I'm still undecided as to whether or not the afterlife exists. There's the scientific part of me that warns against believing in what I can't see or prove. But then what about all the stories? Can they all be delusional? Can they all be dreams? Can they all be liars out for attention? I don't know. I've heard some pretty compelling stories from both psychics and non-psychics.

But let's say there was an afterlife. If I could choose what kind of afterlife I had, first and foremost, I would never want to feel any negative emotions or physical pain, or fatigue. I'd want to feel great—awake, alert, happy, content, calm, and at peace. I'd want every single thing I ever wondered about answered, whether it was something trivial or not. I'd want to do things I didn't get to do in this life. I wouldn't mind going on a helicopter ride, but I don't see myself doing that in this life, so it would be nice to do it in the afterlife. I'd want to live in my perfect dream house and be surrounded by every person and pet I ever cared about. I'd want my husband by my side forever, and I'd want to see our Tinkerbella and other pets. I'd want to meet Aly, since we didn't get to do so before she died. I'd want to see my friends and to meet cyber friends I'll never meet in person.

I've had quite a bit to unpack lately in these journals. I'm really loving writing for myself just like old times. Oh, these entries will still be visible someday, just not for some time to come. If a certain someone is still interested, she'll have a lot of catching up to do! I still don't get that girl. I don't understand how you can "do better" with new accounts rather than just deleting whatever books or entries you have and starting fresh from there, and I also don't understand why she bothers with bios on her profile when she doesn't interact with anyone. Not that she's doing anything wrong, I'm just curious. I thought I would be a bit sad if she stopped visiting my blog or visited less and less, but instead, her visiting less often made me less reluctant to go private. She was one of my motivators when it came to writing because I felt that, as different as we may be, we shared a lot of similarities as well. It came to the point where I looked just as forward to sharing what was going on with me with her as I was to writing it all down. This was fine, but I think it's even better to think of myself and myself only because then I'm not going to be hesitant, on a subconscious level or not, to really speak from the heart. I don't want to have to stop and explain who so-and-so is. I don't want to do any of that anymore. I just want to write what's on my mind, whether anyone else out there gets it or not, and whether or not it offends them. Now I only share mostly generic things just to keep in touch with those I'm closer to.