t want that. The net did come back on, though.

What I didn’t tell her was that I’m indifferent to whether or not she and the girls remain in my life, as there are pros and cons to both. People do come and go throughout our lives and one does get used to it. This doesn’t mean I wouldn’t feel bad, though, if Becky fell down and broke her leg or something.

She hasn’t had time to start her journal yet, she said, and I guess Becky does have to have eye surgery, which sucks.

Strange thinking how Tammy was just a breath away from ultimately ending up as siblingless as she is parentless when Tom and I nearly offed ourselves to save us from the streets. But we were the ones to survive in the end, and now I just hope that God’s giving Mom in the afterlife what she deserves cuz He sure as hell didn’t give it to her here.

Here’s the best news. She talked to Walter and “coincidently,” considering what my vibes and dreams have been telling me as far as getting more than just a few grand goes, she said she really believes I’ll get a good amount of money. Well, anything would help with getting a nicer place, but I still don’t want to assume anything, no matter what my vibes and dreams may say till I actually see anything. Meanwhile, Walter’s wrapping up the final business deals and paperwork and all that stuff.

I’ve been having a feeling of major change coming in April too, but don’t know what kind of change. I’d love to think that’s when we’ll move, but that seems awfully soon.

Tammy’s been kind enough to ID the “dead bodies,” or mostly dead ones in the super old family pics that I uploaded to FB. For now, they’re visible only to her until she finishes identifying everyone for me. I know who most of them are, though.

Seems Nana and Pa got the house next to us sooner than I realized. I thought it was built around the time ours was and that we all moved in at the same time. But there’s a picture of both my grandparents with Mom, Dad, and either baby Larry or Tammy. Well, Papa Joe died before I was born, so they had to have been there since at least the 50s.

Tom’s now thinking he had a stomach bug and that that’s why he puked last night and not because he overate. This makes more sense because while he may get carried away at times, especially on weekends, I’ve never known him to eat too fast and too much till it actually made him puke.

My boobs were sore yesterday and I thought I’d be getting a period, something I’m not entirely against with all the water retention I’ve been experiencing, but now they’re not that sore and I don’t know what to think. Menopause? A fluky month? Something else?