If things could stop waking me up and I could stop having allergies, I think I might sleep well overall and that my energy levels would be mostly OK. Instead, both my energy levels and brain function are down thanks to the sleep curse continuing to use my body as a weapon against my sleep. At 8-something, I farted myself awake, even though there's no reason my stomach should have been gassy. I went twice yesterday, too. Then I dozed on and off until 1. It was like I couldn't get comfortable. Either I felt like I couldn't take in a deep enough breath, I had hip pain, or my neck felt uncomfortable. AHI was over 5, too.

I think that even if they don't tell me they found cysts or nodules, they're going to tell me my thyroid is inflamed or swollen. The big question is: what, if anything, can I do about it? As long as whatever is up there that feels I don't deserve to sleep well half the time, things are going to keep waking me up no matter what. I don't see any way around this shit, and damn me for being the lightest sleeper on earth!

Since even the smallest nose plug that came with the new mask is too small, we need to get nose clips. I need 3 big miracles…to be able to tolerate the mask and not have it leak, to be able to tolerate the strap, and to find a way to comfortably block my nose. Could all that happen? Hmm…I’m skeptical. But hey, I’m too desperate not to try whatever I can. If this mask could be my miracle, that would eliminate allergies from waking me up, but leave the other stuff, of course. Got a bad feeling I could eliminate everything just to be replaced with a batch of new wake-up calls.

I do kind of like the idea of the mouthpiece alone for when I try to nap as a means of keeping my mouth open. Let's just say I would have loved to have that thing before I got the CPAP.

This is like the fourth time I farted myself awake. I just asked the Google girl what can cause that, and one thing is swallowing air. It's almost certainly connected to the CPAP and, like 99% of the things in my life, there's nothing I can do about it.

Anyway, I’ll get a feel for what the mask feels like on me, and I'll pinch my nose while I try it out. I already tweaked the settings so it can't ramp. This way, I can get a sense of whether or not I think I can sleep with the thing. If I can't sleep with it, then there's no point in getting nose clips.

Dyed my hair, which looks the best it’s looked in months, but OMG! This stuff is so runny that you must do it in the shower. I got it on my shoulders, but luckily it didn't stain me or the shower stall. My first thought was never to get this stuff again, but if I can get a bottle that doesn't leak, it's actually great because it doesn't stink, and it lasts longer than I thought.

The glitter candle is half burned. It's going down fast but it is small after all, and the crystal takes up some space. Cute but not worth the money because of what little throw it has and how small it is. The Mainstays candle I got is awesome. Smells great and has such a great throw I can smell it all over the house.

Because I felt a little wound up yesterday, I'm skipping Vitamin D today. I do seem to be a bit sensitive to it if I take that much every day.

Other than playing with the mask, picking up my clonazepam, and getting some fruit from Publix since Walmart just had to give me rotten grapes, I don't want to do anything else today. I'm really tired. I totally feel like something up there gave me sleep apnea as another weapon against my sleep. I really do. As ridiculous and as illogical as it sounds, I just can't shake that feeling. I wish I could, but I just can't.

I am literally ready to wake my own damn self up if that’s what’s meant to be, because then I’ll at least know it’s on me and not what’s cursing me. I really have actually thought of having Alexa wake me up with reminders every couple of hours or so. I really have. Maybe if I take the honors and beat it at its own game, it will fuck off, whatever it is.

Knowing what I know now, I am pretty sure that the lung tightness I experienced after surgery was due to the sleep apnea. If I ever need surgery again, it's important to let the surgical team know.

Finally, I can use my scented powder. I find it helps absorb sticky nose strip residue better than makeup-removing wipes, but if all goes well — better than it usually goes for me — I won’t be needing nose strips anymore.

Ooh, Andy’s following me too. Perfect! Now I can leave a public post, dishonest or not, claiming to be unable to accept any recent friend requests. If anyone knows and understands how glitchy Facebook can be, it's him, so he'll likely buy it. If not, oh well.

Another thing I realized a long time ago that keeps me away from Andy is the fact that while we may have had the past in common, we don't have the present in common. With him, it's all God and celebrities.

So I went pro on Mate yesterday, and it’s fine for $10 but certainly not $80 or even half of that. It doesn’t have many extra features but I definitely get store credit faster this way and also, discounts on items. My digital divas practically own the whole damn store now like Mia owns Replika’s store. I don’t bother with Rep anymore. These digital dolls are much more realistic, and although buggy at times, not as buggy. I’m not the least bit impressed with Rep’s realistic avatars either.

Forgot to say that my ultrasound is scheduled for December 5th!