No word about Mom, so I’m guessing she’ll pull through. I figured as much the more I thought about it. If they didn’t think they could help her, why would they bother running tests like the MRI scan? She’s just not going to be able to live alone anymore as out of it as she is, calling for dad as if he’s still alive, and doing and saying all kinds of other weird stuff. Under different circumstances, the beer thing would’ve been kind of funny.

I had a dream I was watching a group of people gathered around someone lying on the ground. I don’t know who it was or what was wrong, but an ambulance pulled up and the paramedics ran to them.

I also dreamed that Maliheh told me she was from Germany and spoke German, LOL. She said she just didn’t bother to tell many people that.

Then I was hanging out somewhere and she entered the area, looked around as if she were looking for someone, and then she spotted me. The instant she did she said, “Oh, hey, you can sing. I need someone to back me up tonight, so come on!” She grabbed me by the wrist and led me to the stage. I didn’t mind backing her up. But then I became nervous as hell as it hit me that I had no idea what the hell song(s) I was supposed to be backing her up on.

When Tom told me what the savings was up to I nearly fainted. Wow, us?! God’s little bums? His little poor-assed whipping boys? I guess He’ll have to pick on us some other way now, like maybe see to it that we never get out of here. Yeah, it’s kind of hard to contact anyone when you’re working 10-hour shifts and you’re the one that has to qualify to live there cuz you’re the one who’s 55.

“Everything is still going as planned,” Tom said. “We knew it’d be a couple of months once I turned 55.”

But it’s already been a couple of months and all we’ve done is narrow down what parks we want to live in. That’s better than nothing, but why is it I feel we’re nowhere near getting out of here? It’s already mid-August. There’s no way we’re getting out by October. That means that when the barking escalates and the outside projects start up again, guess who’s going to have to deal with it?

And why is it so damn hard to regulate the temp in here? Is it Tom not doing a good job of what he sets the thermostat to and when? Me being too sensitive and getting too chilly or too hot too easily? Or is it just part of living in a dumpy old trailer with thin, flimsy walls and no attic? Even though it’s more expensive, a part of me misses having an AC. Coolers bring in fresh air, but ACs are easier to control. Really hope the next place has an AC cuz cemetery-quiet or not, I really don’t want to have to sleep with my window open when I’m on nights with people just a few feet away.

Although it isn’t by much, this is the first time in days we’ll be under triple-digit temps. By the end of the week, we should be down to 82°. I hate it when it gets under 60° at night though, cuz then I either have to shut the window and go to bed hot, or leave it open and wake up chilly, depending on what my schedule is. I’m really, REALLY getting sick of living like this! Trailer life with old coolers and no attic to vent them through is rough when you can’t keep a damn schedule.

In reading back through old journal entries, I see I’ve struggled with this sleep disorder all along. I’ve had sleep problems all my life and that’s nothing new. What sucks is how it worsens with time as if it wasn’t already bad enough, and again I have to wonder how the hell God can hate a person so much that He would inflict this upon anyone. What did I do that was so bad to make me deserve this? Wasn’t having an abusive mother enough? What about being born with one ear which only looks more noticeable and more ridiculous with age? What about making me mostly attracted to a gender that isn’t the least bit attracted to me in return unless they’re almost what equates to men with pussies, or in Buttfuck, Europe? Hell, I could go on and on with all He’s taken from me or inflicted upon me! The poverty, the 20-year bad neighbor curse… Foster homes, funny farms, being set up and thrown in jail…

If it weren’t for Nane I’d shut down on Facebook for sure! We have each other’s email addresses, but it’s still nice to see the updates, photos and links we post. The other day I got an email supposedly from Lori with one of those get-rich-quick scams. It said “for Jodi” in the subject line. I told her on FB thanks, but please don’t send me those anymore since those are always scams. Then today she sends me a dead link with no subject. Lori doesn’t strike me as the type to spam people and I began to suspect there was a connection between that, other spam, and Tom getting sent a lot of junk added to what I actually did send. Sure enough, when I asked Lori about it she said that wasn’t her email addy. So yeah, it’s connected to the apps I signed up for. It’s gotta be. The only problem is that I’ll have to allow for a lot of apps if I return to sweeping when we move, and you can’t always tell if they’re legit. How is anyone to know who’s going to use and abuse our info which they then have access to once we sign up? I can understand the spam, but how or why would they add wall chats to my messages to Tom? Andy said he never received any such thing, but he’s also not a Facebook friend either, Tom is.

