Mentally I am utterly terrified right now. Physically I am sick. It’s all I can do to get myself to sit up in this chair and write this. I keep trying to remind myself it’s probably not real and I’m just being paranoid.

It’s the evil witch down in Arizona that victimized me through the law a decade ago. I checked my Gmail account late last night and found a message from Google saying the Police Department subpoenaed for account info. The town the PD is in is where she lives! I have never written or sent one single threat or racial slur and I am so terrified that I could be in the process of being set up right now. I’m no legal expert, but why would they subpoena for info unless they thought they had some kind of case against me?!?! And what case? What could I have possibly said or done that’s illegal? I have said things not everyone would agree with, but illegal? No way! Not unless somehow, someway, my blog or email accounts were hacked and manipulated and I already know they have been hacked in the past.

I am so, so petrified of being extradited or sued even though I didn’t use last names and never talked about anything that wasn’t already a matter of public record that anyone could look up! The thought of this sick, hateful, vindictive bitch destroying our lives all over again for God knows how many years makes me utterly sick to my stomach! I have prayed and prayed for God to protect me from her but it’s hard to put much faith in Him. Remember, He already let her have a go at me once. So how can I count on Him to protect me this time? When I said I feared something up there would yank the carpet out from under our feet for the millionth time I never thought that would be because of her, but it was once because of her, so I guess if something can happen once it can happen twice. Maybe I’m being paranoid but I don’t think so. I just don’t think so. If they’re looking at records they’ve got to have something up their sleeve. And why do I think the message waiting on the phone Tom leaves home with me is the police department asking me to call them back? I can’t figure out how to retrieve the damn message, though. sighs It’s going to be one looong day until Tom gets home. I would never call them, though. It’s not only a bad idea to talk to the police, but you also can’t trust a damn thing they say.

I woke Tom up when I got the message because I was freaked out by it. He tells me I’ll be alright and that he thinks it’s got to do with my email and not my blog. I disagree. Blogger and Gmail are both powered by Google and like I said, she lives in that town. She also works for the city and that has me worried in itself. That’s part of how she was able to make a mountain out of a molehill in 2000. That and being friends with “Mr. Biased Crimes” in a state that favors minorities.

After barely 5 hours of sleep, I woke up with the runs. It was time to put those diarrhea pills to use after all. I am not only exhausted, but I’m both hungry and nauseous at the same time. I tried to get a little oatmeal into me, but that’s all I can handle so far in the 4 hours I’ve been up.

When I checked my stats I found that I had a visitor from Scottsdale, AZ. A friend? I ran the IP and it came up as broadband and not corporate. They were there for less than a minute.

If it’s about something I said in my blog that they don’t like, why haven’t they had Blogger just shut my blog down?

Like I said, I’m utterly terrified because I know that if the cops really want to get to me that bad, they can and they will. If they sued me and garnished his wages we’d be as fucked as we were on September 16th. We’d also be fucked if they arrested and extradited me. Who the hell would bail me out this time around???

I just can’t imagine what it is I may’ve done that’s so bad, but we’re talking Arizona. A state that treats just about everything like murder and that favors its minorities. I don’t know that I could simply “ignore” any subpoenas I may get because there’s a fictitious “victim” involved who’s black while I’m white. I totally feel like a fish in a bowl. :( All I can hope is that they don’t fish me out of that bowl but I fear they will. Why else would they subpoena records??? I can only guess it’s to see where I live so they can either arrest me or have me served. And because I don’t know what they think they have on me, I don’t know what the charges are or how serious they could be.

Yesterday I swear I heard a car door and thought someone drove down here. It sounded close like maybe up at the fork where the electrical box is, suggesting they could’ve been checking to see where the internet wiring ran to. Or at least verify with Jesse that I live here. I know this is CA and not AZ but that was the first step last time when the pig came with the “Robin Hatch” story to verify my identity. The next day was when they made the arrest.

Although we use our mailing address online and not our physical address, I know the pigs could find it if they wanted it bad enough. All they’d have to do is contact our IP. Couldn’t they find out who that is easily enough since they’re the only ones who service this area?

I am so stressed out right now and so terrified! Being extradited or sued would totally ruin us. Totally. But I can’t believe Arizona of all states would let this go or that they’d “move on.” I doubt they’re calling to tell me to shut my blog down or never refer to the case again. No, they’re calling to tell me what they want to charge me with, and if I haven’t already been summoned, I will be soon.

Every time I hear what I think may be an approaching vehicle my entire body tenses up. Someone drove up there yesterday morning while he was out, but it appeared to be an old white pickup from what I could see through the trees.

I was tempted to either deactivate my blog or delete most of the entries, but if the cops are checking me out, they’ve already seen what’s there. And what’s there isn’t really “deleted” forever. It would also make me look like I had something to hide and it would be letting her win, too. She won more than enough 11 years ago. I can’t let her win again. I just can’t. But how can I stop her without knowing what they have in mind and just what their plans are???

It’s probably unlikely Arizona would come to CA to arrest/extradite me, but if I ignored a subpoena to try to sue me (and I would mostly because I would have to), a judgment could still be issued against me even if I weren’t there and they could go after Tom’s wages because he’s married to me. :((((

Later…

After a few hours off I had another bout of the runs. I can’t believe this bitch is controlling my mind and body all over again! I’m so scared!!! God, please don’t let her seize control of my entire life once again! Please, please don’t let her control my freedom and bank account too, please! Please, please, protect me this time!

