Slept absolutely shitty, and I think it's because of the NAD and selenium I took yesterday. I only took half a dose of the NAD, but I think both of these things definitely give me energy while also causing sleep issues. I have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. So I'm not taking anything today. Weird how I feel both hyper and hypo at the same time. Sometimes I feel hot and wired; other times I'm cold and tired. I was definitely tired when I got up and ended up napping a few hours later.

I dreamed we had a dog, and then I was in a public restroom somewhere when I decided to ditch an old gray hoodie of mine that I had in the dream. No sooner had I placed it in the trash than a woman entered who was noticeably taller than me and in her 20s or so. She immediately plucked it out of the trash and said, "I'll take that." I told her she was welcome to it even though it had a few holes and the zipper pull was missing. She looked at it and shrugged as if to say that it was no big deal. She put the hoodie on and thanked me graciously, so happy to have the thing, while I was happy that someone could use it.

I was so pissed at myself yesterday. I mean, so pissed because I am so stupid at times. I stupidly thought Play Points in the Google Play Store were valued at a dollar each and not a cent each. So, being the fucktard that I am with numbers, I spent $20 removing ads on two games. One is an arrow escape game, and the other is a hidden object search game. I should have had the common sense to know better. I should have known they weren't going to give me $10 for spending $10, duh! Really, I'm embarrassed for myself at times, but not nearly as much as I am when I think back to what I wrote about the search warrant in South Deerfield and how the pigs "cared" and wanted to "understand" me. Now I can see the situation for what it truly was. They wanted to make things easier for themselves.

I feel the same embarrassment when I think of Maliheh, and I ask myself, "What the fuck were you thinking, reaching out to her back in Auburn?!" Why would I reach out to someone who was blatantly rude and contradictory in the '90s, all because of how she looked? Who provoked my reactive abuse, sought legal revenge on me, and then did the same exact thing I did to her by having her friend prank-call me? Why? Just why?