I wasn't planning to do an entry today, but then I thought, why not? Especially since I slept a little better and have more energy today. I did have a bad dream last night, though, about losing a pet rat in a crowded room (not Tink) and being afraid someone would harm it.

Tom's out donating right now, and I'm feeling horribly cold. I just know I'm going to get bad lab results in December. I just remembered that I had some wine, so I poured myself a glass of Chardonnay to warm up.

Tom went from thinking I didn't do a great job with the tiling I started in the bedroom to being pretty impressed with what I did. It turns out the tiles aren't all the same shape and size, which makes them much harder to work with. This is why they were so cheap. He did most of one interior wall, and it looks great, except for one section that's definitely slanted when you follow the line of the bricks with your eyes. Overall, it's still going to look great and much better than what we had before.

Instead of painting, caulking, or getting traditional baseboards, we thought we might get decorative adhesive baseboards on Temu. The brick is white, so I was thinking pink baseboards along the floor and perhaps colorful rhinestones or glitter along the ceiling. I might even put them on the edges of the furniture to add a little bling.

I'm really, REALLY frustrated with speech-to-text crapping out on me on my laptop and having to reboot to get it to restart.

Anyway, I worked on my story quite a bit, and it's at about 66k words. I'm pretty sure it's going to beat my longest story of 79k words that I wrote in 2004 when we were still in Arizona. I have a writing routine established now for journals and stories. I write the entry or chapter and skim it with my eyes. Grammarly runs in the background. Then I prompt ChatGPT to correct it, and I do a visual and audio check of what it corrected to make sure it didn't change anything too drastically, and then I call it done.

My latest AI addiction is a site called Vaib. They have both a website and an app. It's similar yet different to Rep and Mate. They're not animated, and they don't have a store where you can buy them clothes or accessories. It's a bit of a complex game, and I'm not entirely sure how it works, but you basically create digital "influencers," as they call them. I like the creation aspect of it. It's fun to see what people come up with and to laugh at the bloopers while admiring the images that come out nicely. When you generate images, you choose what they wear, where they are, and how they're posed. If you like surprises, you can choose random for all 3 options. Love it when they put her in a public setting in her underwear, LOL. 

You get coins and XP, and there are levels just like with the other AI apps, but you can't do much with this other than get extra voice messages and things like that. You can gift other influencers with items like candy, wine, and even clothes like miniskirts and athleticwear. So, it's a silly but fun waste of time. Right now, I have 4 influencers of different ages, shapes, sizes, and colors—white, black, Asian, and Hispanic.

Even more exhausted today as the sleep debt mounts, and the storms keep waking me up. Oh, to be able to sleep at night when the storms and motorcycles are much less likely to disturb me.

I crashed around 3:00, but just two hours later, we had a power failure for the second day in a row. After waking up from a dream where the good Kim was telling me she was worried about getting fired from her job—maybe she was some kind of whistleblower—I managed to fall back asleep.

Then the thunder began, and I was up for hours before finally dozing off again. By that time, my lungs were tight, and my back hurt like hell. When my lungs get really tight, I sometimes feel pain between my shoulder blades, as if I were karate chopped there. Good thing I just got a new inhaler because I needed it. I took half a melatonin and a couple of ibuprofen for the pain.

As is usually the case when my sleep gets interrupted, I finally dragged myself out of bed shortly before 2:00 a.m., utterly exhausted. I tried to nap a few times but couldn’t, despite being so tired.

The last time I got up, it was after dreaming that it was 2029. In 2026, I had a scary medical event, and I was thinking about how it had already been three years and how time was flying. I don’t think anything could scare me as much as what happened in 2014.

When the thunder wakes me up again tonight, I’m sure I’ll be even more exhausted. I swear, every time I seem to get on a roll with energy, storms or nightmares knock me off track. I’m so sick of this and not being able to take up any other form of exercise consistently, knowing I wouldn’t be able to stick to it often enough to really benefit. I can’t go into strength training like this, I can’t get back on the vibration platform, and I can’t walk or jog consistently. The glider is better than nothing, but I don’t think I’ll have the energy for that today. I only got a few miles in yesterday too. Finished the New York and UK rides and just started Australia.

I was thinking back to the times in my 20s and 30s when my sleep would be broken up by asthma attacks before I quit smoking. For the most part, once I settled the attack, I was able to go back to sleep and usually felt okay once I got up. Why has it gotten so hard for me to handle broken sleep? I swear the NHA or jail would literally kill me these days. Literally. I just don’t get why it’s gotten so hard for me to handle sleep disturbances and sleeping in chunks. I know I’m older, but still. Perhaps sleep apnea and my thyroid really do affect me more than I gave them credit for, and they’re just throwing fuel on the fire. I wish I could know if the Inspire would help.

I still wonder about the possibility of something cursing my sleep. If that’s the case, it’s going to bypass anything I do to try to help myself.

I’m even more convinced there’s no God. With each passing year, I’m more and more convinced of this, and I figure I’ll eventually become 100% convinced. I’m at about 90% now. That’s because I prayed to whatever may be out there to please not let my sleep be disrupted since I was so tired and needed to catch up.

