Got a beautiful shiny new necklace yesterday at Target. This one was $20 so it should be a little better quality than some of the cheaper ones. It’s on the skinniest chain I ever saw. It’s a silver chain and has light blue gems glued to a round cylinder. So you always see them no matter what part of it is facing you.

I also grabbed a bottle of bright fuchsia nail polish, which has got to be the fastest-drying polish I’ve ever used. In seconds it loses its shine and dries to a dull matte finish that’s not as pretty as it looks in the bottle, but still pretty nonetheless.

We also grabbed a stand fan to use for working out now that the weather’s going to start warming up. I was using that wimpy fan that goes to the drying rack and that doesn’t move much air. If it did it would blow the clothes off the rack.

So we spent about $45 and picked up our mail, which is mostly junk mail.

I crashed at 1pm and by 4pm it was a sauna in the bedroom even with the fan on and the window cracked. I had to get up and push the window open further and turn the fan up higher. Tom also ran the cooler on ‘vent.’ If we don’t make it out of here this year I will positively scream! Just totally, totally go out of my fucking mind! This is such a hard place to live in if you can’t keep a schedule. The flimsy walls and thin metal roof with no attic makes the place get super cold and super hot so damn easily. It is very hard to control the temperature in here. I miss being in a real house sooo much! But I’m afraid that our lovely God above who seems to think this is all we deserve is either going to trap us here or see to it that we can’t get into an adult community for some reason. IDK, maybe they won’t like that I’m 46 or maybe they won’t like that Tom’s a temp. I’m hoping that won’t come up or that they’ll be understanding if it does. Everyone’s a temp these days.

Tom says he’s eligible for a year and a half of unemployment and not just 6 months, but the longer he’s on unemployment, should they lay him off soon, the longer it will take to move. Especially if the next job is only minimum wage. Besides, they’re not going to want to rent to someone who just started a new job.

I just hope we can make it to an adult community and that it will be more peaceful than this place. It’s usually quiet at night here, but I am so, so sick of listening to those fucking dogs every single fucking time that cock zooms out of here. The barking dogs, the roaring motorcycles, the buzzing saws… I am just so, so sick of it. And the lack of space.

But I do have my concerns about an adult community too…lots of company coming and going at the neighboring houses, sales and religious people knocking on the door, etc. I don’t expect to never hear a sound, but it’s still hard to imagine an adult community being full of barking and loud vehicles. Hopefully, we’ll get to find out so we can move on to the next decision and that would be how much to furnish the place. If by some chance we’re just going to leave the area in a year or two, it may not be worth investing in too much stuff.

My weight is continuing to soar, so next Monday I plan to jump back on the diet wagon. Don’t know if I’ll get very far, but maybe I can at least stop from gaining anymore for a while. I seem to be better at preventing added weight than I do at taking it off anyway.

Andy said his mom thinks my mom’s worth about a million dollars and while I wish to hell she was right, there’s no way. There’s just no way. I don’t think they ever had that much money at their best of times. First of all, the condo, stores and cars probably aren’t worth more than about 200K. Secondly, I don’t remember the name of the site, but a couple of years ago we were browsing through online documents that suggested my parents owed more on things than I first thought. It was a site that lists things like mortgage deeds, loans, repossessed items and things like that.

They lived so extravagantly that they probably squandered the vast majority of what they inherited. Then there’s the cost of hospitals and medications that escalated as they aged. Medicare only covers so much. They had to spend the money on extras. I’m not saying they’re not more comfortable than Tom and I will ever be. Just the fact that they do have a nice condo, a store and a couple of nice cars alone says that. But I still don’t think we’ll get much in the end. It depends on how right I am in fearing we’re meant to be poor most of our lives. As of yet, I have no reason to think we’re not going to be. We have spent so, so much of our lives struggling! Even when he was making big bucks in Arizona, that damn house we never should’ve gotten sucked up so much money. Then I was stupidly blowing tons of money on my doll collection, another thing that was fun at the time but that I later came to regret, up in Oregon. So we were poor when we were and poor when we weren’t. Now that we’ve smartened up and got our act together, I fear whatever’s up there will “get us” financially in other ways. Ways that are out of our control like throwing my husband on unemployment for 2.5 years. I also fear that the more money they may leave us, the more God will have Tammy spite us out of it.

I still think it will be around 10K, 20K if we’re lucky. If we’re “fated” to be poor no matter what we do, it can’t be much. However, I also can’t deny that the hints they’ve dropped do suggest more than it being something that would just help us out temporarily. As long as we can pay for the necessities and never have to go through the fear again of possibly having to kill ourselves to escape starving on the streets, that’s good enough for me. And the right to live in peace without having to hear other people’s animals. Anything else after that is considered a bonus.

Tom said he didn’t want to get my hopes up, but the “paperwork” Mom said she’s waiting on before sending Dad’s ashes and the pictures she mentioned sending, could have to do with life insurance.

Nah, I don’t think so. She would have mentioned it. I think the paperwork is just the usual standard process one has to go through with social security and all that once they’re deceased.

Anyway, I’m going to eat, work out, shower, and just enjoy the next 6 hours of peace before I have to listen to Jesse’s shit. He must be loving the hell out of this drought. We’re like a million inches behind in rainfall this year!

Molly made one single post from the library yesterday on Blogger saying she misses being online but her mother took away her Internet again for badmouthing Alison. You would think by now she would get it – that trashing people means losing her online privileges. But apparently, the little baby just doesn’t get it. It’s one thing to make mistakes in life, but another to keep making the same damn ones over and over and over. Nonetheless, I just had to share the link to the post on Facebook and be sure to set it public for whenever Mommy Dearest thinks her daughter’s magically “changed” and can go online without stalking and trashing people.

She never mentioned the phone number message, something I did end up doing. Oh well. She probably never checks her email accounts and only creates them to create her 10 million accounts on all the sites she uses.