All my cleaning, cooking and other chores are done, so now I’m free to write, write and write! I’ve got a lot to say too, most of which cannot go online. Just wondering if I should cut my nails off first. I keep waiting for them to break, but they won’t. Still curious, though, as to how long these damn things will grow if I don’t, so I guess I’ll put up with them a while longer even if typing with them isn’t always so easy.

I’m just about completely over my cold, but Tom isn’t completely over his, partly thanks to being overworked so much. He’s not just overworked, he’s overfucked, and I feel so bad for him. I’d be out there with him if I could be, hating my job and my coworkers, but I do get enough online shit and other things to help make up for it. Still, I really wish the incompetent idiots at work would stop fucking with him! I asked if they treat everyone like shit, just the white folks, or if he thinks they’re singling him out for some reason, and he said it varies. Gays and whites may have it the worst these days in the workplace, but stupidity from higher-ups affects everyone of every race, color, age and gender. The dental and vision insurance is just fine, but they’re now claiming our zip code for our regular health insurance was changed online and that’s why he hasn’t been able to make an appointment with a primary care doctor about my allergies. He’s pretty sure they just fucked up but doesn’t want to admit it for some reason. Tom’s doing some research cuz if this is the case he’ll have no choice but to file a police report in case of possible identity theft which I guess would force his employer to own up to their mistakes. But if it is identity theft, we need to know about it ASAP.

Identity theft is a scary thing. It’s a very real possibility that can happen to anyone, anywhere at any time, and the real Jane Doe or Joe Shmoe may not always be able to prove his or her real identity. To think that being thrown in jail for a letter I didn’t write may be nothing as opposed to someone posing as me who may commit a major crime that I end up taking the fall for is a really scary and frustrating thought. It could happen and there may be absolutely nothing I could do about it. God would put me in such a cruel, unfair and helpless situation, too. He doesn’t usually look out for me and my best interests, and well, be it due to people’s stupidity, hate, anger, greed or jealousy, I’m just sick of seeing us get screwed over in various ways and left totally defenseless. God always makes sure our perps are those that either have a hold on us or who remain elusive enough not to be able to track and fight. It just gets both old and scary to think of what people could have in mind for us or who could be using our identity that we know absolutely nothing about… yet.

Tom had to spend the day straightening the insurance account out and doing their job for them since they refused to own up to it and take any responsibility. He said something about not wanting certain medical records online and making an appointment for me next week to see if the claim goes through or not.

I asked if there was any risk of being fired or laid off and he says he doubts it, though a part of him wishes it would happen. I hate to see him have to work with such assholes, but he’s still white, he’s still older, and the economy still sucks. He couldn’t just swap one job for another. And even if he could he’d probably be just as cursed at the next job, just like I’ve been cursed with bad neighbors and barking in nearly every place I’ve lived in as an adult. The only good thing is knowing that if they laid or fired his ass right now, we could up and buy a place and have our monthly expenses be half of what they are here. It may have to be another old single-wide, but we’d be safe. Whatever’s up there would have to find something else to beat us over the head with cuz right now we’re anything but poor.

sighs Bad things really do happen to good people who have matured, grown and who try to do the right thing. Praying is often like talking to a wall, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s that one doesn’t always have to ask for trouble to get trouble. After what we’ve been through in life with the poverty and getting legally railroaded, vindicated in the end or not, fears of the past returning to haunt us are always present.

I worry about our credit too, thanks to the scam of a property management company we rented from in Oregon. It’s common practice for rental agencies to claim a tenant that’s moved out left the place dirty or damaged and then to rip them out of their deposit, but did they really have to go so far as to ruin our credit too, by saying we owe them $200?! We left that house spotless. If it isn’t them trying to scam people, then the only thing I can think of is that the neighborhood kids vandalized the place once they saw it was vacant and we got blamed for it. So unless we pay our perps, just like we had to do down in Arizona, their spite and greed could hold up the move even more.