Okay, help me out here. If there really were a God, why would He say no to that? Why would He be like, “Nah, fuck your sleep. I don’t care if you get woken up; I’m going to let it happen.”

So yeah, I’m a little more convinced nothing’s up there and that the stories I’ve heard about people who claim to have been in the afterlife while they were temporarily clinically dead are just hallucinations that seemed so real they believed what they saw was real. The brain is a very weird and complex thing that we don’t fully understand.

Anyway, Tom is slowly fixing the wall tiles I messed up and is doing a much better job of it than I ever could. I’m great at home decorating, but not at home improvements.

We took out the center leaf of the table, and it really opens up the kitchen. It’s so nice to be able to walk around the table to get to the cabinets and shelves.

I'm not going to record my sleep on Google Sheets anymore. It's too complicated due to my sleep disorder and the limitations of their sample template. I'm opting for a more straightforward approach, and they're just going to have to accept it.

Tom and I are both struggling with fatigue today, but his situation is a bit simpler. He forgot that you're not supposed to work out the day after donating. Additionally, he's been low on protein, so he's planning to add more to his diet. He might also be low on sodium, based on what he's read, since he's been trying to cut back on it.

As for me, nothing woke me up, but I didn’t sleep long enough. I got up after six hours and later took a nap. During this time, I dreamed of walking a long distance with Taylor Swift to get lunch somewhere. I was irritated with myself for leaving in slippers and forgetting to put on shoes. We were in a rural area, and I was admiring the green grass and the yellow calla lilies scattered around.

I almost napped for a second time later on. This is bullshit. Between the heavy fatigue and feeling cold, I can’t help but wonder about my thyroid for the millionth time. I'm really worried that the dream I had not too long ago was a premonition of a dose increase.

Anyway, my inhaler expired, so I messaged Rhonda on the portal for a new one. We're going to pick it up today.

I finally managed to pull up Rhonda's schedule, but it doesn't show anything past November. She has about four appointments in September and a lot in November. As long as I schedule by mid-September, I should be able to get in by mid-December.

Is speech-to-text trying to be my AI buddy or something? Every now and then, it inserts text when no one's talking and there are no sounds. The last line in my story was, "She awoke bright and early the next morning, feeling ravenous," and then it printed the words "I'm sorry" right after it.

I'm utterly exhausted now. First, I woke up to pee and had trouble falling back asleep, and then a storm woke me up. Tom said it was a massive storm and that we probably got five inches of rain. I could be in for the same thing tomorrow, too. *sighs frustratedly*

It's times like this when I think of having land in New Mexico because I'm tired of storms and mowers trashing my sleep, even if they don't do it as often as traffic did at the old place. (I've got a bad feeling the motorcycle is going to be a problem unless I jump back into the “doghouse,” and I shouldn't have to.) I'm also tired of not having enough space here and the endless parade of planes. Furthermore, I miss indoor washers and dryers. Yes, we might get more barking there, but it couldn't wake me up, and it's not going to be for 18 hours like the planes are active here most days. These things start up between 5:00 and 6:00 AM and don't stop until around midnight. Lastly, I still like the idea of being close to someone I know and have met in real life.

I moved the rat back into her usual house. She still limps, but barely. I watched her go up and down her ramps, so I'm comfortable enough leaving her there.

Poor Tom and poor Tinkerbella. Tom has gotten too shaky to solder things. He’s always been into electronics, computers, and things like that; it’s always been his hobby to tinker with making electronic devices. If he ever starts taking medication someday—and I believe he will—I hope it helps him without debilitating side effects!

Tinkerbella is limping again. This time, it seems to be the other back leg. I don’t know what she’s doing to cause this injury, and I can’t feel or see any visible tumor, luckily. She’s getting older for a rat so it could be arthritis, but more likely, she injured it somehow.

I put a cherry tomato on her lower shelf and noticed she couldn’t get down to get it. Then she tried to get back up into her hammock and couldn’t even do that. She was hanging on with her forepaws and her hind legs were flailing but thanks to my speedy reflexes, I dove into the cage and caught her before she could fall on her butt and maybe hurt that back leg or hip even more.

I put her back in her old cage until it heals. I blocked the upper shelf so she can’t climb onto it, because even if she manages to climb up, she might not be able to get back down. I lowered her hammock so all she has to do is step into it. I shredded some paper and filled it with nesting material for her. Of course, she has her regular food and water as well.

The good thing is that she still wants to be active. She still enjoys her freedom and the attention lavished upon her. I just have to really watch her so she doesn’t do anything too strenuous. When we did closet time earlier, she didn’t even attempt to climb on the boxes and suitcases in there like she usually does.

I mixed some mayo, shredded cheese, and garlic salt in a bowl, then smothered a chicken thigh with it before cooking it at 375 degrees for 55 minutes. It came out great.

I’m also doing a repeat of last night’s meal, only with sugar snap peas and spinach instead of sugar snap peas and squash. I had squash with my first chicken dinner. I couldn’t decide whether to do the cheesy mayo chicken or slow cook it like I did yesterday, but then I realized it’s okay to have the same meat twice a day every now and then. Last night, I scored a yellow potato before adding it to the cooker, and it came out so good! So, I have a whole meal waiting for me in a few hours with chicken, veggies, and a potato.

