Slept great and woke up without a hint of a backache. The cold woke me up a few times, though, so I’ll have to slip the “ice guard” back underneath the sheet and mattress pad. I don’t know why, but airbeds are cold to the touch for some reason. It’s great for summertime, but not now. It’s in the 50s and raining steadily.

Anyway, I love my new bed immensely and will never again sleep on foam if I can help it. Regular foam is bad, but memory foam is worse. I don’t understand the craze over memory foam. Having a memory foam pillow such as I do is fine, but sleeping on a memory foam topper/mattress night after night will really wreak havoc on one’s back and cause them to overheat as well since you sink down so far into it and the stuff works with body heat. It was almost as hard to get up out of as a waterbed can be.

I lost a pound since being back on my diet. I’d kind of worry if I hadn’t after having just 1200 calories, running a few miles, plus all the other stuff I do. My pulled muscles are recovered enough to work my arms and abs today in addition to running. Yesterday I burned 200 calories on the treadmill. Today I might fry 300 cuz today’s meal has an additional 100 calories in it.

I’m also going to dust and vacuum the living room and try to tackle more of my book. The one I’m writing, I mean. The one I’m reading will be for when I’m working out or before bed.

Last night was the first dream that may’ve included my dad since he died. Can’t swear to it but it seems like he was paying for him, Mom, and I to see a movie Kate Jackson was in.

Why was there a yellow jacket in the bathroom window just now when I got up to pee? I hope there are no new hives close by.

Later…

Another day of rain and quiet. Not sure what’s better – warmth and noise or rain and peace. The cold wet days are supposed to go on throughout the rest of the week and maybe even into the weekend.

I may have to take tomorrow off from working out. My legs and hips are all messed up right now, LOL, from running too fast for too long. I’m not quite fit enough yet to sustain a 5-MPH run for long periods of time. Actually, getting some weight off would help more than getting fitter. I’m still pretty fit. A 5-MPH run is sort of like stepping to the beat of windshield wipers turned up high. I had to stop at 175 calories burned because by then the only thing burning was my legs. My left leg is ok but my right quad muscle is pulled (man that thing’s bulging!). I also felt a bit dizzy. So today’s total running time was only around 20 minutes, though I did walk a little of it and sometimes I ran at just 4 MPH which is more like a jog than a run. It will be nice when I can go even longer at 5 MPH cuz then I burn 20 calories a minute. At 3 MPH you barely burn 5 a minute. But getting into better and better shape is a slow process.

It’s nice to be able to walk by the mirror and like some of what I see. There’s still plenty to complain about, but as fat as I still am you can definitely tell that I work out. It’s really the only way to get the weight off at this age unless you can stand to be hungry, though I’m hungry enough at 1200 calories.

I would probably still want to work out even if I was 100 pounds, something I could never reach at this age due to my muscle mass and curvaceous shape. Those with boyish shapes are more likely to get down that low, but not Miss Peaks & Valleys. But thin or fat I like being fit and the energy working out gives me. I also take pride and comfort in knowing that if some jerk messes with me, chances are I’d hurt him badly.

Later…

Dad’s ashes arrived today in a very beautiful urn. It can’t be opened and you can’t see the ashes. You can feel them moving around inside, though. The urn is small at 3” tall and 2½” wide, but lovely. It has colorful leaves and butterflies on it with gold outlining against a black background. It came in a green cloth-covered box with an obscure design on it. He sits on the bedroom dresser for now. I thought it would seem weird having dad around in this sort of way, but it doesn’t. What is strange in an ironic sort of way is that for 18 years he pretty much decided where I could go. Now I decide where he goes for what I hope will be longer than 18 years.

They told Tom today at work that they’re shutting down his department in a few weeks. This would’ve alarmed him if it weren’t for a few things. One, I haven’t had the kind of nightmares that suggest trouble ahead. Two, it’s not being shut down due to the company losing business, but because they want to move and combine certain departments. Three, they’re going to be posting tons of permanent job openings soon, one of which he hopes to snag within a few weeks.

What was really encouraging is that one of the supervisors told him he was disappointed when they decided not to hire anyone for the job Tom recently applied for because he wanted Tom to fill that position, and to be sure to reapply for it since they’re going to re-post it.

We don’t want to get our hopes up too high, but we’re not going to expect anything either. At least I’m not. All my husband’s wanted for nearly 5 years now is just a fucking job. Just a lousy job he can count on with normal benefits, vacation and holiday time. Yet the simplest things in life have been too much to ask for. I learned a long time ago it’s always best to hope for the best but to assume the worst. Think positively and you’ll be more disappointed if things don’t work out than had you not thought positively. Don’t think positively and you’re doubly delighted if things do work out.

Either way, if he can get a permanent job with benefits and that pays well enough, Florida would be worth putting on hold, not that we have the money to get there now anyway or that we necessarily ever would. I really meant it when I said I didn’t want to move with any less than 20K after the disaster we went through the last time we changed states, and I don’t expect to ever be able to save that much. If we did it would take a very long time. Then again 10-15 grand would be ok if he were retired. Until and if I see differently, though, I gotta assume he’ll always be a temp without benefits. I hope this doesn’t happen but I realize that God could “let” him get laid off and then be stuck on unemployment for months and then only be able to get a shitty-paying temp job. I hope He will be kinder to us than that and realize we’ve gone through enough crap in life and have struggled enough, but God isn’t usually our friend. Then again, He doesn’t hate us that much, right?