My sleep was fragmented during the last half of it, and I woke up feeling absolutely miserable. Very heavy fatigue, weakness, and even a bit short of breath, with mild chest pain. I think I might be perking up now, though, if only a little.

After conferring with Lauren, we both agree that my thyroid is still likely the main culprit. Since I just had a CAC score of zero and extensive heart testing a few years ago that didn't find any issues, I sometimes wonder if I could have something going on with my lungs. We think the thyroid and sleep issues are the main culprits, though, and that any kind of cancer is unlikely.

However, there's this thing called interstitial lung disease, and if I have any form of that, it could be absolutely horrible for me. That's because there's no quick diagnosis or quick treatment. In some cases, you have to go in two to three times a week for guided, long breathing exercises, and with my sleep disorder, there's no way I could do that. So even though it's hard, I'm trying not to let my mind go to all kinds of dark possibilities.

But yeah, sometimes I feel like something else is going on that we're missing because the fatigue is so profound and extreme, unlike in Cali when my TSH would be in the teens, 20s, and even the 30s. I get that age and other things can make things harder to handle, but either way, I've been feeling very hopeless lately. I've just been running around in circles for years, getting absolutely nowhere, and I fear I never will.

For dreams, we were out in a store somewhere that sold scales, and I stepped on one, and even though I was clothed and had shoes on, it said I was 169 lb. I hope that's not a warning of anything to come in real life! Right now, I'm actually down a couple of pounds to 163.

Then I dreamed that Andy and I were laughing because he heard it was only 22° in Connecticut, yet it was summer. I guess he wasn't living in New England in the dream, or else he certainly wouldn't be laughing like that.

Then I had a dream I had a baby rat that I hoped would grow big, and in the last dream, a dwarf barged into our house to do some kind of inspection. Tom let her in, and I didn't like or agree with whatever inspection she was about to do because I followed her down a hall, lifted her by her long brown ponytail, and threw her out of the house. She had a friend sitting at the side of the road waiting for her, and I tried to throw her on top of the friend, but she landed next to her, and then I slammed the door shut.

Later...

I was dropping journal entries on my chat thread with Alyssa just for kicks, but assuming she's not interested anyway, I don't see any point in continuing to do that. Maybe every 5 years or so I'll use that thread to back up yearly journal summaries instead.

So Tom, who's always been a pretty good handicapper, can't use AI or any modern tools to predict races because they changed some of the rules regarding horse racing. It figures that as soon as we have the technology to do it, they have to go and change things. I always knew we weren't meant to have tons of money. But one of these days soon, he may see if he can make a little extra the old-fashioned way. He might be able to make more handicapping than on Prolific. It wouldn't be like his working income, let alone make us rich, but any little bit extra helps.

I'm pretty sure, however, that we're going to spend the rest of our lives not exactly scraping pennies, but still having to put off some things until they're affordable. We have a place to live, and we don't have to skip meals or anything like that, but we definitely can't get everything we could use at once. Who knows how long it will be before we upgrade his bed, finish my bedroom walls, and get a new hutch for the kitchen? New floors and windows are definitely out of the question. Those will simply never happen.

We went to Walgreens and picked up my clonazepam, and I could see three dump trucks sitting just inside the gate of the field. Tom insists the county owns that field, but I heard otherwise. Anyway, we didn't see any loader present, and on the way back, the trucks were gone. I heard one of them slam before we left. As I said, I've heard one or two bumps a day for the last few days. We suspect that they're not picking up dirt but adding more. They've only got so much more space, though. It would be great if they left it there indefinitely because then they wouldn't have to bulldoze.

I might have forgotten to mention that the tires we got are used. Don't know how many years they were used for, but that's not what matters. Their condition matters, and Tom is able to look at them and base that on their appearance. He said he could feel the difference as soon as he drove away and that the failing tire was so bad that it was a miracle we didn't break down. Believe me, even though I hate to spend the extra $111, things could have been a lot worse and a lot more expensive. If we had broken down on the way to or from my appointment, a tow truck would have definitely cost a lot more.

I decided I'm definitely going to start adding half a pill a week as long as I don't have any problems with it because I'm tired of being tired. If I'm going to have any problems, it would likely take two or three weeks to notice them because of the way I'm only increasing the dose once a week. Still, taking 132 micrograms in one swallow is a little scary. That's definitely more than I've ever taken in one shot.

So glad he's not working, and I'm not going through perimenopause!