This is the third morning in a row I woke up around the same time. Wish I could do that every day, though 8pm - 4am wouldn’t be my first choice. I’d prefer 11pm - 7am.

Hundreds of crunches, arm workouts, then a half-hour on the treadmill and I’m barely out of breath. Yeah, this is the sucky side of getting into better and better shape and that’s having to push yourself harder. I’m going to have to go longer and faster on the treadmill.

Wow, this is the first time this year I’ve seen 4 days of rain on the 5-cast. But is it imaginary rain like usual, or will it really do more than just cloud up? I still gotta see it rain to believe it.

I talked to Mom yesterday. She sounds ok. The kiddie lover is still there. It must be doing damn good for money if it can take that much time off from work. Yes, God has blessed everyone in my family but me, hasn’t He? Only I don’t think my parents were nearly as rich as some seem to think. I think they’re comfortable but not rich. I just hope our own state of comfort continues. I so do NOT want to go back to the poorhouse. I dread the day it’s back to stressing over how we’re gonna come up with the rent and all that shit. But if it’s happened a million times before, it only makes sense that it’s going to happen again sooner or later, right?

It’s still hard not to refer to them as “my parents” even though one’s gone. When I spoke with my mom it felt sort of weird that I couldn’t ask if Dad was there or at the store and if could she put him on if he was there.

Anyway, Dad’s ashes have been sent so we’ll look for them later on today when the mail place opens. At first the thought of having “a part of him” here seemed weird, but then again I guess it really isn’t much different than having a strand of someone’s hair.

We went to Walmart right before it started getting overly crowded and Tom was a crab. He felt rushed, I guess. He didn’t get enough time to wake up this morning and he felt rushed in the store cuz I was trying to beat the crowds. Most of the time he’s calm, cool and collected, but sometimes I wish he would loosen up more and laugh a little and quit being so damn serious! I love the hell outa the guy and I can’t imagine life without him, but he’s not always as fun as I wish he was. There’s no romance or enough joking and laughing, but I guess that’s to be expected after being with the same person for a million years. No matter how well you get along you’re gonna lose those fireworks in time. But I would rather have a relationship with him than just get it on with a million hotties. Hey, love can stay, but lust never can. Relationships can last, but orgasms are just a few seconds. If Tom and Jim suddenly ceased to exist and Nane and I were suddenly together (in whatever country), we’d get sick of each other too, at least physically.

How did I come to have such a thing for foreigners anyway? Ok, so I always liked them tall and dark, but I think part of what attracts me to Nane (she certainly isn’t that dark, LOL) is that she’s German. Well, it’s not just a German thing. It could be Italian, Spanish, etc. I guess it has to do with my love of languages. Where most people like duplicates of themselves, I was always attracted to opposites. If they’re from England or Australia where they also speak English, it’s not the same. Tom and I may not be opposites in native languages, but we’re opposites in personality.

It’s so nice having Nane back again. Like Mary used to say, it’s ok to get mad as long as you can forgive in the end. Nane never did anything most of us consider unforgivable anyway, and I wasn’t perfect either with my big mouth that gets out of control at times, LOL. So it’s nice to know she’s back even if it means I spend a little more time than I should looking to see if she’s around.

I just wish Andy would get a BF. Not just cuz it’s what he wants, but so that he wouldn’t have so much time to want to chat online, something I’m not quite as into as much as he is. But I totally believe that’s not meant to be for him any more than I was meant to have sex with someone I was totally hot for.