Still struggling with horrible fatigue. I woke up and felt relatively human, and we went to Publix. After I ate what we brought home, which was some cooked food, a heavy wave of fatigue washed over me, and I ended up having to nap. I had just enough energy to do a little dusting, but have remained tired overall.

I am truly worried for myself and feeling incredibly hopeless where this is concerned. I wish I had Tom's optimism and that it would ultimately be figured out and resolved because then all I would have to do would be to impatiently wait it out. But I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel in this case.

I do wonder at times about my cortisol levels or something going on with my pituitary gland. I checked my journal and found that in 2016, when I was seeing Dr. Ostrander, she ran a bunch of tests on me and did four different cortisol tests. Two were normal, while the other two were on the low end of normal, but I don't know exactly what they were. I tried to check my history on the lab site but couldn't find anything.

At this point, I'm so desperate to resolve this that I would go through having tons of appointments again if that's what it took, even though I would only be trading it in for a new problem that would eventually be on the horizon within a year or so, knowing how things work with me. If anything comes back in my test, I'll have to see an endo again. Just not the bitch I saw a few years ago. I'd rather see a male than her.

Although I do have symptoms of Cushing's, and not just a few, nothing is ever that simple for me. I don't think anything is going to show up in a test that can eventually be worked out. I think that with my shit luck, my labs will be exactly how they usually are. If anything, my TSH might be a little worse if the fatigue and coldness I've been experiencing are connected to that.

But yes, there's a chance that the fatty tumor on my adrenal gland that Galileo said was harmless might not be so harmless anymore, or maybe I have a benign tumor on my pituitary gland. Cushing's can also be caused by long-term use of steroids, and I definitely was on asthma medication for years, along with the nasal spray. Again, though, with my shit luck, I'll just have the usual issues with high cholesterol and an elevated TSH. The question is, how elevated will the TSH be?

Unless Rhonda thinks further testing is worth it, I'm going to finally have to accept the fact that it's very likely CF and it's simply not going away. In fact, it's bound to continue to get worse. I fear the day I'm bedridden for days at a time. As I said, if it weren't for him, I'd have been gone years ago. Suffering is not worth it at all. I only do it for his sake.

I talked to Lauren, then did an Ash session. Ash said what Tom said: that it's likely not just one thing, and to not try to analyze or guess until I have the lab results. She did point out how rare Cushing's is. Only 10 to 15 people out of a million have it. I think it's very likely CF/TSH, but I also know that I do have a great knack for beating the odds in a bad way.

I checked out the analytics of the talking heads. I don't expect to chat with them much, but they do have a surprisingly good memory. They were fun to create, and it's more fun to see what people discuss with them. They really love my purple-eyed blonde, LOL, and my pink/purple-haired girl. It's cool that I could create these "people" to support and entertain others and see what's discussed with them.