Yay, she’s back! Nane’s back! How wonderful it is to have her back in my life again, even if she may be my “Quinn.” Back in the 90s when Andy and I both lived in Arizona, he fell for a “bad boy” named Quinn. Quinn was all wrong for him and he knew it. But even so, Quinn was one of the very few guys he truly ever loved. Then one day the troubled guy took his life. Andy was heartbroken. He took in Quinn’s cat and she lived with him till her dying day. She was like their “child.”

Well, Nane may not kill herself (I hope not!), but she’d probably be all wrong for me even if we were both single and living right next door to each other. What have we really got in common but our love of languages? Nothing really. She had a trauma-free childhood, but I didn’t. We grew up in different countries speaking different languages. She lives in an apartment in the city in a cold climate. I live in a trailer in the woods in what’s at least a relatively warm climate. She smokes, but I don’t. She lives to travel while I find it a bitch. She doesn’t like rats, but they’re my favorite pets to have. She deals with numbers while I deal with words. Hell, we don’t even look alike, LOL. She’s tall, blue-eyed and with light brown hair. I’m a short, green-eyed brunette.

But none of it matters. At least not to me. There is still something that fascinates and draws me to this traveling, smoking, rodent-hating hottie, LOL. I missed her so much! I was totally bummed out during her absence and even when things were good and I was happy, thoughts of her still played on the back of my mind and occasionally she’d sneak into my dreams. I missed her messages as scarce as they may’ve been since she’s a very busy, hard-working lady. I missed making her laugh and telling her what scent I was wearing or burning. I missed the little “hugs,” hearts and kisses she’d put on my wall. It was so weird logging onto Facebook knowing she wasn’t there. And no fun at all. :( Even when she was busy and wasn’t there, she was still there. But then that all changed and I felt a bit of a void in my life. Life is like one big puzzle. While Tom’s the biggest piece of all, many people, hobbies and objects make up for all those other pieces and Nane’s had gotten lost under the table for a while. It felt so good to eventually pick that piece up off the floor and put it back where it belongs. :) Sometimes it’s those little things in life we miss, though I knew I had to continue to let her go if that’s what she wanted. After all, we can’t make people like us.

Like many of us, I sometimes say mean things I shouldn’t say in the heat of my anger or hurt, and I’ll admit I did just that. Sometimes I was pissed, sometimes I was hurt, and sometimes I had a “fuck it” attitude. I wanted so badly to be a cold, unforgiving bitch who just didn’t care and who never gave her another thought in my life. Hey, people do come and go in our lives after all. But I did care and she was one of the ones who simply wouldn’t leave my mind and my heart no matter how much I tried to make her go away. Besides, I’m not perfect either. I say and do stupid shit all the time. I have deleted some of the Facebook notes where I was really going off on some of my fits about what happened even though they were heavily restricted and most of my friends couldn’t see them.

When social networks first hit the scene I would totally laugh my ass off when I’d hear stories about people coming to care for others they “met” online. How could that be? I’d wonder to myself. They’re not “real.” They’re just these mere electronic beings. But as I have learned, they ARE very real. The people behind the profile pictures have feelings and lives and are real people. Sure I’d love to actually meet some of them in person but to me, it’s like I actually have. The only difference is that text replaces their voices and photos replace what I would see in person. But they’re still every bit as human and you can come to care for them very much. When someone told me they wondered if I was in love with her, I laughed. But maybe a small part of me came to love her in some ways. I know it wasn’t just lust. It started with that until I got to know a little about the woman behind the pretty face.

As silly as it may sound since we’ll probably never meet anyway and since I’d never leave my husband (but I may consider a side dish to the main course), I felt a tinge of jealousy when she met her BF. But I am happier for her than anything else for if you truly care for someone you want them to be happy. She deserves love just like anyone else.

As we both agree, it feels good to make up. She’ll always have a place in my heart and I’ll be her friend as long as she wants me to be.

I rejoined MySpace just to see what it’s like these days. It sucks and I don’t plan to use it much. While I was there I looked up Nane and messaged her suggesting we move on and accept that what happened was in the past and that no one’s perfect. One of the very few neat features on MS is that it tells you when your messages are read. Well, I was surprised to see she read the message not long after I sent it, even though it was late at night in Germany and she’s a real night owl who I knew would’ve been online at the time.

