Weird. Just weird. Not only did I wake up to find not one single email message waiting for me, but there was also no reply from my sister. Something must be going on with her, but I don’t know what. I don’t even know what state she’s in right now, though I had assumed she headed back up north.

Then again she could still be down in Florida dealing with the family drama I’m sooo glad I don’t have to be a part of. 

I feel a lot of things right now – anger, sadness, peace. I’m at peace because my father didn’t suffer in the end and money isn’t something we need to worry about right now. I’m sad because I miss my father and know I will never see him again. I’m angry for the same old, never-ending family bullshit and because Jesse wouldn’t let me mourn the death of my father in peace. I intend to do something about that too, when he no longer has a hold on us. Don’t worry. It will be perfectly legal whatever it is which, at best, would probably mean just giving him a piece of my mind which will make me feel a little better. Getting things off my chest in my journal is one thing. Confronting the source is another. Sometimes we need to do just that too, but there is a time and a place for these things.

By 7:30 AM yesterday morning the dogs were already going off, and I’m sure they’re going to go crazy all night long tonight or tomorrow night or both, so I put the sound machines on in advance. I don’t want to even know what’s going on up there. I’m still rather fragile at this point and if pushed and provoked a wee bit too much I just may end up in jail for the same reasons I would have if I’d been in Florida with the “family.”

Sometimes I think it really sucks that I’ll never see my friends, both cyber and not, but I know and accept that there’s a 99% chance I won’t. Well, maybe it’s down to about 95% with Alison because we’re both talking about moving to Florida. It just may be years before it happens, if it does.

They bumped Tom’s hours up a bit, so now he’s leaving at 7:30 and getting in around 5:00 assuming there’s no OT.

The tracking site I was using took away their free trial option, so I plugged my code into my “secret” Thoughts blog and am going to use the remainder of my free year there. I’ve got till June 18th.

I’m really surprised the troll hasn’t stumbled upon that blog yet and figured it was me. I will admit that a part of me misses her regular visits and I kind of get a kick out of the idea of her reading any references I may make pertaining to her, then running and bitching about it in her own blog. But as delusional and as misguided as she is, she probably assumes I’m talking about her even when I’m not. I could say, “Man, that furry little thing is getting fat!” Then she’ll automatically think I mean her when I mean my pet rat.

Even though I’ll probably regret it, I put out the bait yesterday by commenting from this other blog on one of Aly’s posts as if I didn’t know Aly after letting Aly know what I was up to, sure that this would lure her to my blog. Well, unless she read it from the library (though I think mommy’s been letting her go online), she hasn’t been to my blog, nor has she mentioned it from her own blog.

Finally, I left a reply to one of her status updates agreeing that “a smile goes a long way” as she quoted from Aly’s BF.

The stupid idiot left one of her 10,000 email addies on Blogger so I sent an anonymous postcard saying things like she would say – I was lonely, needed a friend and wanted to chat. Meanwhile, I left her own cell number, LOL.

Later…

I haven’t been mentioning the “case” much lately since being preoccupied with losing Dad and other more important things.

Still no warrant out on me that I could see so I guess that means that whatever “evidence” they think they’ve got on me isn’t federal. I just wonder what it is, and again, was the cop even real? I may’ve been dumb enough to bother contacting her but I wasn’t dumb enough to make threats or use racial slurs. But I’d be willing to bet they made some alterations to make it look like I sure did. There’s just nothing they could build a case on that I actually gave them unless our laws are even more twisted than I realized. It doesn’t matter, though. She screwed me once; she won’t screw me twice. I refuse to let her or to be punished for words. Words. Just harmless words. As far as I’m concerned I did nothing wrong and that’s plenty good enough for me. I simply expressed myself as every human being should have the right to do whether we want to hear it or not.

But the thing is that from my experience it seems that the law likes to do things in 3-month intervals, so I’m a bit nervous about what April may bring, despite the fact that being in California should be protection enough and especially since I’m off the grid. It was 3 months after my little interrogation with the black pig that they decided to issue a warrant. It was 3 months from when they arrested me till sentencing day. It was 3 months after they were snooping into my Google records that they let me know they made a case. It will be 3 months in April since they let me know this wonderful news.

But if they have a Plan B to fall back on, what could it possibly be?

Tom just said it couldn’t be federal since no one from any federal division like the FBI came to talk to me. I guess he’s got a point.

I guess I really, REALLY have let the PTSD let paranoia take over my mind completely.