Before I get to bitching about the usual stuff, I decided to hang up public blogging. It's really lost its appeal. The novelty has long since worn off. But I'm not going to can it completely. I was thinking I would do “live” updates for the few cyber friends that read me (plus Swell) and then maybe update Blogger in chunks. I wish I could make it private and then make it public if I want to later on down the road, but then I am presented with the issues of Blogger censoring and labeling some of my stuff as X-rated even though it’s not. Not sure whether or not to update that one by the day or by the month when I do update it. I'll have to backdate things, of course. But I can leave what I've got public thus far on LJ public and then carry on with private entries from there. Then I'll share things with a few friends on PB and FB.

I'm just tired of having to censor this and censor that. I just want to write for me. No one needs to know it all anyway. I just have to decide what to do about Blogger. Do I just leave it sitting there? Do I update it in yearly chunks? Or do I turn it private? I feel I've censored, changed, and deleted way too much stuff over the years that I normally wouldn't have. So now it's time to forget about that and just be selfish and write for me. Well, not until the first. That way, I can remember what year to start making things public on LJ later on in the future, and go from there on up.

I awoke utterly batshit exhausted. Definitely got the hallmarks of too much levo, and I'm not touching anything today that isn't related to allergies, and of course, a whole Clonazepam before bed. I hate to give back the 2 lbs I lost without even trying, but it's totally worth it to stop waking up on fire every 30 to 60 minutes, let alone the elevated HR. I've been a little wound up for the last week or so. I'm not meant to have a normal metabolism any more than I'm meant to sleep. No matter how many times I try, no matter how old I get, I just can't handle getting too close, let alone into the target range. I've got to be a four or five right now.

God, I wish there was some alternative to this damn drug, but thyroid is thyroid. There's no getting around that. It might take two or three skips to bring my levels back to where I can sleep a little better. I'm just not going to do it all in a row, of course.

Again, I had gas issues in my sleep, but it finally hit me as to why. It's the probiotic drinks I've been having. If I could sleep normally, my brain would work better, and I would have thought of that earlier. Hopefully, having those less often will stop gas from becoming the new chipmunks.

Also woke up suffocating once or twice. I really, really hope this mask works so I can crank it to more therapeutic levels.

I feel so hopeless where the sleep and energy are concerned. It just keeps getting worse and worse with no end in sight. Even my vision is blurry and my brain hurts. I can barely think straight or see straight I'm so tired. Sooner or later, this is going to kill me, and if it doesn't, it's going to cause a debilitating stroke or heart attack. This can't possibly be good for me in any way, shape, or form.

Definitely not going to win NewNo. As long as I'm this tired this often, there's just no way. No way I can work out or do much of anything else either. I'm so pissed because the temperature and my schedule would have been perfect today and yesterday for outdoor walking, but there's just no way. It's going to take me days to get back on track, and of course, as soon as I do…

Just accidentally discovered something pretty cool the CPAP can do. I just can't breathe well with these collapsed nasal valves, even with a nose strip, on 4 when I'm trying to fall asleep, which is what it starts on. So I decided to set both minimum and maximum pressures to 7. However, it would not start at 7. So then I decided to ramp it to 7 (where you do a mask seal test) and see if it would stay on 7 if I didn't stop it, and it did! I don't want to experiment much with the mouthpiece until I get caught up on sleep.

I still want to try to get a mouthguard and the nasal valve surgery. I'm not gonna make a career out of trying to get care, though. As I learned years ago, you try something for a while, and if it isn't meant to be, it isn't meant to be, and you just gotta move on.

A little stressed out because I know that damn cock is likely going to take the motorcycle out today. Obviously, he was prepping to do that yesterday. He didn't wake me up, but he fired it up and “gently” revved it, according to Tom, after charging the battery for hours. He let it idle for a minute or two, but Tom never heard it leave.

Although I was tired yesterday too (just not quite as much as today), we went out to pick up my medication at Walgreens and then to Publix. Of course I had to get another candle! It's a brand called Candle Lite, and it's OK. Island Coconut Mahogany is the scent I chose. The throw is a little milder than I'd like.

I also got the Glade 2-in-1 candle, which is refreshing and fruity.

As I said, I'm totally not in the frame of mind to play around with the new mouth mask today, being as tired as I am, so I think I'll just wait until I have more energy and then wear the thing for a while and get used to it in increments. Just like I had to take baby steps with the nasal mask. When I first tried it out yesterday, I thought No way! There's absolutely no way I can use it. The force of air was just too much. But then I found that when I pushed it snugly in my mouth where air wasn't leaking, it didn't seem nearly as forceful. I still don't know if it will work. I'm a long way from knowing that much. But it gave me a little bit of hope.

I was also glad to read that they only recommend you use nose plugs for a couple of weeks to train yourself not to breathe through your nose. Well, I did train myself to keep my mouth shut even though I still get chipmunked on higher pressure settings, so maybe I can train myself to go in reverse. I’d love to get full therapy without chipmunks, whistles, and other shit! I don't need sleep apnea adding to my other sources of fatigue. I think the only reason I had a little more energy on the days I wasn't tired recently was that my TSH was coming down.

Discovered that Andy is following me. I don't usually feel comfortable with lying these days, but I told a little white lie that I actually feel good about. I made a public post saying that I've been trying to accept some recent friend invites, but there were glitches. He knows how glitchy Facebook is, so he'll buy it. He reacted with a crying emoji, too. Didn't realize people could react to my public posts. At least they can't comment. Just why is it that we always hear more from those we don't want to hear from? Still, this way I feel like I'm keeping him out of my life without blatantly rejecting him.

I swapped my computers because I can't stand the laptop's speech-to-text. Fortunately, that option isn't forced on us, or even supported on my desktop, which is now in the bedroom where I spend more time. I was excited at first to think that I could just leave it on and just talk type anytime I was in a text box. But sometimes Tom would start talking, I’d forget to turn it off, or it would decide to add random text of its own. I also had issues turning the damn thing off.