The phone just did that quick ding, ding, ding again which I thought meant someone left a message. But when I got up to check it said there were no messages. The phone is fully charged, so could it be a text message? Hmm… I still smell bacon, I’m afraid. But phone calls are nothing compared to lawsuits and that’s my biggest fear. They won’t care that I don’t work if they win any kind of a lawsuit for something I may’ve said; they’ll just sue Tom. Either that or they’ll demand I either go to work for this bitch or pay in the form of jail time.

I can’t believe that year after year people can email dozens of scams to people claiming they won the lottery and all that and need to pay a fee to receive their winnings, or asking them to cash bad checks, while the pigs investigate me simply for something I might’ve said that someone didn’t like. So much for my disclaimer doing me any good!

I haven’t had any nightmares, but chances are if they’re going to arrest me or file suit I won’t have any till the night before. The bad dreams are the ones that usually play out right away. It’s the good dreams that can take months or even years to come to pass.

Could the Florida dreams be a sign of where we’ll be running soon enough? But it can’t be. No need to run that far if we have to run to avoid an arrest and we don’t even have the money to get to Florida. If we had to run it would have to be to another country where they couldn’t garnish his wages, not that we’d be able to afford to do that either.

I’m breathing a little easier now that it’s the afternoon since pigs A, seem to like to serve most of their warrants in the morning, and B, like to wake me up while they’re at it.

It is sad, but definitely scary how much this sick bitch obviously hasn’t changed a bit. She’s still the same vengeful hater she always was. I am wishing like never before that I too was black!

Tom thought the message may be a scam at first. The only thing I thought was a bit strange was the fact that it was sent after 8pm. And who knows how long after the fact? If the pigs really investigated me it could’ve been days before the message was sent.

Maybe we should’ve killed ourselves after all. :( I know I would before I’d lose another dime or moment of freedom to this sicko.

I keep telling myself God won’t give me more than I can handle. He hasn’t yet even though it sure felt like He has at times. But no one lives forever. Sooner or later we’re all dealt something that we can’t handle and that kills us. Will this bitch be the death of me/us??? I mean, my logical side knows it’s a scam meant to scare me and well, it’s worked.

Later…

Feeling a lot better since Tom got home. The ding ding ding was just a stupid text message alert trying to sell us more minutes. :) I didn’t want to tell him this at first, but I finally told him that I had her on auto-send, and even though I was never trying to sell anything, didn’t hit her with over 1000 or even 100 entries, could the vindictive bitch be trying to get me for spam?

At first he was worried since that’s considered a federal offense, but according to his research, I should be ok. It’s commercial spammers they’re going after these days that send bulk volumes to tons of people.

At first we were hesitant to shut down my blog because we didn’t want it to look like I was trying to hide anything since I most certainly am not. But then we decided that maybe – just maybe – if the pigs see the blog doesn’t exist anymore and that I’m in another state, maybe they’ll focus on more important things like REAL criminals. I don’t know, though. I still think they may try to pull something. Again, Arizona doesn’t let go that easily. It’s a very relentless and unforgiving state. Besides, nothing I did for that damn state a decade ago was good enough. I sought out a therapist on my own, I did this, I did that, but nothing I did was good enough. The state and the people involved just had to lie, stab me in the back, and seek legal vengeance upon me anyway for something I didn’t even do.

As for slander; that’s something we definitely shouldn’t have to worry about. I not only don’t use full names but slander and libel are more aimed at those who are trying to profit and whose words have negatively affected one’s life in a significant way. Blogs aren’t usually targeted like newspapers because far fewer people read blogs than newspapers. That’s how certain trolls can get away with trashing full names like they do. A qualified person who should know better which Aly consulted with told her that while she may be annoying as hell, she’s still within the limits of the law. I think, though, that if the troll had any real intelligence, then she’d be more likely to go crossing lines.

Still, I don’t get how I can get dozens of phishing and fraud scams a day emailed to me along with millions of other people in this world, and this can go on year after year without anyone doing a damn thing about it. Tom says they’re throwing them in jail by the thousands, but then why are these scams still so commonplace? Why in the world would the pigs want to check my Google info (and we don’t know that Google actually complied and gave them that info, though I would guess they did), when you’ve got these serious and potentially dangerous scammers out there??? Where is the proper sense of priorities in this world?!

Tom is confident they can’t bust in here and arrest me and haul my ass down to Arizona and I hope he’s right. I was worried about a lawsuit at first, but the police don’t get involved with those, so if anyone’s about to spite me through the law it’s in a criminal way and not a civil way I would think.

We deactivated my blog on Blogger and may even shut down my Google account altogether. We’re not sure yet. I only opened the Gmail account for the sweeping and I haven’t been doing that lately, so there’s no real need to keep it open anyway.

I’m much too tired to decide on anything now and I need to wait and see what, if anything, the shitsters down south may try to pull on me. Meanwhile, she’s the one that’s still obsessed and that still can’t let go. She’s the one who wants to get mad, even, and spiteful. Me, I’m going to do what she wouldn’t allow me to do for nearly 7 years and ignore her completely for as long as I live. :)))

I’ve got more to write about but am exhausted. Hopefully, I’ll sleep a solid 10-12 hours after stupidly letting this bitch interfere with my sleep and nerves all these years later. She’s just playing with me and I’m letting my legal PTSD make me paranoid. That’s all.