Tom and I are feeling a little better today. He’s going to come home early from work if he has to. They’re starting second shift today which might cut back on all the OT he’s been doing, though he will probably have to work Saturday. The money was nice but it’s been really hard on him.

My allergies were horrible yesterday. I didn’t have so much in the way of sneezing as I did a stuffy, runny nose, but this is really getting old. I started marking the attacks on the calendar to see how frequent they are, but it seems like they’re about once a week. Too much to deal with using just over-the-counter remedies which only make my mouth dry and me drowsy. It’s time to start taking care of myself and making dental and allergy appointments (I’ll delay the eyes for now) and quit waiting on a move that either isn’t going to happen or that isn’t going to happen anytime soon.

Last night I kept waking up feeling like cotton balls had been jammed into my mouth. The congestion was so bad I had to keep sitting up to blow my nose. My nose is a little better today but my ears are still clogged up.

It was nice hearing from Irene. She hasn’t forgotten me, she said, just been busy. She’s had her own issues to deal with and soon will be vacationing right next door in Italy.

It was also nice to learn that Troll #1 is finally moving into a group home and away from her enablers. I know the name of the place too, so if there is any trouble from there, maybe they’ll do something about it, unlike her parents.

Tom started looking up what legal documents he could find pertaining to my parents, and now just mom, out of curiosity. Most of the recent stuff is just her getting things in just her name now that dad’s gone. What was surprising was learning that the beautiful brand new doublewide manufactured home they had right on the ocean was only worth 100K. That doesn’t seem like much even for the late 80s. The home was gorgeous, the view was to die for, and the 55+ park they were in was gorgeous as hell. They seemed to have a lot of amenities there, too. So 100K for all that seems a bit low. 100K was what our place in Maricopa was worth.

Also, they set up a family trust fund in 1992, but they don’t make those records public, so we couldn’t find out anything about it.

IDK, though, maybe my parents were never really rich but just really comfortable instead. Looking back on it now, they would’ve seemed rich as hell in the eyes of the poor person that I was living like a bum in the slums. I was struggling even in the nicer places, so when you can’t even fucking eat, of course they’re going to seem rich to you.

Same with the houses they had in Longmeadow. Of course those would seem like multimillion-dollar mansions to one living in an apartment. But it was really just an upper-class neighborhood that any comfortable family could afford.

Mom probably inherited about 100K from her parents, then when she and dad sold the house in MA, that would’ve kept them comfortable for a while along with the little boutique mom had and then the store at the flea market. They’ve always loved to sell things and were just total retail kind of people. But I don’t think they were ever rich as in having millions. I think they were just comfortable in the many thousands and most of that is gone now with all the spending they did and then their medical bills.

Later...

Writing isn’t only fun for me, and it isn’t just about being creative, but writing is also my therapy. My journal is my sounding board while my readers are just an afterthought, not that I don’t appreciate them and any feedback they may have to offer. I do! But I won’t deny I’m selfish when it comes to writing. I won’t mention certain things a friend may not want mentioned, but otherwise my writing is about me first and others second.

Every time I think I’m getting better, off I go on another sneezing fit. My whole head feels like it’s in a vice. I don’t mind the runs as they only get the extra weight off. But to have to stop and sneeze or blow my nose every so often is getting beyond old. Why do I have the runs anyway? Is it from the Claritin or just my sinuses draining and upsetting my tummy?

No calls yet regarding Mom, but Tammy seems to call in the evenings her time. Where Dad’s official cause of death last February was heart failure, I guess hers will be kidney infection due to autoimmune system failure. The kidneys, as most of us know, filter out the blood’s impurities, but when they don’t work right, our blood basically becomes poisonous and damages vital organs.

Once again I question just how true of a friend Nane is. What’s the first thing she does when she gets back home from Switzerland? Posts pictures of her trip, of course. They’re lovely pictures, but I would think most people would first respond to messages left by their friends about their dying mother, even if that mother wasn’t always very nice. Sometimes I wonder if traveling is more important to her than anything else, including her own family and Askim. I guess some people are just like that. They’re quick to jump in with all kinds of comments when you’ve got something good to announce, but as soon as you announce an illness or a death they’re nowhere to be found.

I take that back. Nane just messaged me and we chatted a bit. As I told her, though, I don’t feel up to chatting much cuz I still feel sick, but don’t want to just lay around either as that gets boring.

On the bright side, she had fun in Switzerland, just above the Italian border, and said the trip was what she expected it to be. Why can’t things ever be what I expect them to be??? I expected to be out of here by now.

According to what I looked up online, it can take weeks or even years, with the average wait being 6 months when it comes to receiving an inheritance. At this point, if it’s just enough to cover the things we’ll want for the new house if we ever get to that house, that’ll be good enough for me and we’ll both appreciate it very much. I really think that’s all it will be, too. God would’ve killed us for damn sure last fall if He knew we were in for BIG bucks that went way beyond 10K. Especially if I’m right in suspecting we were meant to be poor most of our lives. I’d like to think we could get moved, start saving again, and that Tom will have a steady job till he retires, in which case we’d never have to be poor again between that, being smart with our money, the 401K and other retirement funds, but I know God wouldn’t let life be that easy for us. He loves to tear us down every few years or less and get a good laugh at watching us scramble to survive and then build ourselves back up again. That’s part of why I doubt it’ll be much more than 5K if even that.

If I thought there was any real chance it would be a substantial amount I’d be willing to stay here and listen to the barking which will worsen as it cools down, along with the engine gunning, hammering, sawing and bulldozing, because the more money one has, the more options they have as well. But I’m ok with just moving when we can. Although, if there are more delays that can’t be ruled as just “coincidences” I’m backing out altogether. You know I always get punished for trying to fight fate. Notice I’ve been sicker more often since we started seriously looking? It’s like I’m being punished for trying to get ahead and out of someone else’s place and into our own place. We both are.