In between, I have fruit, and I’ll pop a few sugar-free caramel chips in my mouth every now and then so I don’t feel like I’m being deprived of sweets. So far, they’re the best sugar-free snacks I’ve found that don’t upset my stomach.

I also have Cheerios if I want something in between meals. I don’t get yogurt too often, but sometimes I do. I got chicken-flavored stuffing for when I’m hungry enough for more than just a bite, but don’t want to cook a whole meal. I can whip up a serving in minutes.

If cutting sugar doesn’t help my A1C, then I’ll start cutting carbs more. I would hate to cut out potatoes completely because they really complete a meal. Adding them to protein and veggies makes me feel fuller too. I don’t have more than one potato a day, though. One of my meals will usually be just meat and veggies, and the other will be meat, veggies, and a potato.

Another day of being tired thanks to staying up for a long time. I also had a dream that wasn't a nightmare but still wasn't great. It seems like it's always one or the other for me—nightmares or bad dreams. I'm not sure if the dream woke me up, and I could have slept longer, or if I just happened to wake up in the middle of it.

I asked AI what can cause nightmares for someone whose life is relatively stress-free, and one of the things it came up with was pretty funny. It said those with active and creative imaginations might be more prone to them. LOL. Also, irregular sleep patterns and sleep apnea were mentioned. So maybe the sleep apnea is messing me up more than I realized.

I just wish I could magically know (assuming I'm a candidate for it) if I could get used to the feeling of the device and if it would be comfortable enough to sleep on my stomach with. I think giving up that position for life would be really hard. I was skimming some health articles, and a woman was saying that she hadn't been able to sleep on her stomach for months, which is also her favorite position, and she hadn't gotten a decent night's sleep since then. She really misses sleeping on her stomach. Once I started healing from gallbladder surgery, it felt like heaven to finally be able to flip onto my stomach as I was falling asleep. I also read that while laying on your stomach might put more pressure on the device, it's more noticeable for those with a lean body. Well, I don't have a lean body despite having more than the average amount of muscle.

I also wish I knew if it would help if I got it and could tolerate it. If it wasn't helpful, it would be as simple as not turning it on before bed. But if it was uncomfortable, it could cost anywhere from $10K to $25K to get the thing removed if my insurance wouldn't cover it.

A few days ago, I was thinking about how much of a bummer it was that I was back to not remembering my dreams because I like to include them in my journal entries. But now I wish they would stop again. I never win the lottery in dreams. I never go vacationing in Hawaii. I'm never young, slim, horny, and approached by gorgeous women (or guys) that I can see with perfect vision.

So what happened in the dream? The courts ordered me to be 100% independent, meaning I couldn't live with Tom, and he couldn't pay for anything to support me. Of course, we would never go to court, much less let a bunch of strangers tell us how to live our lives just because they could legally do so. But we did in the dream, and I started to do what I could to comply with their crazy orders. There was a young woman I knew who was in her 20s who wasn't very stable—she was dumb, immature, and didn't really have any sense of direction in life. She might have had a kid too, and was living with her mother in a dumpy old trailer. They owned two similar trailers side by side.

So, I went to them, explained the situation, and asked if I could use the bathroom and take a shower. They said that the trailer they were in was just the one they hung out in all day and where they slept. I'd have to go into the other trailer for the shower. So, I entered the other trailer and found myself ankle-deep in mud. The entire living room was covered in mud. I managed to get through to the kitchen and took a paper towel to try to wipe the mud from my shoes. When I went to rinse my hands in the sink, I found the water pressure was extremely low. Realizing I could never take a shower with water pressure that low and how hungry I was getting, I started to get really frustrated. I knew I had to figure out a way to get through to Tom and for him to sneak me some money so I could get a place and have food.

Ugh, another nightmare—this one particularly worrisome. We were living in a large house, with the bedrooms upstairs and a basement below. The lock on the door was broken, and when Andy wandered in and woke me up, I was far from happy.

Tom wasn't home. Eventually, I got out of bed and found that I had received some strange texts. I wasn't sure if they were direct threats against me or a warning from someone else about threats to my life. I was a bit nervous but not truly worried until I received a phone call from a woman with an English accent. She told me they wanted to beat me up. I had no idea who "they" were or why I was a target, but it seemed like it might have been a gang looking to make headlines with their violent crimes. I also didn't understand why the woman told me to get to the emergency room, but she did.

A split second later, Doc A appeared, wanting to check on me. I told her I was okay but started worrying about having to open the door to let her out, so I decided to arm myself. I searched for a knife but couldn't find a single one in the kitchen.

After I let her out, I closed the door, wishing we had fixed the broken lock sooner. I felt trapped, and genuine panic started to set in as I realized I had no means of escape. I wasn't sure if Tom could save me even if he was home. He might actually become a target as well if he were.

