Ok, now I think Andy peeked in on my blog. The hit appeared to come from Longmeadow, as has happened in the past when he’s viewed me, but a closer check of the IP# shows it to be a Springfield IP#. Could’ve been connected to the M’s, though I doubt it. Pretty sure Andy uses Firefox and has Windows 7. 

If it was him, what was he looking for? I mean why bother? *sighs* I matter to those I should matter to, and unfortunately I also matter to those I shouldn't matter to. I’m not going back, though. I’m DONE with those from my past. I just wish they were as done with me. 

I plan to kill the Twitter account Kim and Aly know about and I’m going to throw out one last test to see if Kim’s still following right before I do, and I’d be willing to bet just about anything that she is. I could keep that account, but I have the other one no one knows about and it can do what any other account can do. So why keep an account Kim gets to play victim with by blocking every new account she creates? 

Seriously, though… Kim, Aly, Andy, Maliheh, Nane… we’re forever done. And if Tammy and I ever have another falling out in the future, that’s it for us, too. Andy is who he is just like I am who I am, and while he’s got some good in him, I don’t like him for the most part. Same goes for Aly. 

Went for a bike ride this morning as well as yesterday. It was nice save for the barking mutts that tried to break free of their leashes and chase us. Saw lots of ducks and turkeys out and about. 

Tom did a lot of yard work yesterday. Virginia was out at one point and she said it was too hot to be out working. It was a warm one, alright, in the 90s. Tomorrow it’s going to hit 100°. 

We discussed ideas for hiring someone to get rid of most of the stuff on our lot and what we want to replace it with. We’re still a ways away from doing this, but the thing we hate most is the ugly Cypress trees alongside the carport. I can’t wait to see a woodchipper swallow those things up. We’ll eventually put white plastic lattice (wood rots and needs repainting) in that area. We’re also going to replace the bark with white rocks, but aren’t sure what plants we’ll put in that area. The front will be leveled out and a retaining wall will be put up. 

We looked at different things at the hardware store, including what to block the rat(s) from getting under the couch. We’re thinking baseboards may be our best bet. 

We also went to Goodwill. I got a cute purple glittery squirrel figurine with “jewels,” and a dark purple skirt with a black stretchy waistband. 

Last night I dreamed we were living in what may’ve been an apartment or condo. Our place seemed pretty big. As I was walking closer to a large window I said to Tom, “This is such a beautiful view that I almost thought of moving my office in here till you get close enough to see that.” 

“That” was part of the building which was L-shaped. 

Since our place extended out further than the people above us, I could step out onto our porch, patio, balcony, or whatever it was and see up into their place. They too, had spacious windows. I could see a telescope sitting in front of one of them. 

Tom was telling me he never wanted to work again in another dream and I said I wished we could find a way to survive without money, but couldn’t think of any way to do so. 

Later… 

I wasn’t kidding when I said people can’t take a day off from the outdoor projects here and that includes holidays. I thought it was Bob at first, but the house behind his is being worked on. Kinda disrespectful if you ask me. 

We worked on the master shower, but the stems and valves need replacing. For now, Tom got it so it doesn’t drip. 

Sarah got a promotion at work, so I’m happy for her. We all are. 

When I read that a friend lowered her LDL score by 50 points by losing 28 pounds, I figured maybe it was time to rethink weight loss. It’s just that I haven't been able to lose the 30 pounds I could stand to lose since 2009 or so and so I figured it was just meant to be there. 

But then I got an idea. What if I just went by the scale and didn’t count calories or try to space out food throughout the day? Meaning this: I typically gain 2-3 pounds throughout the day and lose 1-1.5 in my sleep. So this means I would make sure I went to bed about a pound above what I woke up at and would likely be down the next day even if it were just by a couple of tenths. 

So I would have my coffee and maybe something small like a yogurt a half-hour after getting up. Within an hour or two I’d eat more. That’d keep me going for a few hours and then I’d eat again with fruit as “fillers.” It was important that I stop eating 4-5 hours before bed in order to give my body time to drop to a pound above what I woke up at. 

In the past, any diet I’d try would fail within a few days, and this one still may too, but after 5 successful days and 3 lost pounds, it does look a little promising. 

So what threw a dart in my excited little balloon and popped it ever so loudly? A medical problem I read about. I began to wonder if losing more than just a few pounds could affect how my medication affects me, and if it could invite the killer anxiety I had back all over again. It seemed logical in my mind to assume that the bigger you are, the more thyroid hormone your body would need. 

Sure enough, I found a complaint by someone on my exact same dose that had no problems for 6 years. But then when they lost 25 pounds they started experiencing the same symptoms. Now I’m not so sure I want this diet to continue working. :( 

Typical damn doctor too, who tried to convince her it was just a “panic attack” and recommended Paxil. They also refused to allow her to go to the lab, saying she had to wait 4 months for her yearly blood work. Shame on that doctor! So many of them just love to take the easy way out rather than deal with the problem. Come on, anyone who went to med school should know that her weight loss would very definitely affect her thyroid levels and cause her symptoms. If your thyroid works normally it adjusts on its own when you gain or lose weight. But when you’re taking it artificially, the body can’t adjust to its new weight. It’s a no-brainer, and I’ve never been to med school. I swear some of these doctors can be just as bad as cops and lawyers! 

This really shoots down my excitement, though. I don’t want to take the slightest chance and risk suffering all over again, even if it was just for a minute. That’s how bad it was. Looking back in my journal to when we attempted to get me to tolerate 88s, I started experiencing tightness in the chest a week after bumping up to this dose. By week two the extreme anxiety was kicking ass. 

Even if she’d gone to the lab, though, perfect numbers aren’t always “perfect.” Everyone’s different and you can’t lump everyone into a set of numbers. I can see if those numbers are extremely high or low, but sometimes they have a bracket that’s a little too narrow. 

Even though she posted her concern 8 years ago and she’s a total stranger, I felt so bad for her. Just so, so bad!