Trying an oral CPAP mask with nose plugs that should arrive in 5 days. If this works and I can tolerate it, it could get me out of needing nasal valve surgery and a mouth guard. Sounds too good to be true, doesn't it? Oh well, I'll try anything once, especially if it has a money-back guarantee.

I feel absolutely horrible now. So horrible I can barely lie in bed talk-typing this. This has got to end one way or another. I can't go on with so much exhaustion so often. I just can't. If I can't figure out a solution, then I’m gone. I mean, literally gone. I'm not going to stick around and suffer for another 15-plus years. People need sleep, and they need to breathe, you know?

Last night was horrible. I had everything from chipmunks to snoring to allergies to waking up for no apparent reason. I still don't see myself beating this curse, and yes, I believe wholeheartedly that there is a genuine and very real curse on my sleep—I just don't know why. How did it get there, and why? I've had sleep issues all my life, but never this bad. I don't think I can beat this thing, but I'm going to make one last-ditch effort to try to beat it and therefore save myself before I’m pushed into a debilitating stroke or heart attack that would make my life even worse. If I'm truly destined to suffer for the rest of my life, then I would rather go on my own terms than because of what this may lead to, while allowing myself to suffer for God knows how many more years.

Anyway, the CPAP has a money-back guarantee, so that's why I'm trying it, although I have my doubts as to whether or not I'll be able to tolerate it or that it will even work properly for me. It sits directly in your mouth, and I don't know that I'll be able to tolerate the force of the air even on low pressure, which would definitely seem more forceful than going up my nose. Next, I don't know if the harness would be comfortable enough to tolerate or how well it stays in place.

According to Tom’s research, some reviewers said it stays in place so well that they didn’t even need the harness. My quick-release hose would work with it. It comes with plugs you shove up your nose, and some people complain that they blow out of their nose. Because I’m tiny, I’m a little worried that my features may be too small for this thing, especially my nose. Shoving something up it to block it isn’t my only option, though. We could use nose pinchers.

Some reviewers say they use their nasal pillow in conjunction with it, and I wonder how. You would have to have some kind of T-connector, I would think. Others say they only use it when they have a cold. Well, if I could bypass the nasal valve issues and the allergies, then there wouldn’t be any need to leave Florida, which is a good thing, because honestly, there’s no way in hell we ever could that I can see. Tom pointed out that my allergies seem to be worse at this time of year, and I think he may have a point.

This thing is either going to be the miracle I've been needing or I'll be right back to square one. It won’t arrive for 5 days. Meanwhile, I definitely have to keep off my stomach at all costs because that’s where I have more breathing issues. So it’s allergies, whistling, and leaks that have been the issue so far.

If this turns out to be the miracle I need, I would just stick with Rhonda since there wouldn't be any need for a sleep dentist at that point. Then the only problem left would be the way my sleep is fragmented, sometimes worse than others. I don’t think this will help, but if it does, I fear whatever is cursing my sleep will find a workaround and do something else—maybe make my sleep more fragmented, make sure I have more nightmares, or have someone noisy move in next door.

Just like the wheels of justice turn slowly, the wheels of healthcare turn slowly, too. There are way too many fucking people here and not enough doctors, and it would take well into next year before I might get a mouth guard or nasal surgery, and that's a big might.

I did have a bunch of dreams last night, but all of them were negative. The only one I remember was some guy who was supposed to take me home from wherever we were, saying he wasn’t going to let me stop at the grocery store for food first, like I thought he was, and I was out of everything at the moment. 

Why are so many of my dreams sad or scary? Why can’t I have fun, happy dreams? Perhaps it’s because I suffer so much physically—I don’t know. I’m just tired of suffering, and I’m going to lose my will to go on if something doesn’t give soon enough.

My trilogy candle is now on the caramel layer in the middle, but I can’t smell anything. Hopefully, when it gets to the biscotti layer on the bottom, I’ll actually be able to smell it again.

Anyway, I’m so far beyond exhausted, and I have a slight headache, and I think it’s safe to say I’m not going to complete NewNo. I’m just way too tired to think straight and focus on story writing. My brain is completely fried. I feel like I could sleep for 15 hours.

Aly’s account is visible again. Weird.

We've had quite a cold spell, but we should be back up in the 70s in a few days.