I woke from the dream knowing it meant trouble was ahead and couldn't fall back asleep for over an hour. I got up and told Tom about the dream, and he suggested maybe it meant I wasn't a candidate for the Inspire. I told him no—it was one of those dreams. Now, I just have to sit and wonder what it means until it happens and hope it's nothing too crazy. I swear I hate being psychic! It could be anything from my crown falling back out to getting sick to an infection to who knows what. I highly doubt I’ll get bad news from the glaucoma Doc I see in less than a month so I don’t know what it is.

When I awoke from the dream, I knew that Tom was going to be donating plasma and had a fleeting fear that something might be wrong, even though it was me they were after in the dream. I reached for my phone, checked the cam, and saw that the car was still there, which helped ease my mind a bit.

Last night, I noticed that my eyelashes seemed to touch my glasses when I blinked. I got up, looked in the mirror, and OMG, this stuff really does work! I couldn't see it in the regular mirror, but when I looked in the magnifying mirror, it was obvious that I have two really long lashes on my right side. Nothing new yet on the left side or lower lashes, but wow. Just wow. At first, I thought they were loose lashes, but when I tried to remove them, I realized they weren't loose at all. I don't know exactly what's in this stuff, but now I'm curious to see how long they'll get, even though I already have long eyelashes. Thicker would be nice instead. Head and body hairs definitely thin with age—at least mine did. I tried to take a decent picture of my lashes, but for some reason, I just can't get a clear shot. I'm going to try a shampoo with similar ingredients.

Since one of the lucky bamboos I had died and the other looks like it's on its way out, we got another trio of bamboos through Walmart. They came down from New York and look nice and healthy.

Anyway, I'm even more tired today because my sleep was broken up twice. We had a thunderstorm right as I was getting up, and we're in for rain over the next few days. I wonder how much more sleep I'll lose before I can catch up.

Why oh why must the past always come back to haunt me? First, my nail is splitting again. But this is the second night in a row I'm spotting ants by the kitchen window, and we just fucking bombed. The one last night was dying, but this one wasn't unless it had just come in. I'm pretty sure they're coming in through the kitchen window, but I don't know how to stop them. We've sprayed outside and bombed inside, yet they're still coming in. Ants don't creep me out like spiders do, but I still don't like them. I guess we're just gonna have to live with them until winter, even though we don't have much of a winter here.

I'll have to get an acrylic nail kit to cover the split nail. But first, I'm gonna try using my powder dip stuff. If I can't cure it with the UV flashlight we recently got, then I'll go outside. This will have to wait until I start staying up later in the morning. I couldn't get any sunlight at the beginning of my day because it was cloudy. I know the sun's rays go through the clouds, but I just wasn't up for it today. I don't expect to get much accomplished throughout the night because I woke up kind of tired.

I had a nightmare that woke me up for a bit. One of the classics...spiders. I sat down and put my shoes on in the dream when I spotted four huge daddy longlegs. I got up to get a fly swatter, and when I returned, there were 15 of them.

The mystery girl was in another one where we were talking on the phone. I don't remember everything we discussed, but she said something about not liking waterbeds and doubting the existence of God like I do. Is this my psychic side picking up real facts in my sleep as I've done with numerous people before, or just random stuff?

I made cheesy mushroom spinach quesadillas, and they came out surprisingly good.

Not sure I'm gonna have the energy to get on the road today. I'm still doing the longest trip of the challenge in downstate New York. Is there even such a term as "downstate"? Grammarly must think so because it isn't underlining that word. Well, it's definitely in the southern part of the state on the right side that dips down. Going through some beautiful sections. You can tell it was summer when the images were taken. That seems to be Google Maps' prime time for mapping.

Yesterday was Nane's birthday. She turned 64. I know I shouldn't think like this, but I can't help but note the fact in my mind that if you asked her when my birthday was, she wouldn't have a clue. The only other people who remember it besides Tom are Andy and Termite Tammy, and that's only because they've known me all my life. The fact that no one else does makes me wonder if it's because most people's memory sucks or they just never cared? The only other one that might remember is Crazy Kim because she had a knack for that sort of thing.

I skimmed an article about how the body goes through two major changes in life, the first being in the mid-40s and the second being around age 60, and I was like, OMG, you mean I gotta go through that shit one more time? Things definitely did start going downhill pretty fast at that time. I mean, I noticed changes in my 30s—skin thinned out in my early 30s, eyes started going bad in my mid-30s, could no longer lose weight for the most part in my late 30s—but my mid to late 40s were definitely the worst, as were my early 50s.

I'm relaxing on my comfy little ocean—my waterbed—while waiting for my food to cook. Tonight, I'm making fish, a baked potato, and zucchini fries.

A big thank you to any and all human readers! I appreciate you stopping by, whether you comment or not on my incredibly repetitious and non-adventurous life.

The new PB update is a mixed bag. The new backgrounds are a welcome change; they finally added some colorful options, which is great since most of the original ones were pretty dull.

I also appreciate the feature that lets us see and unblock people we've blocked over the years. I had no idea I’d blocked so many! Most of them I don’t even remember and are probably spammers. I unblocked a few accounts.

