I was reading an article about the obese (50 or more lbs. overweight), the common causes of obesity, how they are often discriminated against, and it’s all just so, so sad. Most still seem to believe the most common cause of obesity is growing up with abuse, and while that’s sad enough, the lasting effects of obesity, regardless of cause, are even sadder. The obese (especially women) are often shunned by their coworkers and sometimes even their own families. They are less likely to succeed in business and careers because they are seen as “gross” and “filthy.” They are more likely to spend the better part of their lives alone and lacking friends and lovers. They are more likely to have low self-esteem and to turn to drugs, alcohol and even suicide.

It disgusts me the way people are often treated on account of their appearance! A person’s weight should be their business and their business only and they should be judged by their personality. The fact that so many people still shit on those who are heavy, gay, or maybe because they choose to put a tattoo on their nose, makes me sick. I also don’t get it. Not just for obvious reasons, but why all the discrimination against the obese in a country where obesity is running rampant??? It’s not like seeing an obese person is a rare siting in America.

Yet the obese continue to be one of the most doomed groups in life and I just can’t help but feel bad for them. God help me if I myself am ever obese and I probably will be someday. Why? Because I’m not getting any younger, my metabolism isn’t getting any faster, and sooner or later I’m going to get sick of all this dieting, running and lifting. Yet when I look back on my life, most of which was spent thin and fit, I can’t deny that there are numerous opportunities I might never have had if I’d been heavy. Yes, I admit it. I have used my looks to gain some things in life. And while being a “hottie” may not guarantee you riches, success and everlasting love, there sure continues to be a noticeable difference in how the heavy is treated by society in general as opposed to the “beautiful” people. And this is regardless of the fact that most of those so-called beauties happen to be mean, rude, stuck-up and totally superficial. Many of the sweetest, kindest people I’ve met have been overweight. What happened just a couple of months ago was a stark reminder of this fact when my ex-cyber GF played with my feelings till she’d had enough of the game and then dumped me during one of my worst times in life. This doesn’t mean we should avoid the pretties anymore than we should go running to restaurant A simply because restaurant A is owned by someone thin while restaurant B is owned by someone who’s heavy, but there does seem to be a pattern there even though I don’t get the connection. Why be an ass just because you’re good-looking? That’s like saying I should go piss on someone’s doorstep because I like blueberries.

I was talking about freedom of expression and all that on another site with this lady and boy could I relate to her frustrations of having to be choked back from free expression! I believe in free speech even if it’s a subject most don’t want to hear about. What’s the point in creating a language with which to communicate if it must be so restricted, restrained and censored? Yet America is very word-sensitive and our so-called “rights” to “free speech” are often violated. No one is ever forced to read anything they don’t want to read, so what’s the big deal? I don’t want to hear that Jane Doe may hate gays, but this shouldn’t mean that she shouldn’t have the right to express her own hatred and opinions so long as she’s not trying to cram it down others’ throats. I don’t want to hear about Joe Shmoe’s love of basketball because basketball bores me to tears. But why shouldn’t he have the right to write about it? I don’t have to read it, after all. :)

Later…

I totally do not want to work out today, but that’s exactly what I’m going to do in about 20 minutes. I’m going to get it over with in one shot, though, as breaking it up tends to cause you to laze out of the last few segments. Just not sure if I’ll be on the treadmill for 20 or 30 minutes. Perhaps I’ll run the first 10 minutes, read the next 10, then iPod off the last 10. No easy task! Yeah, it’s much harder than it sounds, especially the running part. Even just a 4 MPH run for just 10 minutes is a serious workout! But seeing that I only came up 1 pound this weekend instead of 3, I’d say it’s worth it. Hopefully, I’ll zigzag my way down the scale even if I can’t get it as low as I’d like. My mind may call for 110, but my body, thanks to its muscle mass, shouts, “Fuck you, bitch! 120 is as low as I’m going.” My goal is to be 137-138 by Friday.

“She’s baaack,” Alison warned me on Facebook. Yeah, we knew the troll would be back sooner or later, though she only made one quick post from the library informing readers that Mommy has taken her phone and laptop away. So she hasn’t been funny farmed after all. Too bad.

