I'll schedule this to publish around noon when I should be sound asleep. 

When I'm alone in the dead of night, wishing I could always be on days, my mind starts to wander, speculate, and analyze. I've often been quick to say we live in a Godless world because of all the terrible things I see happening, but sometimes I'm not entirely sure of that. I don't see God the way most believers do. I’m not convinced that God is necessarily a loving being with our lives carefully planned out. 

But could the fact that Tom got a job just in the nick of time when the recession hit be a sign that I have at least a guardian angel? One that doesn’t stop bad things from happening to me, but at least keeps me from being destroyed? 

When I think about what my life would have been like if I’d never met Tom, it literally sends chills through me. My sleep disorder wasn't even recognized or fully understood back in the early ‘90s, and I would have had to somehow struggle to work for at least 10 years to maybe qualify for disability benefits—and I stress the word maybe. People often don’t get what they need or deserve. Just because you're eligible for unemployment doesn’t mean you’ll receive it. Just because you need a particular medication doesn’t mean you’ll get it. So, just because I should never have been cut from disability benefits doesn’t mean I would have been able to get them back. 

Yet, there’s no way I could have worked as my sleep disorder worsened with age, and when all the fatigue set in. It’s things like this that sometimes make me wonder. Is it a coincidence that I ended up with someone who loves me enough to accept me as I am, and, in the end, basically keeps me alive?