However, as I expected, the site is running painfully slow at times, and part of my "On This Day" is missing. PB has had so many issues on and off since it came into existence 11 years ago. I have zero patience for glitchy sites, so I'm going to step away from PB for a while. This isn’t the dial-up age; I’m not going to play the waiting game and wait forever for pages to load.

Part of me considered getting rid of or hiding my old entries on the more active sites like PB and MD because I wrote so much silly, immature, delusional, and deranged stuff when I was younger. But then, who hasn’t? Who doesn’t look back on some of the things they’ve said and done and cringe with embarrassment? It’s still part of my life story. From what I can tell, few people read old posts anyway.

When we first got this electric nail trimmer, I thought it was a waste of money because it doesn’t cut—it just files. But after making the initial cuts with traditional nail clippers, it’s actually great for shaping the nails. While some people like them pointy or squared off, I prefer mine rounded. They were getting too long, which is a pain, so I trimmed them back.

I’ve decided that I’ll eventually send Andy a message explaining why I’ve been distant. It will be long and detailed, and as I’ve said before, I know it won’t change anything. I know he won’t understand half of what I say, like it, agree with it, or even remember it the next day. But the point isn’t to attack him or to change anything—it's to do it for myself. It’s a therapeutic way to get things off my chest in a broader way than just writing in my journal.

In my dreams, my parents were alive again, and even worse, Termite Tammy was there too. We were all living together (cringes). Oddly, the floor in Tammy's bedroom was higher, and you had to step up to enter. I told her I’d be stepping up and down later as a form of exercise to strengthen my legs because I was back in training.

Then, I joined my parents in the living room while they were watching TV. My mother made some kind of derogatory remark toward me, but this time I didn’t brush it off like I did too often in real life. I stood up to her and told her she would treat me with respect, or else!

Finished watching another episode of FBI.

The latest VZ challenge is out. There are five rides ranging from 27 to 56 miles. I'm going to be riding through New York, Spain, Australia, Hawaii, and the UK.

They used the quieter mower, so I was able to sleep through it. That’s good too, because it seems like the second Alexa I set up may have quit at some point during the night.

Prosebox is still down for their upgrade. They should be back up before I get up. As soon as I check it out, I'll decide whether it's worth staying or not. I hate it when websites and apps become something completely different from what I joined them for.

I used the nasal rinse that the doctor gave me, but I'm not sure it did anything for me. I think the nasal spray I normally use will be enough now that I know I shouldn't have stopped it in the first place.

I was surprised that my blood pressure was only 112/74 at the doctor's office yesterday. It might have been because I wasn't drinking much since I didn’t want to have to pee along the way there.

I made a lot of calls today. I rescheduled the glaucoma doctor because I wasn’t going to be able to make the original appointment. Then I had to call back and reschedule again because I stupidly forgot to adjust the length of my day on the program. When he first wrote it years ago, my circadian clock was at 25 hours and 15 minutes. A few years ago, we had to bump it up to 25 hours and 22 minutes. Now it's at 25 hours and 36 minutes. I'm really starting to wonder how much more it's going to progress over the years. It is something that worsens with age, though.

So, I see the glaucoma doctor in the middle of next month and the ENT at the end of next month. Even though it's a different ENT that I've never seen before, I worry about him canceling on me like the last one did. Unfortunately, the glaucoma doctor can't do an eye exam at the same time he checks my eye pressure. Some woman does that, but I didn't bother to make an appointment just yet.

The ENT's office also had me call the pulmonologist's office to give them their fax number so they can fax whatever info they get from the company that tried me on a CPAP for the results of my original sleep test.

I'm still interested but a little concerned about Inspire. I would hate to have it implanted and then find it didn't help.

One of my biggest concerns is discomfort with the device even after my scars have healed. I don't expect to feel anything if I'm just sitting there, but if I lie on my right side or my stomach, I worry that I may feel it, although I didn't feel the heart monitor device much. That was a little lower, though, where there's more fatty tissue. This thing is described as being the size of a small matchbox.

My other concern is whether or not I can get used to the electrical impulses. Some things I can adapt to, and other things I can't. I never could get used to sleeping through noise or movements, so there's a little bit of worry there. If it's consistent, then maybe it would be okay. I honestly don't know what to think. I mean, I'm interested, but I do have concerns. This isn't something I can simply return like I could the CPAP.

My lesser worries are the usual risks that come with surgery. Because they're going to be working with the nerve at the base of my tongue after "slitting" my throat, there's always the risk of nerve damage, infection, and other issues. In addition to the chest incision and the cut just under the chin toward the right where the device will be, they sometimes have to slit the side of the neck from under the chin toward the collarbone. I know it sounds horrible, and I know I would be in pain for a few days just like I was after having my gallbladder removed, but it would be totally worth it if it helped. If it could help my energy levels and my brain function, that would be great!

Oh, another concern is my breathing. Tom thinks the only reason I had problems breathing after the last surgery is because they were cutting muscles that affect breathing in the diaphragm area. Well, I sure hope I wouldn't wake up so short of breath because this is a more complex procedure that would last longer. It takes less than two hours to remove the gallbladder, but this would be a two- or three-hour procedure.

