Yesterday I tried calling my mom several times over the course of about 7 hours. Thinking it odd that she never left a message when she tried calling the day before, coupled with the lack of activity on my sister’s Facebook page, I started to suspect something was up. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that it wasn’t Mom who tried to call me.

Mid-afternoon my time someone finally answered and it wasn’t Mom. It was Tammy. So much for thinking my mom was healthy for an 80-year-old because she’s been in the hospital since Saturday and might not make it. The connection wasn’t good, and like most of us tend to do when we’re upset, Tammy rambled pretty fast and I wasn’t able to make out every word she said. Apparently, though, Mom had a urinary tract infection. So they gave her antibiotics and it went away. But then it kept coming back and nothing was helping it. She’s been barely coherent and it took some time for her to respond to the antibiotics given to her in the hospital. At her age, the immune system is weak so it’s unknown at this time if she’ll pull through. Tammy also said something about kidney dialysis (I guess the reoccurring UT infections damaged a kidney), pneumonia and an MRI that they’re going to do. Something about her left side being bad too, but I’m not sure if she meant her brain or her body. I think something may be wrong with her brain, but again, it’s too soon to know anything for sure.

Just the fact that Tammy rented a condo down there and is trying to decide what to do with Mom’s dog pretty much tells me that if she does pull through, she at least won’t be able to live on her own anymore. Tammy doesn’t want to bring the dog, which she’s grown close to, to the pound, but she has her own dog already, so she’s not sure what to do.

Senility is setting in big time, too. I noticed she was a little slow in her thinking when we reunited by phone after a decade back in 2007. But she’s getting an awful lot like her own mother was in the end, calling out for dad, not eating or drinking, saying and doing strange things, etc. She demanded Tammy go get her a club sandwich at one point but only took a bite of it when she gave it to her. Then they were out somewhere and she suddenly demanded a beer. “Since when does the woman drink beer?” I asked Tammy, and I guess she was wondering that, too. She has wine occasionally, but the woman’s never been into beer as far as I know. But I guess she’ll ask for something, weird or not, and then not be at all interested in it once it’s given to her.

What’s my gut tell me? I don’t know. I just don’t know. The hospital could very well patch her up and she could live a few more years, although not unassisted. That’s not the impression I get, though, based on what Tammy said and the fact that she called me about it wanting my “approval” to place her in a nursing home if she does end up with needs that can’t be met in her home or anyone else’s. I told her to do what she thought was best. She hasn’t called the “weed-smoking bastard brother” yet, she told me.

Anyway, she’s going to call over the next few days with an update as she has no internet access at all right now. We lost our father on February 24th, so she’s been away from her husband and down in Florida for the better part of 5 months and it’s taking its toll on her, understandably. I couldn’t help but remind her that I know what it’s like as I was away from my own husband for 6 months. You know, partly thanks to her.

I offered to fly there, but she said I didn’t need to. Nothing I could do anyway when you think about it. I can’t make Mom young again. I can’t be her doctor or nurse. I can’t drive her around. But despite my past problems with my sister, I can see where it’s gotta be rough on her. We might be completely parentless all within half a year’s time.

We both agree we have mixed emotions about the whole thing. I’m shocked and not shocked. I thought she had a few years left in her and maybe she does, but her own parents died just 6 months apart as well. It’s actually common for long-term couples that are close. I think that if Dad’s spirit is out there somewhere, he misses her and is “claiming” her, so to speak. I also think she doesn’t want to live without him and has been just totally miserable. Severe depression is a great way to ruin your health. I’ve been there before, though I’ve never been 80 years old either, so it hasn’t affected me the way it’s affected her.

It’s an emotional tug of war. She was a negative, bossy, domineering bitch that was hard to please. Sometimes she crossed the line and became downright cruel and abusive. A part of me feels guilty because another part of me wished she would just “move on” so that her misery would end and I could finally close the door completely on the past.

She smoked from her late teens until about 6 years ago and developed lung cancer. They removed 40% of one lung. She also had breast cancer. So she’s been tough enough to survive quite a bit. Maybe she’ll beat this, too.

Aly’s either incredibly psychic or she read my exchange with Andy on Ask because she asked me in an email if everything was ok. She said she had a bad feeling come on earlier.