Amber was back too, on kiwibox.com, so I saw. Wonder how often she’ll come around. At least she doesn’t bug me. Her blog is private but I can just imagine what she must be saying about that “elderly” nut. grins mischievously

I have always preferred pools to oceans. Pools have no jellyfish, crabs or sharks and are much cleaner. But lately, I’ve been missing the ocean and wondering if I’ll ever see it again. Funny, I grew up going to the beach every summer and now I wonder if I’ll ever step on one again. Despite the jellyfish and all the other creatures I may not care to swim with, I miss feeling the undertow of the waves beneath my feet as I stand on the shore. I miss floating lazily upon the surface and then letting the waves carry me to shore. I miss diving into the waves. Vegging out on the beach all day has never really been my thing, though. I don’t mind going for walks on the beach, but just sitting there is boring. Besides, I don’t tan well. I either burn or end up with sun poisoning.

Florida’s calling to me like the desert once did and like this joke of a state once did. But right now I just have to hope that right as we start to get one foot out the door of this little old trailer that door doesn’t end up being slammed shut on us by circumstances beyond our control before we can get the other foot out of it. Shit likes to happen to us, you know? So we gotta really hope for the best.

I also hope that if we do make it to Florida it’s where we settle down and that all other parts of the country STOP CALLING TO ME! I don’t see why it would, though. I’ve already lived in the Northeast, northwest and Southwest and have no desire to return there, and I would never want to hit the Midwest, so I should be safe. Unless something worse starts calling and that’d be other countries. sighs

Time to slam on the protein, kick ass on the treadmill, then hit the shower. Back in about an hour to finish this entry.

Okay, I’m back. I ran for about 10 minutes and read for another 10, not wanting to work out too long to up my hunger levels. 20 minutes seems to be sufficient enough anyway. Tomorrow’s lifting and crunching day. The time on the treadmill seems to go by the fastest when I read. Only I can’t read when I’m running.

I could afford to take 10” off my waist still. My waist is what my hips should be. :( My hips… you don’t even want to know. I know a lot of women out there would love to have my chest and hip size, but I’m not especially fond of it. Isn’t that how it usually works? If we don’t have it, we want it. If we do have it, we want to get rid of it. I’m a biiiig gurly, fit or not. But the fact that you can see my muscles through so much goddamn fat is a good indication of just how much I’ve built up and how much meaner I could look if I’d just keep my mouth shut to food a little more often.

I had to up my protein amounts again because the random cravings were starting to creep up on me again where I’d crave KFC one minute, Carl’s Jr. the next, then I’d be assaulted by a mental rainstorm of Jelly Belly’s. Wonder why I haven’t craved those Lindt truffles? That’s okay. Jelly Belly’s are bad enough along with shrimp chips and Starbucks coffee ice cream which rocks the world of coffee ice creams. :)

Sometimes I forget how helpful and important it is to start the first hour of my day off with that 30g of protein. I had a shake and some cottage cheese. Another 45 minutes and I’ll toss down some fish and corn. I’m drinking only water and no soda today. I miss soda at times but I hate the way it makes me burp my ass off.

Mary’s release date is now pulled up to October 28th and mean or not I’m kind of glad I stopped hearing from her. She simply asked too many favors of me. Helping a friend is one thing; being taken advantage of is another. I don’t think she saw it that way, though. Meaning, I don’t think she felt, thought or wanted to be taking advantage of me or anything like that. I think she just had a lot of time on her hands, and well, one is kind of helpless in jail, after all.

It’s already started raining and is supposed to go into tomorrow. I’ll enjoy that one precious day off from Jesse’s shit, though I shouldn’t be up past noon and will probably have to hear the truck enough times.

Anyway, besides hoping to write another chapter in my book tonight and maybe catch a movie, I’m as single in cyberspace as I am married in the real world. This is the longest I’ve gone without a GF in the virtual world, something I both like and dislike. I miss having a GF, but I also like it because I don’t miss them either being crazy and clingy or “too good” to bother with me much of the time.