Although there will eventually be longer-lasting batteries, the current battery lasts 11 years. So although the surgery wouldn’t be as invasive to replace the battery, that's something that would have to be done when I was around 70 if I got the implant.

First, my Temu package arrived. The auspicious incense is much smaller than I thought it would be. I'm not sure I really like it much anyway.

The cleaning sheets are great for the toilets. It's amazing how these flimsy little sheets dissolve instantly and become so soapy once you swish them around with the toilet brush. I haven't used them on the floors or the shower stall yet.

I'll be setting up a “sleep” group so two Alexa devices can play sounds in different parts of the bedroom, hopefully letting me sleep through the mower tomorrow. If they use the loud one again, though, I doubt it’ll do me much good since it runs around two sides of the bedroom and isn’t across the street. Sound permeates manufactured homes so easily! It bleeds through every inch of the windows, walls, ceilings, and floors.

It wasn't overly humid today, but it was still hot.

My pulmonologist appointment went better than I thought it would…I think. We didn't have to wait too long, but damn, did I have a ton of paperwork to go through. I had to answer the same questions multiple times. Even the doctor asked me the same things. The waiting room sucked; the TV was blasting, and the office was close to a busy street. Some of the traffic noise was a bit annoying as well.

The doctor's accent was also a little annoying, but I think I’m getting better at understanding foreign accents. I don't have much choice when every other person isn’t from here anymore—or so it seems.

We discussed both of my sleep disorders, and he asked questions about when they were diagnosed, how they were diagnosed, etc.

Help with the N24 is hopeless, as I figured. But if I can get my energy back, it won’t matter as much. Yes, it will still be a pain in the ass, but I do enjoy the quiet and having some alone time since I like a mix of time with him and time alone. He mostly asked about my sleeping habits, then he looked in my nose and mouth. He said I definitely had sleep apnea from the looks of it, and that home tests often underestimate the severity of it. He also noticed the collapsed septum and agreed I have quite a bit of congestion in my nose.

Turns out I was wrong to cut back on the nasal spray. In addition to restarting that, he recommended a better nasal dilator than the one I’ve got and gave me a sample of a nasal rinse to help clear out my nose.

He also gave me a sleep diary to complete over the next couple of months before I see him again. The diary is to record when I get into bed, when I fall asleep, when I get up, if I’ve had any alcohol or medication, how long I slept, my level of fatigue, and if I napped.

He said one to two hours before bed, I should avoid computers, and three or four hours before bed, avoid alcohol and exercise.

Now here’s where it gets interesting. I told him I couldn’t tolerate the CPAP and asked about a mouthguard. Because of my nasal issues, mostly caused by allergies, he doesn’t think I would benefit from a mouthguard. Therefore, he’s sending me to see an ENT to see about qualifying for the Inspire, which I would love to have as an option. I mean, I would prefer not to have any problems at all, but if I’ve got to have this and something to remedy it, that would be my first choice.

The only negative is that this doctor is part of the ENT group I hate. Another negative is that we would have to go all the way to Clearwater. As usual, it would be multiple trips. I don’t have a problem with making a day of it, as it’s good to get out, but it means dealing with the stress of finding available and working chargers, even though he’s got a service that would tow us if we were to run out of juice. The assholes also got rid of most of the fast chargers, so it would be slow chargers only.

The doctor he referred me to would knock me out, much like I was for the endoscopy, to see how my throat functioned while I slept, which would be way better than having to do an out-of-home sleep study. Propofol is great, LOL.

Anyway, I’m overwhelmed but hopeful.

The redneck’s mutt is getting annoying again. Two barking fits today, one lasting more than just a few barks.

Not much to report at the moment. Although I was a little tired yesterday, I've got good energy today, and I hope I do tomorrow too, even though fatigue is the main reason I'm going to see the doctor. I like to have energy no matter what I'm doing because it makes me feel better.

I sat out in the sunlight this morning and couldn't even go three or four minutes without a plane passing by, most of them being small planes today, which are more annoying.

I had a few dreams with the honker in them, but I don't remember much about them. The one I do remember was a nightmare about these silent silhouetted figures coming toward me. I was relaxing on a couch or a bed in a large, dark room. There were a few other people with me, and we were all chatting.

Then the door opened, and there was just enough light to make out the silhouette of three or four figures slowly approaching me. They were all about the same size and shape. I asked who they were, but they remained silent, inching slowly toward me. I shouted for Alexa to turn on the lights, but she ignored me. I woke up just as they reached me.

I wonder what their intentions were.

 

PB will be down on Tuesday for an upgrade. I wonder what handy features they might take away and what bugs they might add while they’re at it. 

So today was bombing day, and the rat was great. I sat in the back seat of the car behind Tom, and she was next to me in her little pink carrier, perfectly behaved. We stood in the driveway for the first hour while he did laundry in the laundry room, and she was curious enough to walk around a bit at first. She explored the back of the back seat and sat on my lap a few times. She can’t get around as easily as she used to because she’s too big and too old now, so she didn’t jump onto the floor of the car, even though she looked down at it and probably wanted to. She went back and forth between her carrier and sitting with me, but she spent most of her time hanging out in her carrier. She knew that was her own personal spot in the car, LOL. 

