I noticed that Andy unfollowed me. There will always be a twinge of guilt where he’s concerned, although not at all with Tammy. I’m proud of myself for being true to myself, standing by my well-being, and refusing to keep cycling through the toxicity with the same old people. I am no longer a forgiving person, and it embarrasses me that I once was. Like a woman who keeps taking an abusive man back into her life, believing things would be different from that point on, I did the same stupid shit with friends and family. No more! I have put whatever guilt I may have aside to consider my sanity, selfish or not. It really is okay to put ourselves first and foremost at times and ask ourselves if a certain person is a good asset to our lives or not. If the answer is no, it’s okay to avoid those people. I just wish I had learned my lesson years ago.

I don’t quite have as much energy as yesterday. I just wasted nearly two hours of alone time in bed. I couldn’t breathe out of my nose well, so I just kept my mouth open as best as I could. It really dries out that way. I didn’t fall asleep, but I rested. I’m just going to have to spend the rest of my day tired. Anyway, I’ll take half of clonazepam before bed, so hopefully my sleep will be less fragmented than it was today. When I got up to pee, I noticed that the left side of my nose was clogged again, but I don’t think it woke me up. I just seemed to wake up several times for no reason. So yeah, I’m wondering more and more if it’s not that I have CF, but shitty sleep that’s leaving me tired. A big part of it is still my nose—allergies, valves, and then frags.

This shit is really, really driving me to my wits’ end. When we first moved to Cali, we were forced to live like bums, and now I’m forced to live like a disabled person.

They still haven't returned to do the rest of the windows and I worry they could return tomorrow since it's the weekend. They may not have returned yet because they had to work. Well, I'm not going to be able to stay up past approximately 1:30, so hopefully they don't get here around then and plan on doing windows until dark.

On the fun side, I ordered more candles and wax melts from Amazon with my Yupp money and did a large Temu order with my Prolific money, consisting mostly of household items. The wax melts are buttered popcorn, and the candles are Fine Merlot and Pancakes & Maple Syrup.

The Temu stuff consists of special slicing scissors for slicing things like cucumbers, as well as scissors with a few blades for cutting green onions. I also got some cover sheets and a new blanket, as well as these things that help keep sheets snug. I hate it when sheets slip and bunch. I also got a hair-removing device I have my doubts about. You supposedly just rub it on your legs in a circular motion and it removes hair, but I’ll believe it when I see it. It was so cheap I couldn’t pass it up, though. Plus, I also restocked on Swiffers and got a five-layer pen/pencil tray for my colored pencils. I think that will make it easier to see them as opposed to the case they’re in.

Definitely learned that it’s bad to tunnel, melt, tunnel, melt, tunnel, melt, because then you get drowned wicks. The whiskey candle burned just fine, but because I had to go and melt tunnels too soon, I drowned the wick. Best to let it tunnel down to where you start seeing the wick’s base, if it’s going to do that, and then warm the last of it till the fragrance is released.

I dreamed that Tom and I were staying in a hotel. It seemed pretty fancy too, although I don’t know where it was. At one point, we were in our room, and I told Tom I was going to go get some fresh sheets and towels since we’d already been there a week. He said he would rather make them do the work. As if reading my mind, a couple of housekeepers—a woman and a man—suddenly appeared with fresh sheets and towels.

In another scene, we were down in a large dining room in the hotel’s lobby. Not sure what I was eating, but I glanced over at a young woman sitting at a nearby table, laughing and happily eating cakes and donuts. She was young and skinny, and I thought to myself that she ought to enjoy being able to do that while she could.

Then we were back in the room, with me wishing I could continue to get up at 6:00 a.m., but knowing I was going to sleep later and later.