First I get thundered awake, then I have to play slip-and-hiss with the mask a couple of times, and then I wake up on my side gasping. So yeah, I'm tired today because I can't handle these constant sleep disturbances with my health and age being what they are. Thank God the storm didn't go on and on for hours, but still. It is really doing a number on both my brain and body, and now I probably can't go out today after wanting to get out of the house for the last few days. My cognitive function is all off tonight. Part of that could be because I took a full Pam and slept for 9 hours.

I totally, totally regret not fighting harder for a mouth guard. It could really solve half of my problems if I could just get a damn mouth guard, since there's no way to get the weight off. Even if I could get results on a diet, that would mean never having any variety or fun ever again. No Burger King, no nothing. That would be like us never being able to shop again for anything other than what we absolutely had to have. I don't know if it would be a better misery, considering that I'm awake longer than I'm asleep. I should have fought harder to get the mouth guard after septo. Now we're running out of time, being halfway through the year. Yes, we would have had to rent a car to get to Tampa, but at least it would have been paid for. Fucking old electric car and the limitations it puts on us! But there's just no one around here who will give me one. We would also save money on supplies with one. If I only had a mouth guard, then I wouldn't have to deal with leaks and mouthfarts. No mouthfarts last time around, but I did have one on the first day I upped the pressure.

I'd really like to understand why I woke up gasping. What happened? I wasn't even on my stomach. I was on my side. Am I just so fat that the way I was lying was squeezing my throat? Is it that I didn't have enough pressure? I just don't feel like anything could be going on with my heart or lungs. My AHI score is bad too, at 8-point-something.

Anyway, I don't know that I'm going to have the energy to go out today. I want to, but I'm so sick of this shit that I'm getting closer and closer to never planning to go out. Maybe this is just where I'm meant to stay, and if I just plan on staying home every day except for when I have appointments, I won't have to deal with the letdown of not having the energy to go places. As I've known for a while now, this one's forever. I'm simply not getting my energy back. So yeah, I'm just not going to go out anymore. Why make plans I can't keep? At least if I have to be trapped anywhere, home is the best place to be trapped.