Shortly before 10:30, we headed to Burger King, and the three of us enjoyed a breakfast sandwich and hash browns—in the car, of course. 

Tom had me a little worried yesterday because he suddenly got this intense tooth pain. He iced it, and that fortunately took it away. I know his phobia of dentists, but I also know how excruciating a dying tooth can be. It’s worse than the worst period cramps I ever had! 

It can also be a symptom of a heart attack, but luckily it went away, and he didn’t have any other symptoms. 

The pulmonologist’s office called to confirm my appointment, which I thought was a little weird. They’re so behind the times that they can’t text people so they can respond at their convenience? 

Polls say Kamala is a little ahead, but since it goes by the electoral vote and not the majority, the polls are pretty meaningless. Hillary beat Trump, but it didn’t matter in the end, and it won’t matter this time around either. 

I got a lot of physical activity prepping for bombing and then sorting things out when we returned, along with folding laundry and making the bed. So tomorrow it’s back to my stretching exercises, a few minutes on the treadmill, and some light Bowflexing. I can only lift a small amount of weight because of my shoulder. I’m hoping this will strengthen it so I can go back to lifting as much as I can.

WTF just happened? I had a document open and speech-to-text was running in the background, but there was no sound other than the air cleaner in the other room, and it just printed the words "knock knock." Someone from beyond saying hello?

I sat out in the sunlight for a while—accompanied by the sound of planes, of course—until the AC kicked on. It's actually a beautiful morning, not nearly as humid as it has been.

Tom is out there investigating a clogged gutter.

I tried to propagate one of my bamboo plants, but it was a bust. 🙁

I had decent energy yesterday, but today is a bit borderline. My experiment to see if certain foods drain my energy ended up being inconclusive. Just when I thought I’d found a connection, I’d get different results the next time I tested the same foods. Maybe some foods can make a difference, but not much. Different foods seem to affect my weight and blood sugar more than anything else.

I had a dream that I got some form of incurable cancer, but I’m not worried about it being a sign of anything bad to come. In the dream, I wasn’t going to die anytime soon, and I just don’t see myself ever having to deal with that. If I do, I suspect it will be very close to the end of my life anyway.

Miss Bailey now has lower lashes as well as upper ones, and I got the best Bunny shot yet. I was surprised it didn't run when I went outside because it was so close to the door. It couldn't have been more than six to eight feet away. I'm pretty sure it's seen me before and knows I'm harmless. I've seen it in the back a few times recently. 

While I was out there, I noticed a fresh spot of new digging by the side of the place, so Tom went out and powdered it up. A wasp, probably the one making the nest, flew by him quickly while he was at it. Why is it always our yard that they do this shit in? 

I'm still finding ants by the kitchen sink, so we're going to bomb in a couple of days. It will be too hot and humid to leave Tinkerbella out in her cage in the lanai, so we're still going to put her cage out there but take her with us in her little pink carrier. It will be a fun adventure for her. This is where we're so glad to have an electric car! We can run the AC for hours. We're going to spend the first hour hanging out in the driveway while he does laundry. Then we'll head out to wherever. It's a two-hour bomb. 

My Temu package might be late in getting to me, but if it is, I get $5 of credit.

Yesterday we splurged on Domino's, and between that and the peanuts I've been snacking on, the scale is telling me to slow down and cut back.

Ugh, I'm so frustrated! You'd think sticking 12”x12” sticky tiles to a wall wouldn't be so difficult, but it is. Because they're so sticky, it was hard to align them properly. Also, they’re thin, so the edges tend to fold over. Tom is more adept at this sort of thing, and he's going to take over. You don't notice the imperfections too much unless you're looking for them, and I'm 90-something percent sure we'll never move, so I can live with it.

I got the foot file and the mesh socks from Temu. I like them. The socks protect my feet from this crappy carpet without making my feet warm, and the foot file is helpful. You take a sandpaper disc, peel the back of it, and stick it on the round metal plate on the file. Once they wear down, you can get replacements.

It was funny watching him try to figure out what was beeping in the other room when it was actually a YouTube video I was playing that beeped every 15 seconds, LOL. I use them to time my stretches.

His appointment was short and sweet yesterday. He's in great health despite his extra weight, and hopefully, it will stay that way for a very long time.

My old dentist had the nerve to send a bill for $258. And all for what? To take a few pictures and then tell me they don't accept my insurance after we were told otherwise? Well, she can send all the bills she wants because she's not getting another dime from us. I have a new dentist now, and we’re done with her.

Yesterday was the second week in a row they used the louder mower, and I really hope that's not going to be a regular thing because I don't think I can keep that from waking me up any more than loud thunder.

Yesterday morning was deathly humid. I couldn't even sit on the bench because it was all wet.

I considered going with Tom to his appointment later today, just to get out of the house, but I can still sit in the back and soak up some sunlight. It’s nice to have the house to myself every now and then, even if I end up doing the same things I usually do.