Again I have to wonder why and how some people can get so much shit they don’t deserve dished at them. If you fuck people over and then bad things happen to you, that’s understandable. That’s called karma. But what do you call being innocently victimized? And why is it that we always “happen” to not be able to fight back? It’s like God arranges it that way just to screw us all the more. Never has anyone done something to us that we could actually do anything about. Never. And that’s scary. It really is. To think that God’s using us as little pawns for people to take their hate, anger and greed out upon is really scary. But Tom and Jodi certainly could never screw anyone over themselves if they wanted to. Not that we would ever want to, but who could we possibly screw over in any way that would really hurt bad, and how? Who could we rip off? Whose credit could we ruin? Who could we get fired or set up and thrown in jail? Oh, we could piss them off by saying some things they wouldn’t want to hear, alright, but who could we really screw AND get away with it if we wanted to??? The answer is no one, so it’s a good thing we have no desire to be like that.

Like I said, though, trouble doesn’t always breed trouble. Sometimes just minding your own damn business and going about living your everyday life can bring trouble. Take Kim, Molly and her mother, for example. I am doing absolutely nothing to these people yet they refuse to leave me alone. Who would have ever thought I’d be stalked by 3 people, all of them women, and not one of them gay?

I was mistaken in saying my parents opened a trust fund. It’s actually a family trust that is supposed to speed things up upon their deaths by avoiding probate court and all that, but I realized something last night. It’s gonna take a helluva lot longer to get my inheritance than just 6 months, whatever it may be. The economy sucks (another thing God would do; have my folks go when the economy sucks) and their property isn’t going to sell for much, nor is it going to sell very fast. Hell, they might even auction it off in the end, who knows?

On the other hand, it not only seems awfully hard to think that even if they owed considerable money all I would get is a few grand for two luxury cars, a luxury condo, and a store, but it also seems hard to believe that everything that’s to be liquidated is to be given to me no matter how “ok” others may be doing.

Later...

As for the trio of trolls, it’s the same old shit. Kim’s just trying to make trouble for me on Ask and in her attempts to turn Aly against me, Molly is still lurking about though leaving for the group home soon, and Mommy Dearest is still blaming others for her darling daughter’s big mouth.

Apparently, that wasn’t Molly who spent 45 minutes in my blog between yesterday and the day before, but her mother. Her mother saw the part where I mentioned the group home and went and blasted Aly’s friend Regina for it since she couldn’t get ahold of Aly directly. Poor Regina, though Regina’s finally smartened up where Molly and her equally demented family are concerned, especially after Aly enlightened Regina on more of her experiences with Molly. Aly assured her that trying to reason with Molly or her mother would be a complete waste of time.

I told Aly I would watch what I said from now on, though I still worry she’s going to Kim with things I don’t want her going to the skitzo with.

Funny how I don’t even have to say Molly’s name for Judy to know who “troll #1” is. Typical enabler making excuses! Instead of blaming others, she should be blaming HER DAUGHTER for opening her mouth in the first place.

There was a Stafford Springs, CT visitor on my list last night with Cox Communications. That used to be Kim’s info when we were “friends” and she’d visit me regularly. I asked Aly if she was sure she really did move, and she said she thought that might be a relative. She did ask Kim, though, why she’s bothering to follow me after she claims she doesn’t care about me or want anything to do with me, and she keeps insisting she isn’t, but neither of us believes her at all.

Yesterday I changed my Twitter handle when Adonis found me, figuring others could find me too, and sure enough, someone asked why I changed the name on Ask. Today someone asked why I went private on FB. Aly and I both suspect these “questions” came from Kim. Obviously, it’s someone who’s following all my regular accounts, though I’m not very regular at all on Twitter. Today it was to ask me to please open MD back up after I made that private and MO for just friends. That could’ve been Kim or even Andy, wanting to read old entries but without being tracked. Could’ve even been Maliheh for all I know. Then again, as much as I doubt it, maybe it’s no one I know at all. I reopened MD, but I won’t be updating that or MO regularly, so that’ll frustrate Kim if it is her, LOL. She’ll either have to wait till it’s updated or risk forgetting to disable cookies and check me out on LJ instead. Or have her “sources” check for her if she’s too stupid to disable cookies.

