Been wanting to do an update but battling severe fatigue that’s been slowing me down. Got great news, though. Dr. O kicked me out! Now that I’m stable and now that we know my forever dose is 75, Dr. A can take over from here unless there's a problem. She called in a year of refills for me. 

My T4 numbers are right where I feel best. Any more and all hell breaks loose with the heart-pumping mind fuckers from hell. Although unlikely, there's a slight chance I may have to break a 25 in half and take it once a week or so to make it like I'm taking 81 mcg (88 is more than my body can handle, partly due to size, perimenopause, and tachycardia) but that would only be if I went back to 0.9 which would invite a lot of the hypo symptoms back. I do best between 1.1 - 1.3. 

As nice as she was during the 1.5 years I struggled to get regulated, I hope I'll never have to see her again. Traffic and parking in downtown Sac are a nightmare anyway. 

Again, she was, IDK, uncomfortable with me maybe? I don’t know if I imagined it or not and of course it doesn’t matter either way, but it’s strange how she made me feel rushed and like she didn’t want to deal with me. It was like there was something about me she didn’t like. I saw her 6 times, twice in which I was alone. Both times I was alone she acted this way. I wonder if she was bothered by or got the wrong idea from my Facebook holiday message to her last year, but again, it doesn’t matter. It was also the first time she didn’t go off-topic. She usually makes at least some small talk unrelated to the reason you’re there, but she didn’t even ask something like how my weekend was. 

She asked a few routine questions and told me to remember to take my meds every morning on an empty stomach and that if I forget one day, double up the next day. I won’t forget, though. I have a routine now. Where I used to get up, pee, and go straight for the coffee, I get up, pee, take my pill, tell Alexa to set the timer for 30 minutes, then I browse the net until it’s coffee time. 

My only complaint is the perimenopause symptoms beating up on me. We talked about that too, and she knows that I’m going to go to the lab soon for hormonal testing. At least they're annoying and not terrifying. Gonna undergo hormone testing soon. It’s been driving me crazy. I sleep shitty, I get dizzy, I get fatigued, I get hot flashes, I get everything. Anything’s better than extreme anxiety, though, where you’re terrified to be alone and you feel like you’re going to die. 

Not surprisingly, my period is a day late, though I still think I’ll get another one due to how sore my boobs are and the water I’m retaining. 

Later… 

Not impressed with the 3D flooring which is really two large panels of wallpaper. I think they’ll look great backing the bookcase, but it may actually be a real pain and end up costing more than regular vinyl tiles to get a protective epoxy covering and all that to keep it from scuffing up. 

Maybe some of the other designs look more 3Dish, but I don’t think this one looks very 3D at all. The gray rocks are huge and the pink flowers look stretched, so I think it may’ve been too large of a design for such a small bathroom, half of which is always covered with a bathmat. 

They wanted to deliver the new washer yesterday morning, but since we were to be out at that time we rescheduled for Saturday. For just $15, they’re going to haul the old one away. We’ll add the matching dryer later on, though this one works fine even though it’s older than the washer was. 

Anyway, I had zero energy when I got up. Tom convinced me to eat more, drink more water, go back on my kiddy vitamins, and exercise less. I did, after all, lose 1.5 pounds in less than 2 days. I have the weight to spare, but not eating definitely makes me sluggish. Some days all I want to do is eat while other days I’m just not that hungry. 

Had one of his chicken melts and while it was just average tasting, it was like a wonder drug. Suddenly all my energy returned. I made a list of all I wanted to accomplish today so that if I got hit with dizzy spells or fatigue, I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about not getting more done. 

So I walked around the circle a few times, said hello to Bob and Jim, and noticed water spraying up in the air about 4’ high on the other side between two properties. Busted pipe? That was my guess, though they haven’t shut our water off yet. 

I took my Dutch lesson (just 15 more to go!) and did 15 minutes on the Bowflex so as not to push myself and overdo it. 

I only remember bits and pieces of last night’s dreams… cleaning in a “day” jail, dreading a walk in the snow, handling gel cushions like the one I’m sitting on, though they were smaller and lighter, and singing part of a Selena song. 

Now after eating again, let’s see if I can muster up enough energy to get back to my story. I’ve been neglecting Shane.