The police make me sicker and sicker. There are cameras everywhere these days and it’s like they don’t give a shit. I think they’re these invincible gods who can just beat the shit out of whoever they want. If violence is what they want why didn’t they join a wrestling team instead or take up boxing? 

I have less than 10K words of my book written as I still have moments where I don’t feel all that great. Was pretty dizzy yesterday and it’s back again today. Also found a discrepancy too, as all of us writers find here and there. Shane put Markayla’s bike in his trunk and drove her home one rainy day, only I forgot to have him return her bike after dropping her off! LOL 

Seriously, though, this dizziness is driving me crazy. I worry about it getting to the point where I pass out. Nothing I do seems to help. Why can’t I just have a fucking break?! It has been so hard for me to really enjoy this home since we bought it nearly three years ago as I have suffered so much here. Just so, so much. Is there a health curse on this place or something? It’s hard to enjoy a place when you feel like shit so much of the time and when it’s noisy most days, too. This week’s annoyance has been Roto-Rooter. 

I hate wanting to do this or wanting to do that and then finding I’m just too dizzy or I don’t have the energy. While I’m pretty sure this is the perimenopause, not knowing for sure and not knowing how long it’s going to go on makes it really frustrating, even depressing. I try not to think… What if I have something serious that’s going to kill me? But if it’s my time to go, it’s my time to go. I doubt that’s the case, though. 

Fitbit says I didn’t sleep as shitty as I did. I slept terribly. I kept waking up like crazy. Finally, I got up when Tom got up and took a lorazepam so I could sleep a little longer and deeper without waking up as much. 

Maybe I can lie in bed and work on my story by using speech-to-text on my smartphone in an email draft and then I’ll copy it over to Word later on.