This was after I tagged Irene in some notes, knowing they’d end up on her wall, LOL. I knew I was taking a risk of losing her and that she may dump me, but she didn’t. She didn’t even delete them. Instead she “liked” my comment claiming it was an accident. I know it may’ve been dishonest, but I did it because I found the idea of her and Nane reading them amusing just in case I was wrong in suspecting they’d already read them. Well, Nane definitely read them at some point cuz when she surprised me with her first message on Facebook where she said she was sorry about my dad, she signed off with “selfish bitch.” LOL, that pretty much tells me she has been reading my notes.

I grinned like a lovesick teenager when I saw her first message and we ended up exchanging a few messages after that. Both her parents are “only” 72, she said, and she doesn’t want to think of them not being anymore. Her evil ex-MIL died, she also said, and then she surprised me even more by adding me back as a friend. I really thought she’d never ever even talk to me again. Guess I had her wrong there!

What was funny was that Alison noticed she was back and said she hoped she wasn’t sounding rude in saying so, but she hopes she’s nicer to me this time around.

Me too, though Nane did warn me up front that she still doesn’t have a lot of time. She sees Jim on weekends and has a stressful job during the week. Yes, Miss Former Wall Street does have her work cut out for her, LOL, between work, Jim and vacations.

Tom and Jim may be our number one, but it’s nice to think of each other as our number two. If anything a side dish only spices up and adds variety to the main course. :) What can it hurt anyway?

I wonder what Irene and Christiane will think when they see we’re connected again, LOL. Not sure Christiane would care, but Irene’s probably both glad and going, “Uh-oh,” LOL.

I was even surprised to hear from Marie yesterday:) She wanted to give her condolences. So she’s been following my account along with my German goddess, huh? LOL, well I did deliberately set my stuff to friends of friends just for their sake. Just wasn’t sure they’d be interested. I don’t share all my notes with everyone, though, and often cut the sister from them.

I think that’s it as far as my wonderful cyber GF on the other side of the world goes. I’m only going to reveal so much anyway out of respect for her. Trivial things are one thing, but personal things are up to her to share or not to share.

Later…

They say there’s a first time for everything. Well, today’s the first time I’ve been dumped and am actually amused by it. I don’t know why, but something about it just seems so funny to me, probably because I have always sensed this person was/is jealous of my relationship with Nane. It was Irene who dumped me. I told her in a message that we were “together” again. She replied in half English, half German saying she knew but is ending our friendship because we were too different. LOL, that we are! But I have absolutely no hard feelings toward her at all. :) She was/is a very sweet lady and I wish her the best in life just as she has wished for me.

I was talking with another friend who also agrees it’s easy to say you’ll never forgive someone when you’re pissed until you’ve had time to calm down. Believe me, I wanted to hate Nane and I wanted to make myself wish bad things upon her. But no matter how pissed I was, I simply couldn’t do it. I don’t usually “fight for” or “work” to win people over. It’s just not my usual style. But I’m glad I did just that for a few people. They were worth it in the end, even though I’ve been warned against Nane. Some think she’ll probably toy with and then dump me all over again. Yeah, she probably will. But I’ll just enjoy the ride until then. :)

Could Irene’s dumping me stem from the “accidental” tagging? Jealousy? Could be, but only she can ever really know if there’s more to it than just being “different.”

The troll is getting as mysterious as she is predictable. She finally found my “secret” account, but hasn’t tried to contact me. She only spent 14 minutes in it and only read a few entries, according to TIP. I would think she’d have spent 10 hours in it catching up on every single entry. That’s what she would sometimes do even when she was all caught up in the past.

She also changed her profile picture to a shot of her computer but has continued not to make any posts. Makes me wonder if it’s really her, but who else could it be? I just find it odd that she’s been in that account every day but hasn’t posted anything. Totally not like her!

One of her last posts contains a “letter” to Josh. You know the guy that hit her and who doesn’t have Internet access? In it, she asks why he doesn’t answer her calls. Now why in the world would you want to call a guy who just hit you???

Except for having an easier time making it look pretty, I’m not sure this word processor is really all that great. It’s better than OpenOffice and some other jokes out there, but it’s still kind of buggy and quirky.

Tom pointed out something. Something I definitely have to be careful not to share online, and that’s that there’s no point in my feeling guilty about breaking the so-called promise Tammy made to Dad. Dad didn’t ask her to keep in touch with me. She told him she would. So he’s got a point there.