Downy Unstoppables rock! They not only make your clothes smell so nice, but the whole place smells nice, too.

Someone asked what my reasons were for keeping blogs about my life, past and present. No particular reason. It’s mostly for fun, though it’s also a way of sharing things with friends. I don’t just see them as journals but as a platform for my creativity as well. I like to be artistic in my styles and designs as well as just post what I write, and add pictures.

Am I going to post the way I was legally screwed and then jailed? I was also asked. Yes, I am! You bet I am going to do so without an ounce of shame. Why? Because what happened to me wasn’t my fault and was totally undeserved. I would probably still post it if I had deserved what I got because people do break the law and go to jail at times, but I have no qualms about sharing my experiences connected to that. I just don’t expect everyone to believe me since my perps were black and had kids, but that’s ok. As they say, as long as we know the truth that’s all that matters. I know what happened. I was there.

Have people tried to tell me I should dislike blacks? No, not really. Just a couple of people, though I always refused to believe that a color could render someone “bad.” I dislike the people who railroaded me because of their personalities and their behavior, not their color.

No news on Mary, though she is officially released and under supervision. It says she’s on felony probation, but I don’t know what all that entails and for how long she’ll be on it. I also don’t know if she’s on standard or intense probation. Really hope it’s not intense for her sake or else she may as well still be in prison.

Later...

I’m so pissed right now I could really shake the old biddy that was supposed to show Tom her place today, now almost yesterday. She ended up busy. How fucking rude, huh? Why did she make the appointment if she knew she was going to be busy? Unless an emergency came up I don’t want to do business with someone who’s unreliable. Tom said he’ll try again tomorrow, but if that doesn’t work then I don’t want to bother with this woman.

He was already in bed when I got up and so he left me an email. He said he knows I think the opposite but that he kinda gets the feeling there’s something really good waiting for us and that something’s trying to keep us from settling for second best. Well, I “kinda” get the feeling something’s trying to stop us altogether. First of all, unless you’re rich, life isn’t about first best. It’s about what you can get. It’s about taking what you can get and making the best of it. Secondly, when has first best ever presented itself to us? When it came close we didn’t have it for long. Lastly, we’d need at least 10K to keep from having to settle for second best and we’re probably half a year or more from having that amount while still having enough for the lot, food, gas and other things. Right now we have 4K.

Again, though, having the money to buy the place outright, whether it costs 3K or 30K isn’t the issue. The issue is getting the park to accept us. It makes no sense for them not to considering that we’ve paid more here than what the lots the homes are on rent for. But when does life ever make sense? All I know is that something up there has been obsessed with me being where I don’t want to be for most of my life. If God doesn’t want us in an adult community, He’ll find a way to stop us. If not by the park turning us down for not having perfect credit, maybe He’ll use the fact that we have no way to prove we’ve been paying anyone anything for some time now. Jesse’s wanted cash for a long time.

I’m not returning to the city mainstream, so maybe we are where we’re meant to be. There are worse things in life than renting someone else’s overpriced, tiny dump and having to listen to their dogs at times, right? So maybe it’s time to quit dreaming, unpack some boxes that I packed, and start making this place more livable – recarpet, repaint, etc. Maybe Jesse would even let us add another half-bath and a washer/dryer hookup though I don’t know where the hell we’d put them. And maybe someday there’ll be reliable Internet service out here.

I told Tom I think we should try two more things before we accept the fact that we may not be meant to move at all. We should first go for the gold. If he’s right and we’re meant to have “something good,” then let’s try for that 10K triple-wide and see if they’ll be willing to work with us. If not, let’s go for the 1000-dollar little dump in the park he described as cramped, because if we can’t get that, what can we get? Nothing at all! I know the frustration, sadness and anger that comes from struggling for what isn’t meant to be. I don’t want to go down that road again. I try for something and if it isn’t meant to be I move on. Period. If I focus all my energies on what’s not meant to be, I then miss out on what is meant to be.