But why does Judy check up on me??? Does she find me that interesting? Is she curious as to what I may say about Molly and maybe even hoping to file her bullshit suit against me? Is she worried about what her daughter and her big mouth may be telling people?

Never thought I’d come to like LJ so much, though I wish I had more control over background pics. Did they recently add other features that I like, or were they there all along and I just didn’t notice?

Aly knows she has every reason not to bother with Kim, but still finds it hard to completely let go. She says she’s always had problems letting go of past friendships. Really? I would’ve thought she’d totally respect one’s wishes that said they didn’t want anything to do with her. I know I try to be respectful of those who don’t want to bother with me. The only one that was hard to let go of was Nane, but she wasn’t just a friend. It just goes to show once again that I don’t always know someone as well as I think I do. I highly doubt it, but maybe it’s her that’s been trolling me on Ask. Maybe it’s Andy or Maliheh. Hell, maybe it’s my goddamn sister or nieces! Yeah, I’d love to be able to track Ask, but I do like the mystery and the fun of guessing, too.

Nane was sick on her birthday. She seems to be sick a lot lately. She said she slept for over 24 hours. Wow!

Later...

No word all week on Mom. If I had to guess she’s been moved to the hospice. Tyrant or not it’s still kinda sad. I’d be both sad and scared, but like Tom said, hopefully she’s so far out of her mind by now that she doesn’t know what the hell’s going on. Maybe she’s too busy asking the nurses for a beer or something like that to know where she is. If she is, why not honor that request and give her the beer? She’s going to die soon anyway. I just wonder when and if I’ll be able to talk to her before she does and if she’ll know who I am. I still don’t even know how badly the stroke has affected her left side.

What a job those hospice workers have! I don’t know that I could do it and remain that “professionally detached.” How could you not feel bad for those people? It may be a fact of life that we all gotta go someday, but still, what do you say upon greeting new arrivals, welcome to the Pearly Gates? That’s kind of what it must be like, the Pearly Gates before the Pearly Gates.

Although they don’t understand senility, it sure does seem to run in my family and it seems to affect women worse. My dad wasn’t out of it when he died, but one of my grandfathers was kind of out of it (the other one died of a heart attack so it’s hard to say what he would’ve been like when he got old), both grandmothers were very out of it, and now mom’s pretty out of it. I guess I’ll be a little out of in the end too, and personally, I hope to hell I am. Better to be as out of as possible when you’re about to die. I was very much with it when we sure thought we were both going to die last fall, and I can truly say that having a sound and conscious mind is no way to go! So I hope that when my own time comes it either comes too fast for me to know what the hell hit me or I’m completely out of my mind.

It seems each generation is beating the last by 5 years since 3 of my grandparents made it to 75 and my parents made it to 80. That means that Tom has to make it to 93 in order for me to have a chance to make it to 85, cuz when he dies, I die.

The raspberry ketones do seem to be helping me to curb my appetite, fill me up faster and lose weight, but a lot of things “seem” to work at first. There’s no way to know how long or how much effect it will have on me after just a few days. But that’s why I only got a month’s supply.

We got a turkey baster to suck up water from the cookie sheet under the leaky pipe in the bathroom. I had to tip the tray to get it out from under there, spilling the water all over and defeating the purpose of having it there, so this makes it much easier. How much longer are we going to have to deal with shit like this, though??? Seriously, I feel like we’re never going to move! I just want to get out of here and on with our lives! I want more space. I want a place that isn’t so damn old. I want a fast, reliable Internet connection.

LJ posts to Facebook just fine but only to my wall and not the newsfeed unless I post it manually. That’s okay because I don’t want old entries posting to FB, just current ones. I figure that if people want to read about my life in the 80s or 90s, they can go do so on their own.