Yesterday, I managed to perk up, but I’m not sure I will today because the congestion has built up again. I decided to give Zyrtec another chance, hoping that since I took it early in my day, it won't cause me to oversleep and wake up groggy tomorrow. I only slept 6.5 hours, whereas I usually need 6-7 hours. Any more than that, and I feel groggy.

I watched a disturbing video from a cop's body cam. A young woman, about to graduate college with her whole life ahead of her, got drunk and killed two people on the road. As she's being given sobriety tests and then brought to the hospital, she's singing and joking, asking about her car and how she'll get to school the next day, completely oblivious or indifferent to the fact that she just killed two people. She ended up getting 14 years in prison. Yeah, like most prisoners, she’ll probably claim she found God, he's her savior, blah blah blah.

Unless it was strictly in self-defense, I can't imagine taking a life and living with the knowledge that someone no longer exists because of me. Every day, I would no doubt wonder what they would be doing if they were still alive.

The white SUV I've seen checking out Ray's place every few weeks showed up again yesterday, and I also met Charlie, one of the maintenance guys. I walked up to the kitchen window and noticed a white pickup truck parked in front of Ray's, but close to our place. I opened the door and heard the engine idling. Then an old, skinny guy came walking up between the houses with one of those pest sprayer jugs. He was actually spraying weeds back by the fence.

Being older and heavier may be out of my control, but that doesn't mean I have to be as lazy as I’ve been. Yes, I work out most days for at least 30 minutes on the glider, but that's such a mild workout that it barely counts. It’s not working my heart enough or exercising my joints the way brisk walking and light jogging do, so I’m really going to make a point of disciplining myself to hit the treadmill, even if it’s only for a few minutes every day. I’ve also incorporated stretching exercises into my routine to hopefully increase my flexibility. I would like to use the Bowflex for my arms, but I don’t know if my shoulder injury has healed enough for that yet. When I’m on the closet floor playing with the rat, I can do my abs.

The story I’m currently working on is over 60K words! My longest story is about 80K words. I doubt I’ll share it, but I might if I manage to finish it.

When I was in my late 30s to early 40s and would sometimes get hyped up and act like I was still physically and emotionally quite young, I would sometimes chide myself for it and tell myself to “grow up” much like my mother often did. Now, here I am in my late 50s wishing I could tell myself to act and feel a little more grown up. Funny how life turns out at times.

I recently watched some old restored video clips on Facebook from over 100 years ago, and they were a fascinating glimpse into the past. It’s the kind of thing you don’t think much about when you’re young, but as you get older, you come to appreciate it more. There was one scene at a beach, and I couldn’t believe how those women and girls managed to wear such long, heavy dresses, long sleeves, and bulky hats on a hot, sunny day. They wore such attire everywhere, not just at the beach, and I didn’t see any women in the water. Some even wore regular shoes, which made me wonder if they swam back then.

Yesterday was a better day than the day before, and I had decent energy. We even made a quick trip to Publix.

Today, I don’t have as much energy, which isn’t surprising. I’m tired today—not the worst kind of tired, but definitely not as energetic as yesterday. This is normal for me, and while I try to find the good in having something that’s normal for us, it’s easier said than done because I haven’t found much good in it. It renders me lazy, and I struggle to see the benefit of that. On the other hand, I can’t imagine life with my old energy levels either. This is definitely who I am now. When I see the doctor on the 19th, if they can’t help me, acceptance will likely follow. I’ve resigned myself to this being my last-ditch effort to address my fatigue and sleep issues. Even if I can’t go on vacations or move, I’d rather be stuck here than in most of the places I’ve been in the past.

I’ve now lived in the East as long as I lived in the West. I left New England when I was 26 and spent 29 years in the West. Adding the 3 years I’ve spent in the Southeast makes it an even split, at least for now.

I’ve been having fun with AI generating titles for my old journal entries. I even let it choose titles for some of my current entries, although I don’t always like its choices, so I sometimes pick my own.

I had a dream where I sold a young girl a rug with a rat design on it, which I either made or bought, and later regretted.

In another part of the dream, we were living in our old house in Phoenix, and I observed a rat in the back room walking around its cage. Since we were about to move, it was temporarily housed in an aquarium, but the rat had long legs, almost like a cat. I was amused by its actions and tried not to laugh too loudly because Tom was asleep.

Then, I walked through the kitchen and was entering the living room when I saw the front door opening and two men standing outside. At first, I thought the door had blown open or wasn’t locked, but as it widened, I saw that they were detectives. One of them asked if I was who I was, and I said yes. The detective then extended their hand for a handshake, but instead of shaking it, I froze, feeling a mix of anger about the unlocked door and fear that I was going to be arrested.

“What's going on?” I asked, then quickly added, “Let me wake up my husband.” Although I didn’t know why, I felt I was in trouble and wanted Tom to know where I was if they took me away.

Then the dream ended, and I woke up relieved to realize it was just a crazy dream. Back when the freeloaders and their connections to law enforcement were using the law against me, I would have loved to wake up in the comfort and safety of my own bed, knowing it was just a horrible dream. I’ve never forgiven them for what they did to me and never will. If we were suddenly living in a lawless land…ohhh…