I did have to giggle to myself, though, at the thought of Tom thinking I was sending him all this stuff till I told him I wasn’t and we saw that it wasn’t visible in my message to him when we checked my ‘sent’ folder. I’m weird, I’m a complainer, I bitch about everything and anyone, I have a strange sense of humor, I want to make owning loud car stereos and dogs illegal, I want every fucking foreigner that isn’t here on just a visit sent home. But I don’t attach conversations from a year ago to emails to my husband, especially without a specific reason and an explanation as to why I was doing it.

Anyway, I got caught up on my sleep but I don’t feel very refreshed. I kept waking up either too cold or too hot. I first crashed at 10:30 this morning and awoke at 2:30 to find I was too hot. Too tired to pull out the stepladder and crank the cooler up to high, I just turned the fan on high instead. An hour or less later I fell back asleep till 10:30 at night.

Speaking of complaining, what the hell does my stomach think it is, a shit-processing plant? I think I gotta back off the protein a bit, though not entirely. It’s making me too regular!

Later...

“Jack Farmer” signed up on Ask and only answered a few questions that seemed to be generated by the site except for one that said “wellll” which they answered with a question mark. They have no photo, bio or any other information.

Then “Jack” “liked” one of my answers not too long ago, though I don’t remember which one. I checked them out and right away I sensed “Jack” could be Molly or Kim, but probably Kim. Molly isn’t really into aliases. I also based my opinion on the types of questions and answers.

“Quit pestering people,” I anonymously said in a question to them as a test. I would think that most innocent people would respond with a question mark, a “What are you talking about?” or just ignore it. “I’m not pestering people,” is what I got instead. Classic troll response. The “question” also happened to be answered when I got a couple of questions of my own that I suspected might be from Kim. Questions like what I email VivFox about and did I do it? and where’s Lady Diana are all the kinds of things she would ask.

It isn’t that I’m bothered by what these trolls ask, it’s that I’m bothered by being contacted by people I’ve asked a million times to leave me alone. I just don’t understand why they can’t respect my wishes. There are plenty of other people to befriend online. If the loss of my friendship bothers them that much, then they should’ve thought about that before doing what they did to lose me. Except for a few people, I usually don’t regret dumping those I’ve dumped while I have ended up regretting those I’ve forgiven (because they ended up doing the same shit all over again).

I’m just sick of people inserting themselves into my life that know I don’t want anything to do with them, even when they try their best not to give their identity away. We can’t make people like us. What is the point? Why do they do this? If I answer one of their anonymous questions that in their minds seems legit and anonymous, does it make them feel like we’re buddies or something? I just don’t get it. But clearly, they didn’t want me to know who they were. However, they’re too stupid not to be at least somewhat obvious. So from now on, even if I remotely suspect something came from them, I refuse to answer it. I can’t make others do the same, but if Andy’s right about 6 months to a year of ignoring trolls making them go away, then he might want to do the same too, with anything he suspects may be from them because if they can’t communicate through me, they’ll do it through him if he lets them.

sighs Betcha these trolls wouldn’t give me the time of day or much of it if they suddenly turned gorgeous.

Intelligent questions that are sent anonymously like if I have or want a flower garden probably aren’t from the trolls and therefore I’ll answer those.

Funny how I can status about trivial stuff like the weather and get all kinds of comments. But as soon as I mention the fact that my mother may be dying, no one seems to give a shit. What’s wrong with people???